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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stop DD going to this house because of the dog?

336 replies

gonaenodaethat · 03/03/2008 11:38

My DD is 5 and in reception. She is very fond of another little girl who has been to play at our house several times.
When her daddy came to pick her up last time he said 'We'll arrange for you to come to ours soon' to DD.
However I know that they have one of those Staffordshire Bull Terrier type dogs and I'm just not happy to take the chance of DD being around it.
So, do I make an excuse when they ask and not let her go or should I broach the subject with the parents and ask them to keep her away from it?
Or am I just being precious and slightly ignorant?

OP posts:
PSCMUM · 03/03/2008 21:41

i think the basic point for the OP has to be - do you trust the family? if yes, then maybe you're ok to let her go. I wouldn;t though. I'd just keep inviting their daughter back to yours. Its just less stressful!

Fillyjonk · 03/03/2008 21:43

dunno if yabu or not really

I wouldn't have my kid go over there though, tbh, unless I was really really confident that they wouldn't be left alone together.

There IS a difference between a Staffordshire Bull Terrier and a poodle. bull terriers are big, strong dogs. poodles are not. Poodles might bite, but an adult could easily pull one off a 5 yo. Not true of a bull terrier. Which is why there are more fatalities resulting from bull terrier attacks than poodles attacks.

PSCMUM · 03/03/2008 21:44

yesf illyjonk, i agree, except i am a bit drunk now so yo are doing a much better job of stating this than i am!

onebatmother · 03/03/2008 21:45

"In 2004 there were no fatalities attributed to being bitten or struck by a dog but eight people died due to hornets, wasps and bees, three people died from using powered lawnmowers and one person died from being struck by lightening."

You see, I wouldn't let my kids go to a house made of metal during a storm (esp if they had pet wasps and a grass carpet) either.

Youcannotbeserious · 03/03/2008 21:45

Hi EIS,

I am not trying to down play the seriousness of what a dog can achieve.

I do not believe it's ever acceptable to leave a dog unattended with a child the dog is not familiar with, regardless of breed...

I just don't think you can really go through life trying to avoid all dogs.

As you said, your dad was attacked - completely unprovoked by a neighbours dog... My point is, it's as likely that a kid gets attacked by a dog in a park than on a playdate when the dog will be supervised...

lilacclaire · 03/03/2008 21:46

PSCMUM, drunk on a school night tsk tsk

onebatmother · 03/03/2008 21:48

"My point is, it's as likely that a kid gets attacked by a dog in a park than on a playdate when the dog will be supervised..."

No, because in the park I gather my children to me when off-leash staffies/rotties etc come bounding up, and ask the owner to call them off.

And again with this argument that such a thing is not bad, because another thing is worse. Or it is not worth protecting against a bad thing happening here, because it is also likely to happen elsewhere. Frustrating.

expatinscotland · 03/03/2008 21:52

Well, you can better believe I keep my eye out around all dogs who are around my kids because of what happened.

I don't like them, either. Even worse, owners who assume everyone else likes their dog as much as they do.

I never walk round here - a rural area - without my Lekki walking stick.

Better safe than sorry, is my philosophy, and if it offends some dog owners, I'm not really bothered.

ravenAK · 03/03/2008 21:52

Can't you just say 'Dd isn't used to dogs & tbh I'm a bit nervous round them myself, so I'm worried how dd will react to your dog & vice versa. Does it bother the dog to have strange children round?'

Then guage the response - if it's to take you seriously & reassure you dog will be kept away/supervised (like my MIL - has a staffy, knows I hate it, thinks I'm neurotic but humours me ) then fair dos. OTOH if you get the 'oh but he's such a big softy' bollocks, no, YANBU...

Youcannotbeserious · 03/03/2008 21:54

Oh well...

In the 10 years I've known my SDs, they've had various injuries, including some scars and some broken bones due to sports / skiing / generally being a kid.

Not one has ever been caused by my dog (or any other dog they have 'dared' play with...)

On the plus side, it doesn't look as if I'm going to have to host many playdates for DS!!!

ravenAK · 03/03/2008 22:15

Yeah, but then statistically most children won't get bitten or attacked by family pets. I bloody well was, & it was not pleasant.

So I don't think it's unreasonable to (eg) ask MIL to shut her dog in the kitchen when the dc are there & dh/I are not - if, just if, it did snap, there's absolutely nothing my 72 year old MIL could do to stop it taking big chunks out of whoever it fancied.

OTOH the kids love the 'orrible mutt, so I positively encourage them to walk it with her when dh can go along too!

JayneF · 03/03/2008 22:52

I agree with its a hardknocklife entirely. I have two small terriers - soft as butter the pair of them but I would expect friends to tell me of their concerns. This means that I could either keep dogs away during the visit or help a nervous child/adult meet them so that they were not afraid...and learn that not all dogs are savage.

