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AIBU?

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Original poster

To just want to stay at home and make pancakes

139 replies

Drizzlewithatouchofgrey · 05/09/2023 11:04

Last week of being at home with Dd, 5, until it’s back to school and work..all the rushing, emails, WhatsApp school groups and so on.
Lovely, slow morning making pancakes for Dd for breakfast, early morning dog walk, baking later.
Aibu to want to live like this everyday?
I’d very happily never work again, given the choice. People say they’d be bored, I wouldn’t, I’d walk the dog, meet friends, work out, read, write, cook great meals, be fully present with Dd without feeling rushed/stressed at times

OP posts:
bookworm44 · 05/09/2023 16:07

SiouxseeSioux · 05/09/2023 12:45

I never get why people say they are bored being at home looking after their own children. A whole new person who changes & learns every day.
Why did you bother having them?

This 👏 thought it was just me that felt this way! Everyone on here can't wait to get away from their children.

bookworm44 · 05/09/2023 16:09

WandaWonder · 05/09/2023 12:38

To do this it usually means someone else who has to work and someone has to pay this bills, mortgage/rent

Or all parents work and someone else has to bring their children up

mathanxiety · 05/09/2023 16:13

@Drizzlewithatouchofgrey that sounds idyllic.

I used to allow all the DCs one 'mental health' day each per semester all through school just to give them the idea that they could step off the gerbil wheel if they wanted to.

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/09/2023 16:18

bookworm44 · 05/09/2023 16:09

Or all parents work and someone else has to bring their children up

Show quote history

Working to provide for your child financially is part of raising them.
Ensuring they are somewhere safe when working is also part of raising them.

Nursery care for my DS but they aren't raising him.

mathanxiety · 05/09/2023 16:19

bookworm44 · 05/09/2023 16:07

This 👏 thought it was just me that felt this way! Everyone on here can't wait to get away from their children.

Show quote history

Glad there's more than just me feeling this way. I'm also baffled at the 'babies are boring/dull' comments. They're not there to entertain you.

Thepeopleversuswork · 05/09/2023 16:20

@bookworm44

This 👏 thought it was just me that felt this way! Everyone on here can't wait to get away from their children.

Has it never occurred to you that some people have to work to support their children?

bookworm44 · 05/09/2023 16:24

Thepeopleversuswork · 05/09/2023 16:20

@bookworm44

This 👏 thought it was just me that felt this way! Everyone on here can't wait to get away from their children.

Has it never occurred to you that some people have to work to support their children?

Indeed, and others just don't want to be at home with them and probably only earn enough to pay childcare fees.

Thepeopleversuswork · 05/09/2023 16:25

@bookworm44

Indeed, and others just don't want to be at home with them and probably only earn enough to pay childcare fees.

OK. Does that also apply to the men who go out to work eight hours a day? Are they also doing it to get away from their kids? Or does it only matter when women do that?

Thepeopleversuswork · 05/09/2023 16:29

@headcheffer

I never get why people say "why did you bother having them" on here so...

People who say "why did you bother having children" lack basic intelligence. Let's call a spade a spade.

Letmeoutnow · 05/09/2023 16:29

This is why I play the lottery.

Not the pancakes thing, but because there are far more things I want to do with my life than I have time to do, and my job is absolutely not one of the things I want to do with life.

I have absolutely no understanding of people who feel bored without their job. When the world and all the things in it are so vast, how can their world be so small?

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/09/2023 16:30

bookworm44 · 05/09/2023 16:24

Indeed, and others just don't want to be at home with them and probably only earn enough to pay childcare fees.

Show quote history

Why would only one parent pay for childcare fees if there are two parents? I pay half of the nursery fees and my husband pays the other half.

It's also short sighted because childcare fees, especially large ones when they are under 2 don't last forever. Career progression, pension etc are all longer term benefits when childcare fees are long gone.

PinkBuffalo · 05/09/2023 16:34

I don’t even have kids and I would happily never work again!
Unfortunately I am stuck in this job cos it pays the bills so I am lucky in that respect but definitely no happy at work

bookworm44 · 05/09/2023 16:43

Thepeopleversuswork · 05/09/2023 16:25

@bookworm44

Indeed, and others just don't want to be at home with them and probably only earn enough to pay childcare fees.

OK. Does that also apply to the men who go out to work eight hours a day? Are they also doing it to get away from their kids? Or does it only matter when women do that?

Don't try and make me out to be some sort of sexist. As we all know GENERALLY men earn more money & i am talking about the women who have low paid jobs not careers!

sleighbells00 · 05/09/2023 16:49

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/09/2023 16:30

Why would only one parent pay for childcare fees if there are two parents? I pay half of the nursery fees and my husband pays the other half.

It's also short sighted because childcare fees, especially large ones when they are under 2 don't last forever. Career progression, pension etc are all longer term benefits when childcare fees are long gone.

