Am I being defensive or would you find my DH adivce annoying too?

[EasierThanTherapy]

DH gives me little bits of 'advice' constantly.

An example today. DH called to say he won't be able to cook dinner tonight as he's not back until later. I said - no problems, I do a bolognase for when you get back (we need to eat the mince, it's TOO HOT for spag bol I know).

And he says "thanks. make sure you cut the carrot really small and and fry it before the onion. bye"

Says it totally politely, but it riles me up. He gives me these little things like this at least once a day.

I feel like a cow getting riled up as it's so minor but it always winds me up.

Am I being unreasonable/weird?

Could you do it back to him?

As he cooks more it will hopefully really annoy him!

Very annoying and unnecessary
I get - remember to lock up, every damn time he leaves the house, and I am leaving shortly after.
I might add he often forgets to do so himself

my DH is a bit like this, not about food but every comment I make is interpreted as seeking advice. Its getting worse with age too and we've had some 'serious chats' about it. For example, if I said the weather is nice I might get out for a while he will say you could walk along the X walk, or maybe try the Y path? You could cycle and go further to the Z walk. He will keep going til I say I think i can figure out where to go for a walk thanks.

This is exactly my DP! OMG it drives me crazy. He’s still WFH since first lockdown and as a SAHM for 18 years I think I know how my house and our lives work. It’s soooo patronising.

My partner does this too and it drives me mad. It is like everything I do he thinks could be improved on in some way and I think he thinks he is trying to be helpful but it is sheer volume of it coupled with the mansplaining about it that makes me feel incompetent. I haven't found a solution yet but following with interest

I’d cook the bol without the carrot, then ask him if you cut it small enough. I’d only admit I hadn’t put it in once he’d confirmed it was to his specification. Patronising sod.

Try giving him helpful advice. Like needing a knife and fork to eat with
I'mor don't forget to take the handbrake off before driving! All with a gentle smile...

Ltb 😅

He might think he is 'adding value'. Men at work do it too. 'We should advertise on google' (erh no we really shouldn't) etc etc etc.

Snap

The answer tohis criticising the school shoes etc etc is always - "great - I'll leave it to you to keep an eye out for when they've outgrown them and then go out with them to buy a new pair that fits with the school uniform policy etc etc." or "Feel free to take the job on in future"

I would tell my DH to f off, personally. We do have that kind of relationship though 🤣

YANBU. That would wind me right up.

I'd be chopping some big chunky bits of carrots especially for him.

The carrot thing gave me the rage, OP. I’m a better cook than my DH, who might well cut the fucking carrots too chunkily, but if he was offering to cook spag bol for me in a heatwave, there’s no way I’d be saying anything but ‘Oh that sounds good, thank you darling.’

For example asking why I've bought this or that for the kids or saying I should have bought another pair of school shoes etc. He alwsya says 'it's not a big deal, am i not allowd to give my opinion' which seems fair enough - but it just winds me up.

Twat behaviour. If he’s not doing the chore he’s not allowed an opinion, in fact, and I’d tell him so.

Personally that would make me cross. So cross I would do the opposite. And when he complains I would tell him I actually know how to do the meal, so every time he makes his comments I will ignore, do the opposite etc or alternatively will cook for me and he can do his own when he does get back

This is genius.

Make the bolognese your usual way. Put his on a plate with a large, whole raw carrot on top. Say nothing.

Yes! Do it!

Yanbu.
I'd have chopped him into the spag bol by now

'Am I not allowed to...' is an instant 'No. You're not. As you've apparently become a particularly irritating 12 year old that has appointed me as your adoptive mother, the answer is NO.'

Only did it three times (one of which involved me replying mildly 'I don't know, have you asked your father?') before he got the message that it's not a particularly effective method of communication.

He’s allowed to have his opinion. Doesn’t mean he has to offer it…

I get this too. Or I'm in the middle of cooking and he starts to open a tin of something that I'll be using in a few minutes, or getting the wraps out of the packet (all little tasks that I'm perfectly capable of doing in my own time when the meal needs it)so I've started to stop what I'm doing, turn the hob off, put down the knife and just stand and stare at him.

He eventually says, "what?" So I reply that when he's finished taking over, I'll be in the garden (or lounge depending on the weather). He does apologise then and goes away but still repeats the behaviour next time!
😡

I'd just give him a carrot for his tea after that comment.

Me too, and the onion(because ds1 hates them), fried with lardons and celery.
However, I’d stick a whole fucking carrot in his plate, a la Beano sausage and mash. The patronising arse.

And ask if he can demonstrate how to cut it really small before he eats said carrot…

Random off topic but went cooking I like to make things easy for myself:stuff standing there chopping veg for bolognaise;bag of frozen base mix (onions,carrot,celery) and frozen chopped garlic.

Add mince and whatever tomatoes your using eg passata.Chuck in dried herbs and if you want to be fancy;a red wine stock pot.

If your working full time and managing the house and kids on top you do whatever you need to make your life as easy as possible;stuff your husband and his annoying judgemental advice;My husband has learnt to STFU if he's not been here and therefore hasn't had to deal with whatever has been happening eg cooking/shoe shopping etc.