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AIBU?

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Original poster

What would your thoughts be if you received this text message?

485 replies

Cantsleep1234 · 08/09/2023 01:12

For context I have been messaging this person and sometimes I don’t reply quickly due to working or other things and this is what he says. Top message supposed to say ‘at messaging’ I’m guessing..I’m mid twenties and he is mid thirties.

What would your thoughts be if you received this text message?
OP posts:
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 08/09/2023 11:39

GarlicGrace · 08/09/2023 03:07

Can't spell
Can't punctuate
Ends messages with 'lol xx'
Puts you down
Threatens punishment for non-compliance
Is too old for you

What 25-year-old wouldn't be swept off her feet by this bossy thicko? 🤣

You’d be surprised how many women fell for my male friend only he could spell! But he approached her hem at bus stops and it was when they started dating that he negged them about their clothes. In a subtle tactful way that would be fine but not insults aimed to put you down!

Funnily enough he didn’t try that with me as his friend but he’d try to get me to dress better for my shape, and educate me on the cool trendy bars - both of which were fun and useful. But it’s the way they get into your persona, even as friends!

arethereanyleftatall · 08/09/2023 11:40

Freedomfromguilt · 08/09/2023 11:33

As a mum of a dyslexic son I'm heartbroken at some of these comments. No one will ever receive a love letter or correctly written card from him but he is clever, good looking, kind and has a lovely sense of humour. Hopefully, he will meet someone who values those qualities and be willing to overlook the massive failing that is his spelling.

The content of the messages are vile and you should run a mile.

Don't worry - spelling alone won't put anyone off, it's the spelling mixed with all the other vile stuff, that sends a clear message who this man is.

WildFlowerBees · 08/09/2023 11:41

He sounds awful, immature needy and has no boundaries. This is what the block function is for.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 08/09/2023 11:43

TenderDandelions · 08/09/2023 11:37

My DH's SPAG isn't great - should of instead of have, wrong type of too, etc, so this I could definitely overlook. Looking back now though I realise how much effort he put in to those early messages as the SPAG has got much worse since!

If OP had said he was in his early 20s I could have put a lot of the tone down to immaturity, but in his 30s gives me the right ick.

I went out with a couple of guys that were a bit like this and it's safe to say that when this shit started they soon got kicked to the kerb. He's acting like a randy teenager and that is not attractive.

Yep yep in his 30s texting like this shows he’s a chancer and a loser.

Don’t worry so much that you haven’t “got it at your age” but just file away in a file of things men shouldn’t ever say!

Missedmytoe · 08/09/2023 11:50

No, no, no.

Dyslexia or not, the bad spelling puts me off as does the pathetic attempts at suggesting he'd sleep better if he wasn't sleeping alone. The smacking reference is gross.

FanDeath · 08/09/2023 11:51

WisherWood · 08/09/2023 11:20

The thing with dating is that I can be as discriminatory as I like, for whatever reason. I know I would be incompatible with this man because I value literacy and education. His spelling mistakes aren't from dyslexia - I know what that looks like. They may be from lack of opportunity but in this context, I don't care. I'm not obliged to date someone I'd be incompatible with because his poor choices and/ or chances in life mean he can't spell.

For the OP, that's up to her. But if the spelling doesn't put her off, the manipulation should.

Exactly. Dating is not an equal opportunities game ffs. Nobody owes anyone else a date or romantic relationship!

PeppermintMandy · 08/09/2023 11:53

GarlicGrace · 08/09/2023 11:21

@PeppermintMandy
Do people who struggle with spelling not deserve a romantic relationship?

What's deserving got to do with anything?

Does OP have to award herself as a good behaviour prize to semi-literate oiks?

Of course she doesn’t and I never said anything of the sort.

When people use phrases like “semi illiterate oiks” to describe what could be a disability or unfortunate lack of opportunity it is a horrible insult, not a simple “this guys isn’t for me”.

People are commenting as if this man doesn’t deserve a relationship with ANYONE because he is “an oik”, “thick”, “of low intelligence”, and an “idiot” all because of spelling which is gross. It’s also an insane thing to get in a flap over when he literally says “smack your bum”…

marblesthecat · 08/09/2023 11:53

Freedomfromguilt · 08/09/2023 11:33

As a mum of a dyslexic son I'm heartbroken at some of these comments. No one will ever receive a love letter or correctly written card from him but he is clever, good looking, kind and has a lovely sense of humour. Hopefully, he will meet someone who values those qualities and be willing to overlook the massive failing that is his spelling.

The content of the messages are vile and you should run a mile.

I'm a bit of a grammar nazi and my DH is dyslexic. His use of "your" instead of "you're" does kill me a bit inside 😂but he is very articulate when actually speaking.

I think people are picking on this guy's spelling because he just seems awful anyway but the spelling makes it even worse. If he wasn't being such a pushy weirdo it probably wouldn't have been mentioned so many times,

Perhapsperhapsto · 08/09/2023 11:55

Sounds childish and illiterate

WisherWood · 08/09/2023 11:55

Freedomfromguilt · 08/09/2023 11:33

As a mum of a dyslexic son I'm heartbroken at some of these comments. No one will ever receive a love letter or correctly written card from him but he is clever, good looking, kind and has a lovely sense of humour. Hopefully, he will meet someone who values those qualities and be willing to overlook the massive failing that is his spelling.

The content of the messages are vile and you should run a mile.

I think you'll find he will. Plenty of people will not be remotely bothered by his spelling. Plenty will be able to work out it's due to his dyslexia. But the man the OP is texting does not come across as someone kind and caring who just can't spell. He comes across as boorish, ill-educated and manipulative.

