Deathbed marriage?

[MovieCliche]

Watching a movie with my sister where the main character is terminally ill and wants to marry his soulmate before he dies. (Spoiler: He lives in the end and it’s happily ever after)

Got onto the subject of real deathbed marriages and the intentions behind one. I think it’s (one of) the ultimate show(s) of love, a way of saying “we don’t have much time but I want to spend however long it is as your spouse.”

My sister thinks someone getting married knowing their spouse is going to die is just an action done out of pity. That it’s not real love, it’s a perceived duty or obligation.

Thoughts?

Friends of mine did this. They already had wills, insurance policies, PoA in place etc from way before he became unwell but they realised the estate would be liable for inheritance tax and she and the kids might lose the house if unmarried. I also think it became important to him that his partner (of over 20 years) could consider herself / declare on forms that she was a widow. There are unpleasant people out there who won't consider you to be bereaved if you weren't married...

I think there are loads of good reasons to do it. Pity would not be high on the list!

Anyone who does this, for whatever reason, needs to remember that the will will need to be re-made because marriage makes an existing will invalid. Unless it has been made 'In contemplation of marriage'. In which case :

The Will must state that you are intending to marry and will not be revoked by the marriage.
The person that you are intending to marry must be named.
The marriage should take place within a relatively short period of time after the Will is made.

An old friend of mine got married and died the next day. He was quite young so no kids. I think it was because of love. She still remembers and loves him even though she has moved on with her life.

It's a good practical thing as well as romantic in many cases.

I do know of a woman whose boyfriend wouldn't marry her and a week after he died she changed her name by deedpoll to his surname and called herself Mrs. it was very sad

Tbh I think it's really done to make tax, inheritance, insurance and pension more straightforward for the survivor.

I did this with previous DH. It was to get both his work pension & State Widow's Pension. Neither were large sums of money, but I'd have received nothing if we were unmarried.

not being married I was blissfully unaware of the Inheritance Tax angle (bloody obvious if I’d taken the time to think about it!) and had thought just a romantic act. Since having the financial side of it pointed out to me a few months ago have assumed it is largely a last minute thing to avoid inheritance tax!

As a nurse (in the days when I worked on the ward - so about 20yrs ago now!) I was asked by a patient (who was in his final weeks of a terminal illness) and his partner, if I would attend their wedding which was taking place at his bedside (they had a side room to themselves) and be one of their witnesses. They had one other family member as their 2nd witness (they explained that this was the only family member they wanted there, as they were virtually 'no contact' with the rest - (or words to that effect!).
I felt extremely honoured & privileged to attend. Even now, all these years later, I still have the 'thank you' letter they sent me for attending. I get a lump in my throat thinking about them.
He sadly died a couple of weeks after the wedding. He was quite candid about the marriage, and said that although they'd been together for a long time, he didn't want his (now) wife to be in a potentially vulnerable position regarding his will (which he'd sorted out in her favour years ago as his partner), as his legal family - who had not had anything to do with him for years, might look into contesting it.
I felt like he could die in some peace knowing he'd done his best to avoid this extra unnecessary stress for his wife at such a traumatic time for her when he died.

Different for everyone surely. A dear friend of mine died of cancer recently. She'd been with her partner for 20 years, they had 2 children. They were very much in love and happy. They got married two days before she died. She never mentioned inheritance. Maybe that was part of it. She said she just wanted that last act of love before she died.

BiL proposed to DS on the basis if saving inheritance tax.
Writing a will would have been a lot less hassle than the wedding, if he was so into planning ahead.

And be entitled to any workplace pensions he has. And why not if his last act can be to give her some security?

DH and I were married for a long time before he died, but there were a lot of things that were more striaght forward to deal with as we were married than they'd have been if we weren't..

I always wonder why they've not done it before. Particularly of they've been together or ill for a long time.

Same here. If it isn't for practical/financial reasons, why did they wait, if they've been together for a considerable time?

It almost sounds like an insult to me, rather than an expression of love: "You're the one I want to be married to, but I wouldn't want to if you weren't dying".

Because it is a legal contract that comes with a shitload of protections for the less economically well off spouse.

Typical Scenario. Lived with partner for 15 years, 3 kids, house bought by him before cohabitation and in his sole name . He dies . Without Will. Kids inherit the house. Mum owns nothing. Even if he has a will she will pay IHT if over £325k if he leaves it to her as she is not his spouse.

If they are married then house automatically hers if they are joint tenants no iHT and can leave entire thing to kids with 2x IHT maximum level of £1m (as long as haven't already agreed a specific tenants in common arrangement - which would be unusual in a death bed marriage) .

Marriage is primarily a legal contract as well as a public declaration of love.

Writing a will wouldn't have saved tax?

My Mum married my Stepdad in a deathbed ceremony. They were planning to get married a few months later but his illnesses progressed quicker than we anticipated. She did it for love and to protect her from my step siblings who had very little to do with him and would have made life very difficult for her.

they had been together almost 30 years and worshipped each other.

In that case I'd just get down the registry office. One of you could die without warning.

Why shouldn’t people do it for financial reasons?

I don’t like the undertone that people are somehow in the wrong if their deathbed marriage is about practicality for the person who is about to be bereaved. If marriage to avoid inheritance tax means that someone doesn’t have to sell their home at the same time as grieving the person they love then that’s a good thing. If a death in service or insurance payment means that a family who have just lost a parent can have a holiday and a little security, that’s good too.

There are plenty of people on MN who are ready to jump on anyone who didn’t plan well if it means they end up needing state help.

My DH's uncle got married to his very long term partner on his deathbed so she could have his pension.

I don't have any objections at all to people doing it for financial reasons, very sensible, I just don't think either option given the OP is usually the reason.

I a couple who did this. Two weeks before he died. Been together for 15 years. It was definitely a financial / inheritance issue.

Then I would suggest you shell out the grand sum of £235 and get thee down to the registry office pronto. You never know when one of you can get mown down by the proverbial bus... £235 to save surviving spouse £££££ . Bargain. Don't even need to tell anyone. Can ask for 2 witnesses on MN (have seen this done successfully before) if you really want to keep it a secret . Just make your marriage cert easily findable in case that bus gets the both of you. !!!

There's a Maggie O'Farrell novel about a very young man who marries a girl he barely knows (newish romance in a foreign country for both of them) on her deathbed because he doesn't want her to die alone in a foreign land. Then she gets better, but is an invalid so they move in with her parents. Meanwhile he falls deeply in love elsewhere. It's a very good premise for a novel, I thought.

It’s sometimes a mixture of love and common sense. It makes it ‘easier’ for the person left behind. My ex boss married 3 months before her oh died of cancer, they knew he didn’t have long left.

It’s to get the spousal exemption for inheritance tax and the pension pay out.