AIBU to ask if you are ‘good’ socially whether it comes naturally or you worked at it?

76 replies

User41 · 08/09/2023 18:50

So I’m someone who I think comes across a bit off and socially awkward. It’s something I’ve definitely worked on and continue to do so. But honestly Im fascinated by those people who seem to be genuinely charming. The type who are able to find common ground and keep a conversation going with anyone.

If that’s you please canI ask - is it natural and/or have you actively worked at your social skills?

And if so any tips? And also what’s it like to know people will just naturally gravitate towards you?

BTw I’m not looking to acquire Derren Brown levels of persuasion/charm (or at least not yet 😉). I suppose I’d just like to feel less flustered in everyday social situations.

OP posts:

hittingtheshelves · 09/09/2023 06:20

Thepeopleversuswork · 08/09/2023 22:15

I'm naturally good at it but in the opposite way from most posters on this thread I think.

I'm naturally gregarious and charismatic and naturally like talking about myself but have learned to rein it in over the years and be a better listener and more empathetic.

I think I get it from my dad who was a very extrovert, life and soul of the party type and was able to attract people to him like moths to a flame but not very good at showing interest in others so people over time would feel frustrated and unheard by him and come resentful. I was like this as a teenager/young adult: good at telling a story and attracting people's attention.

Over time I learned t the hard way that that's a good way to attract people to you initially but unless there's a bit of give and take it's hard to make connections with people and I learned to be a better listener and to read other people's cues better.

But I've always found socialising relatively easy and don't find social situations daunting. The older I get the more I realise this is useful and somewhat uncommon (particularly on Mumsnet where so many people seem to be introverted or struggle with social interactions).

But I slightly disagree that all you need to do is ask people lots of questions. It's true that being a good listener is a very good skill. But if someone appears to have nothing about them other than being a listener they come across as a bit of a people pleaser. There's a balance. You have to show interest in others and let them express themselves but if you just endlessly mirror others you appear a bit shallow and empty.

Yep I agree with this. I'm naturally outgoing and I've noticed all my good friends flocked together because we make each other laugh and are generally up for doing 'fun' things.
While it's important to be a good listener - having a sense of humour is also really important.

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