Am I being defensive or would you find my DH adivce annoying too?

[EasierThanTherapy]

DH gives me little bits of 'advice' constantly.

An example today. DH called to say he won't be able to cook dinner tonight as he's not back until later. I said - no problems, I do a bolognase for when you get back (we need to eat the mince, it's TOO HOT for spag bol I know).

And he says "thanks. make sure you cut the carrot really small and and fry it before the onion. bye"

Says it totally politely, but it riles me up. He gives me these little things like this at least once a day.

I feel like a cow getting riled up as it's so minor but it always winds me up.

Am I being unreasonable/weird?

Say to him: “hold on, let me write that down” and make a childish annoying show of pretending to write it on a pad of paper.

Every fucking time.

Exactly what I was going to say. Carrotless bol (which is what I make anyway as carrot does not belong in bolognaise)... then ask if that was small enough and see what wisdom he comes out with.

Or say nowt, see if he notices.

Or make a lasagne but instead of pasta sheets, layer it with sliced carrot strips. Then say nowt and see what happens.

Or freeze the mince and have pizza instead.

Would piss me right off!

My response "you know what? Probably better if you cook it yourself when you get in...."

That’s infuriating, but it does sound like exactly the sort of thing I would tell my partner. To be fair to myself, he is a complete ROGUE in the kitchen and puts all sorts of weird stuff in bolognese (peas. Peas? Peas!) so needs reigning in sometimes

People who given advice when not being asked for it really really annoy me. I have a family member who does this with EVERYTHING! She is famous for it, everyone does impressions of her saying ‘what you want to do is…’. It is irritating. I was handling it fine before your unsolicited advice! Tell him it’s annoying and you can cope with a spag Bol without his input

Haha me too, I've been on ironing strike since 2018 and it's permanent 😂

I now get "I don't want to criticise because I remember the iron thing but could you possibly..." followed by an exceptionally tactful critique 😂😂😂

Being pedantic carrots shouldn't go in spag bol. So ditch the carrot (although I love the idea of sticking a raw carrot vertically in his) and add mushrooms. Now I really don't mind whether you cut the mushrooms into large or small pieces.

Wow you sound like a PITA too.

DH once critiqued my ironing technique when I was helping him out doing a work shirt when he was in a rush . So I smiled sweetly , ironed the same sleeve and one of the fronts twice , and handed it to him , whereupon he got to work and discovered my faux pas . Such a pity the work iron was broken too ...

He's never asked me since .

I’ve never even laid eyes on him and I want to divorce him. Good god, how insufferable.

Since he’s decided to act like a 12 year-old boy, as another poster pointed out, I’d start treating him like one. “Yes, you’re allowed to have an opinion but that doesn’t mean that you need to share it. Is it helpful right now? Does it make the situation better? No? Okay, then you don’t need to be sharing it.” Out-condescend him and he’ll knock it off when his ego keeps getting bruised.

By the way, do you happen to need plans for a new patio?

I do this. Much less faff

I'd be leaving it out after reading the OP though out of pure petulance.

I use Waitrose soFrito - lovely stuff

It would annoy me too, that’s exactly how I talk to my teenager who is learning to cook. It could be he doesn’t like the way you do things, which as adults it’s not really advice, it’s criticism. It’s like saying “Make sure you do it the way I want it, not the way you want to.” It’s condescending. I’d be so annoyed!

If it really bothered me, I would down tools and leave it for another day

Phone him back and say, "Don't forget to put your seatbelt on. Bye!"

Ten minutes later call him and say, "Make sure the car doors are shut, won't you?"

My partner is the same. Unwanted advice and corrections constantly. I try to give him the benefit of the doubt by reminding myself he’s a project manager and sees everything as a bloody project to be managed. Either that or he’s just a condescending twat 😂

Bizarrely I have a colleague like this - she's only been with us a few months and I suspect she may be lynched fairly soon by the rest of the office because it is SO FLIPPING ANNOYING

On the rare occasions DH says anything this patronising, I say ‘You’re confusing me with your idiot subordinates at work, dearie.’

onion should be first, what's he on about?

This.

Being pedantic carrots shouldn't go in spag bol. So ditch the carrot (although I love the idea of sticking a raw carrot vertically in his) and add mushrooms

You are very wrong. The carrot should be grated into a soffritto with celery. Mushrooms have no place in a traditional Spag bol.

Why have I never thought of that!

I was going to go with a similar, but instead of bolognaise give him a plate of fried carrot and onion! "Sorry dear, you only told me to do this and I can't be expected to do anything without your instructions."

Start doing it back to him!

Him: ”I’m off to work dear. Make sure you chop up the carrots for bolognaise tonight”

You: “Thanks love. Make sure you lock the car before leaving in the car park”.

Him: “Next time you buy the kids shoes, get black instead of brown, darling.”

You: “Will do, honey. And next time you buy the bread, get seeded rather than granary. Love you.”

It will draw his attention to what he is doing and will get old very quickly!

@EasierThanTherapy I got to the post where you say that your husband says "am I not allowed to give my opinion?"
The only answer that's acceptable is "Of course darling, You do know the saying a out opinions - they're like ass holes, every body's got one", and then change the subject.

Also, by and large, opinions are asked for e.g. can I get your opinion on this, rather that being unwanted.

I couldn’t put up with that! I would have lost my shit, I’m a grown woman and capable thanks!