I would not be offended at all by friends who asked me if it was possibleto keep them, or any other animals I have (cat/horses/sheep),away from their children. I respect that choice.

seeker · 03/03/2008 23:29

The bottom line is that any dog could bite if poked in the eye with a Barbie doll. It wouldn't be the dog's fault - but it would still be put down and the child would still have a scar. Anybody who says they know 100% that their dog could never bite under any circumstances is not facing reality.

Youcannotbeserious · 04/03/2008 00:30

And yet, no-one seems to think it at all unreasonable that a child would walk up to a dog and shove a barbie doll in it's eye....

Califrau · 04/03/2008 02:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slim22 · 04/03/2008 04:58

Also of the better safe than sorry school.

I'm not particularly fond of dogs myself. And I also loathe owners who assume everyone else likes being liked by their dog as much as they do.

Ds was bitten twice when under 18 months old. Nothing serious. just an adorable poodle who got hold of his bottom/nappy and toppled him and would not let go. I'm still furious at that woman who thought that was sooooooo cute and stood there giggling and scolding DS for not being game

slim22 · 04/03/2008 04:59

i meant licked

clur79 · 04/03/2008 07:40

I have a very big german shephard dog (who is a dream with children). I also have a 7 month old. I have play dates round all the time, but always keep the dog out of the room. I have a safety gate on my living room and the dog stays outside that.

I understand that not everyone loves dogs as much as I do, and respect anyone who is unsure about them. I would talk to the parents, as they would probably understand, and if they don't then I would not let your daughter play round there.

I agree with seeker, any dog could bite if poked in the eye etc, even if it is as soft as anything!

Wisteria · 04/03/2008 08:10

For the record in my opinion & experience poodles are far more likely to bite a child or have an unprovoked reaction than a Staffie as they are generally more highly strung.

I trust some breeds less than others but a Staffie is not counted amongst them - it's such a shame that these dogs get mixed up with pit bulls etc.

onebatmother · 04/03/2008 08:33

they have locking jaws! that's the critical and postentially catastrophic difference betw a poodle bite and a staffie bite..

Eliza2 · 04/03/2008 08:39

Our children spent part of Christmas with relatives who have a Staffie (and their own children). She seemed a very sweet-tempered animal.

Fluffsuptheduff · 04/03/2008 10:16

Dogs are animals, however lovely and well trained and no breed should ever be left alone with children. I have two petit basset griffon vendeens who are always shut away when any visitors come over, especially with children. I would never leave them alone with kids and I put them on the lead if there are kids in the park. What they see as being playful is terrifying to a toddler and dogs is dogs is dogs and I think any dog can be agressive, even if, as with mine, they've never shown any tendency before. I would hope that other parents would do the same for my children, but to the OP I would say don't assume, but maybe say to them that your DC is nervous of dogs and will it be shut in another room? If they say no then have the friend over to you instead, then no hurt feelings hopefully...

Or lie and say DC is allergic so can't go over. But lying is naughty.

Rubyrubyruby · 04/03/2008 10:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MummyPenguin · 04/03/2008 11:06

I can understand the OP's fears, but I'm sure it will be fine. If the owners of the Staffie have small children themselves then I'm sure the dog is fine. However, we've all got to do what we feel comfortable with. Probably the most sensible thing to do is to have a chat with DD's friend's parents.

I have two big dogs who are well used to the DC's friends visiting. I always check with the parents that the kids don't mind the dogs, however most of the parents and kids know my dogs anyway as they're often at the school with me. Sometimes the children we have visiting are initially quite intimidated by the dogs and seem quite scared of them, I admit I have to supress a smile when the kids are being given a good sniff all over before being met with the seal of approval. It's interesting though to see how quickly the visiting children get over any initial concerns and the next time they come they breeze in and greet the dogs with a friendly ruffle on the head. Dogs can give positive experiences for children too you know. I've often stood patiently at school while an anxious Mother has got her child to stroke my two and experience being around my two who are very tolerant and good with children. I've had parents say to me that meeting my dogs has really helped their children over their fears. I was once talking to someone at school and had my back to my dogs, and turned round to find my Golden Retriever lying down with a small toddler on his back having his ears pulled. (the dog, not the toddler ) My Retriever was just lying there with a daft grin on his face. Obviously I did break it up just to be on the safe side.

ruty · 04/03/2008 11:46

the problem with dog owners is that most of the time they are incapable of being logical about their own dogs. Dogs are, like all animals, unpredictable. you cannot predict how they will behave, especially around people they don't know. But dog owners are mostly convinced that their dog is different to all the rest. And LOL about staffies being misunderstood softies. They were bred as fighting dogs, for aggression and strength.
I grew up with dogs. We had a bull terrier [not staffie] who used to sit by my cot and 'protect' me. She was loved by all the family. then one day she turned on my sister, ,pinned her down to the ground, snarling and went for her throat, thankfully my dad was able to pull her off in time. We had to rehome her. Then we had a lovely cross breed. But dog owners have to be respectful of other people's feelings, and should always offer the option of keeping the dog away when someone comes to the house. Anything else is arrogance and ignorance I'm afraid.

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