PeppermintMandy · 08/09/2023 12:00

WisherWood · 08/09/2023 11:20

The thing with dating is that I can be as discriminatory as I like, for whatever reason. I know I would be incompatible with this man because I value literacy and education. His spelling mistakes aren't from dyslexia - I know what that looks like. They may be from lack of opportunity but in this context, I don't care. I'm not obliged to date someone I'd be incompatible with because his poor choices and/ or chances in life mean he can't spell.

For the OP, that's up to her. But if the spelling doesn't put her off, the manipulation should.

No one here is saying she has to date this man. No one has at all suggested anyone is “obligated” to date someone they aren’t attracted to no matter what the reason for the lack of attraction is.

Surely you can see that there is a HUGE difference between saying, “I value someone who has good literacy and is well educated so he wouldn’t be for me” instead of PPs “thicko”, “oik”, “idiot”, “extremely low intelligence” sneering comments?

There is a lot to dislike about his communication so to go on and on and on about spelling and grammar mistakes in a short text message exchange when there is so much more going on that is of genuine worry is bizarre. Not to mention offensive to people who struggle with written English but are otherwise intelligence, polite, lovely people.

(Edited because I’m a dyslexic “oik of low intelligence” and I often mix up how and who so had to correct myself else I be determined a “thicko.)

DerekFaker · 08/09/2023 12:02

Just reading those made me cringe.

WisherWood · 08/09/2023 12:11

Surely you can see that there is a HUGE difference between saying, “I value someone how has good literacy and is well educated so he wouldn’t be for me” instead of PPs “thicko”, “oik”, “idiot”, “extremely low intelligence” sneering comments?

Yes. Which is why I've said I wouldn't date him and can be as discriminatory as I like in this context, but have not called him thick or said he has low intelligence.

The PP who used the phrase 'low intelligence' seemed to think I was saying almost exactly the same thing as her. Actually I object to that. I wouldn't use that phrase partly because it's not the 19th century any more but also because I think it misrepresents the man the OP is texting. I think it would be dangerous to assume he isn't, in some ways, quite clever. He's certainly manipulative and you do have to have a certain kind of intelligence to manipulate people in that way.

So no, I wouldn't call him a thicko. I would reject him out of hand and part of that is because his spelling is consistently awful. More of it is because of the casual threats of violence, but the apparent lack of education is right up there as well.

Magnoliainbloom · 08/09/2023 12:23

Raise your standards.

GarlicGrace · 08/09/2023 12:26

It's a good 20 years since I gave up feeling obliged to speak nicely, kindly and politely about people who are unkind, impolite and don't seem very nice.

You should all try it.

Crunchymum · 08/09/2023 12:28

Topseyt123 · 08/09/2023 01:22

I'd think it must have been written by an illiterate thicko.

Yep. 100% this.

And this was before I saw the other messages.

5128gap · 08/09/2023 12:35

I'd think it was written by a not very bright man who is keen, at least for now, who wanted to move things in a sexual direction but didn't have the imagination or smarts to do better. I'd not automatically think 'controlling' as a lot of people look for quick responses as a sign of interest in the early days and it wears off.
I wouldn't even consider a relationship with someone ten years older though so the message would be neither here nor there for me.

PeppermintMandy · 08/09/2023 12:35

GarlicGrace · 08/09/2023 12:26

It's a good 20 years since I gave up feeling obliged to speak nicely, kindly and politely about people who are unkind, impolite and don't seem very nice.

You should all try it.

In what way is he unkind, impolite or not nice?

& why did you not say, “I would bin him off OP because he seems unkind, impolite and not nice” instead of calling him a semi-literate oik?

There is a difference between casting aside a sense of obligation to be “nice” and being needlessly mean and insulting.

ParentingSolo · 08/09/2023 12:37

PeppermintMandy · 08/09/2023 09:54

Yikes…the amount of comments calling him an illiterate thicko are disturbing. The smacked bum bit is a huge ick but the spelling/grammer could be for a million different reasons. He could be dyslexic. He could have had poor schooling either from going to a terrible school or from having a horrible home life that’s made learning difficult.

Also if he is “illiterate” because he’s “thick” does that make him a bad person? Do people who struggle with spelling not deserve a romantic relationship? Are people assuming if he has problems constructing sentences that is because he’s was lazy as a primary school aged child so didn’t grasp written English well?? So now he’s unlovable?

The message would be ick even if perfectly written but the ableism in the comments is sickening.

Edited

THIS! I mean, it is shocking how many people struggle so much with basic spelling & grammar (- besides Dyslexia etc, of course). However I agree with this comment that this doesn't make someone a bad person or a bad lover

ParentingSolo · 08/09/2023 12:38

Doggymummar · 08/09/2023 09:50

I couldn't date someone who can't spell correctly.

Yet you've misspelled your own username....! Interesting

ParentingSolo · 08/09/2023 12:48

@GonnaGetGoingReturns To be fair, I couldn't understand a word of your post

sezzer87 · 08/09/2023 12:49

He sounds gross BLOCK

CitizenofMoronia · 08/09/2023 12:49

hes testing to see if he can get away with sexy talk, block him

Crikeyalmighty · 08/09/2023 12:59

It really isn't just the fact he's semi illiterate ( I do admit though it wouldn't be for me but accept it wouldn't bother others) it's the context of the posts . I wouldn't ever be interested in anyone who brings in sexual references when you haven't even met -

Queenofheart · 08/09/2023 13:04

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 08/09/2023 01:56

I would wonder why a five year old was texting me.

🤣🤣🤣🤣