Am I being defensive or would you find my DH adivce annoying too?

[EasierThanTherapy]

DH gives me little bits of 'advice' constantly.

An example today. DH called to say he won't be able to cook dinner tonight as he's not back until later. I said - no problems, I do a bolognase for when you get back (we need to eat the mince, it's TOO HOT for spag bol I know).

And he says "thanks. make sure you cut the carrot really small and and fry it before the onion. bye"

Says it totally politely, but it riles me up. He gives me these little things like this at least once a day.

I feel like a cow getting riled up as it's so minor but it always winds me up.

Am I being unreasonable/weird?

So he chips in with his unsolicited 'advice' to tell you what you should be doing, but in the next breath says you should be more of a bitch and stop people pleasing.

At best he's an arse with mixed messages, but at worst he's deliberately trying to leave you second guessing yourself.

That's before you get started on the misogynistic comments about your hormones 🙄

I disagree, I don't think any Italian person would serve spaghetti with Bolognese.

OP I'd play him at his own game, send him constant texts starting with a picture of a carrot with a ruler and asking him the exact dimensions.

Then saying you have cut up the carrot, what should you do next?

And so on and so forth.

Damn right. And as for blaming your hormones? Only assholes do that. Is he always such a plum??

Oh dear I’m guilty of the cooking tips. DH is the main cook but I like some things cooked a certain way and in the past he’s asked how the meal was and I’ve lied or said it would be even better (for me) if the…..
otherwise he would continue to cook them his way all the time, every time.
I only lie sometimes because it’s a minor detail and I appreciate him doing the cooking.

Sounds like my ex. I was the dishwasher loader and unloader for years. I’m so anal I would even read those articles “10 Ways You Are Using Your Dishwasher Wrongly”. But he would still point out anytime a small plastic pot had turned upside down and had water in. He would explain to me with actions how I should have loaded it.

He also told me once in detail over the phone how to pack a couple of suitcases in a car (duh). So many things. So many times. However I was interfering if I came into the kitchen because I could smell burning onions. He’s an occasional cook.

When we had decided to divorce but we’re still living together he once told me when we both happened to be in the kitchen how he had a really good method for wiping down the kitchen counters. He actually demonstrated. It involved a damp cloth. That’s it.

Please take on board the many, many good ideas posted by others, and don’t let that shit go by unremarked. It only gets worse with time.

DH had/has a habit of making "suggestions" when I am cooking. When we were first going out he reduced me to tears once by doing this constantly while I was making something or other, which I bet he doesn't remember. Now, if he ever does it while I am cooking, I say " do you want to take over? I'm happy for you to cook this, but if I am doing it I will do it my way." If he does it again, I put everything down, and say "you are cooking it now." He doesn't do it so much now.

“He started telling me I need to be more of a "bitch" at work and stop pandering to people tonight.”

And you should reply “ok then, I’ll start practicing with you you fucking patronising wanker. Cook your own ducking tea just how you like it”

I did check with him that the carrots were cooked a tad sarcastically and he did a "wow you're sensitive" type comment. And then said something about my hormones and the heat.

He's a cunt.

Sometimes he'll test me on what words mean randomly

Like I said - he's a cunt.

"Sometimes he'll test me on what words mean randomly. I mean...come on"

What an absolute knobhead.

@sweatervest 😁😁😁I absolutely love Viz Top Tips so that you for that. You have cheered my day up as I have just been laughing my head off at work. Good job I have my own office....

OP- My advice is to tell your 'D'H to stick his helpful suggestions straight up his poo pipe.

Tell him you know what divorce means.

Do it back to him..

Don't forget to cut the carrots small etc" respond. "Tnx I will don't forget to check your wing mirrors before you drive off." Etc.
If he comments reply "wow your sensitive" he will soon stop. He will also know its due to what he does.

A friend of mine has a line for this behaviour (not aimed at me, cos I'm not a twat who gives advice like this).

"You have your way of doing things, and I have mine. Neither is wrong, this just works for me/I just prefer my way."

It always shuts them up because it highlights that they're trying to get you to do things their way or the highway

I detest when someone pre-empts my actions. It’s like just constantly saying, You’re not quite good enough! A big, whole, raw carrot in his bolognaise may get the message across ….

Sometimes he'll test me on what words mean randomly

If I were you, I’d reply to him every time, in a super-serious voice, ‘I think it means patronising wanker, doesn’t it?’

@ChocolateCinderToffee I think you might be right about the inferiority complex. He likes to explain lots of stuff to be confidently but tonight we are going to dinner with some old work colleagues of mine - and the couple's house we are going to are a bit smart, posh house, serious jobs & all that stuff - and he is feeling 'sick' and not sure he can go. I knew he'd do this. He often bows out of stuff with people he thinks are smart but with me, he likes to ask "do you know what this means" or "i can't believe you didn't know this" etc like he's a genius!

Have a think about whether the basis of your relationship is that if you disagree, he is right and he knows better. Then nip it in the bud before it chips away at your self confidence over time.

Tell him you don't want his unasked for advice all the time. Ask him why he does it. Do it back to him five times a day on ridiculous things until he stops.

Maybe you could employ some patronising comments back:

”Awww babe clever you with your little cooking tips. Bless. See you later!”

”Oooh look what you can remember from Wikipedia - well done love. No, really.”

etc.

But Christ almighty he sounds pathetic. How do you tolerate it? You can’t respect him?

It’d piss me off. I can picture myself throwing whole carrots in half raw just to make a point but I can be petty

I couldn't put up with this! I would ask him if he knows what fuck off means.🤬
I'm actually glad my DH pretty much ignores what I do unless I ask his opinion 🤣