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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or was I impatient?

74 replies

SpeedbirdSquawker · 06/09/2023 19:51

The bus turned up almost 30 minutes late tonight. Buses are usually every 30 minutes. I was hot and had a really troublesome day at work as well as being ill.

The second stop into the journey a woman got on. Her card was declined twice and the driver asked if she had any others. She didn't seem to and decided to phone her husband (maybe to transfer her some money onto the card?)

The bus driver wouldn't move until she paid and she was messing around for 5 minutes. I eventually lent over to her and asked if she could please get the next bus as the bus was already late. She refused saying that she had waited for that bus and eventually a kind man came and paid her fare.

It got me wondering if I was inpatient or was I justified in asking her to get off? I just saw an entitled madam who didn't give a shit at holding up other people.

OP posts:
TheGirlFromTomorrow · 06/09/2023 20:20

I have barely any money and I'd have offered to pay for her. I don't think she planned to have her card declined.

I absolutely wouldn't have badgered her to get off the bus! I couldn't bring myself to be that rude to someone having a bad day.

Poppyseed14 · 06/09/2023 20:23

Imagine behaving like that in front of a whole bus load of people. You should be ashamed of yourself OP.

SnowflakeCity · 06/09/2023 20:25

I think little things like paying for someone's bus fare when shit goes wrong restores people's faith in humanity. Things like berating people for their card not working are part of that little things that destroy peoples faith in humanity. Next time I would just stop and think about which side you want to be on.

SullysTail · 06/09/2023 20:27

SpeedbirdSquawker · 06/09/2023 19:58

Her card obviously wasn't going through though so the other option was for her to get cash out. She seemed to think a miracle was about to happen and she was doing nothing to speed the situation up.

Lucky for her a "miracle" did happen, a kind person paid her fare.

Round here a single journey is £2, I'd have just paid for her not told her to wait 30 mins for the next bus where presumably she'd have had the same problem.

TawnyLarue · 06/09/2023 20:29

Yes, lucky indeed 🙄

Original poster
SpeedbirdSquawker · 06/09/2023 20:42

I was mean wasn't I? I was more pissed off that she was holding the bus up. Very selfish of me.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpeedbirdSquawker · 06/09/2023 20:43

I guess also living round here makes me cynical like people try and get on the bus free many times.

OP posts:
Nemesias · 06/09/2023 20:46

Very selfish of you, yes. If the bus is already that late then a few more minutes probably don’t matter

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 06/09/2023 20:50

OP I bet everyone has reacted like you in similar situations so don't beat yourself up too much. You've asked, you've accepted, you've reflected.
Some people don't care about holding up others. Some people are desperate and need a break. Some people are mid spiral and everything is going wrong. You don't know which one she was. You made an assumption probably because you were tired, ill and hot. You were a bit rude but don't let it keep you up at night. Just remember for next time.

Original poster
SpeedbirdSquawker · 06/09/2023 20:51

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea thank you.

OP posts:
Ssme92 · 06/09/2023 20:53

There's also a chance the next bus could've been half an hour late too?

Don't beat yourself up about, she'll have forgotten about it by the morning, if it upset her. What's done is done.

MalcolmsMiddle · 06/09/2023 21:06

If buses run half hourly and the one you got was half an hour late then it's possible the bus you got on wasn't late at all, just the normal service and yours had been cancelled so she wasn't faffing about on a late bus.

Alternatively if that was the regular bus that was half an hour late then it was possibly late for her as it was for you so obviously YABU.

Legale · 06/09/2023 21:09

It isn't her fault the bus was late, and since it isn't a private service, up to the driver if he was happy for her to keep trying. She probably just ignored you and forgot about it, it all worked out well in the end.

Isthisexpected · 06/09/2023 21:11

M4J4 · 06/09/2023 20:19

Sorry, modus operandi. Her way of doing things (to get a free fare).

Show quote history

Why assume that? A very public display with hot impatient audience? I doubt it.

PrestonHood121 · 06/09/2023 21:17

You weren't unreasonable at all. Thing happens, sure I get it. But she was being massively inconvenient, and she would have probably done the same to you had your positions been reversed. She was more than likely counting on someone to pay her fare for her. She was never going to have money transferred over.

BeMoreBarbie · 06/09/2023 21:18

Don't sweat it. If that's the worst you've done in a moment of impatience and botherdness, it can't be that bad. It's done now.

I see why you asked her. She had 30 mins longer to check her balance so she should have been fine. The next bus should have been minutes away but she is stuck between a rock and a hard place. It's shit for her.

If she hadn't pissed me off at the bus stop, I would have paid for her depending on the cost. She likely would have because im highly strung hence my first comment. I often feel how you're feeling now. You'll know next time.

MalcolmsMiddle · 06/09/2023 21:19

PrestonHood121 · 06/09/2023 21:17

You weren't unreasonable at all. Thing happens, sure I get it. But she was being massively inconvenient, and she would have probably done the same to you had your positions been reversed. She was more than likely counting on someone to pay her fare for her. She was never going to have money transferred over.

"Probably done the same to you"

I can just as easily say she was just as likely to pay her fare for her as many others would have 🙄

k1233 · 06/09/2023 21:23

It pisses me off no end the number of people who wait at the bus stop and then seem to be taken by surprise when the bus arrives. They fuff around trying to find their wallet or bus card, again holding everyone up while they do so. It's a bus stop, there will be a bus, have your payment ready before you get on. Really not a difficult chain of events to comprehend!

CateringPanic · 06/09/2023 21:24

I probably wouldn’t have said anything because I generally avoid any kind of confrontation (it was a big moment for me today to say the aircon was on too high at a meeting) but I probably would have felt the same as you and been grateful to you if you had made the lady leave so yes, you were impatient but that sort of thing is also really irritating so it is understandable you felt grumpy about it.

Fwiw I also have low tolerance for people taking a long time to do something or faffing about I just tend to internally seethe about it instead.

MalcolmsMiddle · 06/09/2023 21:26

k1233 · 06/09/2023 21:23

It pisses me off no end the number of people who wait at the bus stop and then seem to be taken by surprise when the bus arrives. They fuff around trying to find their wallet or bus card, again holding everyone up while they do so. It's a bus stop, there will be a bus, have your payment ready before you get on. Really not a difficult chain of events to comprehend!

I agree with your overall point but is clearly doesn't apply to this situation - they did have their payment ready.

TicTacNicNak · 06/09/2023 21:28

Possibly there was another 30 mins to the next bus as one may have been cancelled. It was hot yesterday and she probably didn't want to wait further.

That said, it would have been nice if she'd said "sorry everyone, just, trying to sort my fare, appreciate your patience".

If I got the vibe she was genuine and not trying it on I would have offered to pay for her to get the bus moving.

You were unsympathetic and rude OP, but you're now reflecting and acknowledging your behaviour, which is a good thing.

Hufflepods · 06/09/2023 21:29

Empathy aside it just wasn’t your call so YABU. It’s up to the driver.

Emz6103 · 06/09/2023 21:30

OP anyone who disagrees with you has never waited half hour EXTRA for a late bus.....most people would have gotten off not called husband for a bank transfer!! If it was half hour late the next one wouldn't have been that far behind!! Wonder how many people would have waited half hour in their cars behind someone who was broken down because they'd ran out of petrol?? Would they have offered to cipfen some of their petrol, because after all they'd been stuck for half hour too? What a self entitled person to hold up everyone on the bus because they had no money to pay and expect no one to get cross! Clever way to get someone to pay for you to get home, get on the bus with no money on the bank, hold everyone up, call home for bank transfer...... No OP YANBU!! I've met ruder people on here n glad you never coughed up her bus fare either WTH should you! Bus drivers wouldn't have put up with that here, she would have been made to get the next one with a reminder to check next time before she gets on!!

undermine · 06/09/2023 21:32

“Entitled madam” is an oddly specific way to describe her. If anything, that’s you.

M4J4 · 06/09/2023 21:33

Emz6103 · 06/09/2023 21:30

OP anyone who disagrees with you has never waited half hour EXTRA for a late bus.....most people would have gotten off not called husband for a bank transfer!! If it was half hour late the next one wouldn't have been that far behind!! Wonder how many people would have waited half hour in their cars behind someone who was broken down because they'd ran out of petrol?? Would they have offered to cipfen some of their petrol, because after all they'd been stuck for half hour too? What a self entitled person to hold up everyone on the bus because they had no money to pay and expect no one to get cross! Clever way to get someone to pay for you to get home, get on the bus with no money on the bank, hold everyone up, call home for bank transfer...... No OP YANBU!! I've met ruder people on here n glad you never coughed up her bus fare either WTH should you! Bus drivers wouldn't have put up with that here, she would have been made to get the next one with a reminder to check next time before she gets on!!

Exactly. In the real world nobody would be happy waiting for a random woman to receive a bank transfer to pay for her bus.