Show quote history

This is true. For me I was fortunate enough to stay at home during my children's early years, so I did. I felt that I was never going to get that time back with my children and time was more important to me than career progression etc. However, that was ME, that does not mean everyone should want to make the choice to stay at home or be judged if you choose not to. I really think we all need to stop judging each others choices and acknowledge the fact we are all different and face different circumstances.

itsmyp4rty · 05/09/2023 16:52

I work very part time, it's bloody brilliant. I've loved being (mostly) a SAHM.

AnnieFarmer · 05/09/2023 16:55

Was a SAHM when my children were little. I started work a couple of days a week where they started school and increased my days as they grew up. Now they’re both in college and I’m in full time work. My ideal would be to work 4 days a week.

Nothing wrong with a desire to be at home with your children when they’re little. And make pancakes! I am grateful I was able to do that.

Thepeopleversuswork · 05/09/2023 16:59

@bookworm44

Don't try and make me out to be some sort of sexist. As we all know GENERALLY men earn more money & i am talking about the women who have low paid jobs not careers!

I don't have to try to make you out to be some sort of sexist, you've done that brilliantly for yourself.

You said (direct quote): "Everyone on here can't wait to get away from their children". Find me an example of a talk thread where salaried male employees are taken to task for going to work eight hours a day to provide for their children with people saying: "They can't wait to get away from their kids!"

As we all know GENERALLY men earn more money & i am talking about the women who have low paid jobs not careers!

Men do generally make more money, it's true. For a range of reasons to do with institutionalised sexism and in large part due attitudes like this where women who work, either through choice or not, are subjected to suggestions that they don't love their children, don't have what it takes to look after them properly or some such nonsense. Or, because men who are work are "facilitated" in their big important careers by women who can't or don't work.

Sorry but I work FT to support my kid because I have to. And its much much harder to be a female breadwinner than a male one because of attitudes like this. I find it profoundly offensive when people who don't know me tip up and tell me I don't love my kid because I work to provide for her. And I will call this out when I see it again and again and again.

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/09/2023 17:01

bookworm44 · 05/09/2023 16:43

Don't try and make me out to be some sort of sexist. As we all know GENERALLY men earn more money & i am talking about the women who have low paid jobs not careers!

Show quote history

It all comes back to sexism though, doesn't it?

Why do you think that generally men earn more money? They are less likely to reduce their hours or take a break from their careers for a start. They are also more likely to have careers at all because growing up, more boys are encouraged into high paying careers than girls.

There's also the gender pay gap.

DesertIslandHereICome · 05/09/2023 17:11

I loved being at home with my children and never regretted it. Never bored, always out and about, such lovely times.
I have always found work incredibly dull and boring, along with the people. l am much happier outside the work environment. I have lots of hobbies and am very happy with my own company now my children have grown up. I read loads and never stop learning about things I'm interested in.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/09/2023 17:13

Sounds really good! I wish I could win the lottery!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/09/2023 17:14

I do have a career but I’ve got to the point in life where I just want a big rest (I’m only 45!)

JohnNolan · 05/09/2023 17:29

I cant think of anything worse! I was counting down til they went back to school after week 1. But none of my DC ever managed to entertain themselves, or play nicely (or quietly). All my DC are ones that are on the go from the moment they wake up and dont stop talking, running round, jumping etc until they are forced into bed at about 9pm. Baking would entertain them for about 30 minutes (if I was lucky) then it would have to be onto the next activity with no breaks all day. Theres a reason I work full time and use wrap around child care for the youngest - mainly my sanity!!

BellaVita · 05/09/2023 17:31

Sounds like heaven.

honeylulu · 05/09/2023 17:35

I felt like that recently when we were on holiday. Proper quality time all the family having fun together, lots of nice long chats, laughing, outdoor activities, enjoying nice meals and beautiful scenery together. (Bit emotional as eldest is about to leave for uni). But sadly if we didn't work there would be no nice holidays, lovely meals, nice home because its all got to be paid for somehow.

Like others will keep buying the lottery tickets.

bookworm44 · 05/09/2023 17:38

Thepeopleversuswork · 05/09/2023 16:59

@bookworm44

Don't try and make me out to be some sort of sexist. As we all know GENERALLY men earn more money & i am talking about the women who have low paid jobs not careers!

I don't have to try to make you out to be some sort of sexist, you've done that brilliantly for yourself.

You said (direct quote): "Everyone on here can't wait to get away from their children". Find me an example of a talk thread where salaried male employees are taken to task for going to work eight hours a day to provide for their children with people saying: "They can't wait to get away from their kids!"

As we all know GENERALLY men earn more money & i am talking about the women who have low paid jobs not careers!

Men do generally make more money, it's true. For a range of reasons to do with institutionalised sexism and in large part due attitudes like this where women who work, either through choice or not, are subjected to suggestions that they don't love their children, don't have what it takes to look after them properly or some such nonsense. Or, because men who are work are "facilitated" in their big important careers by women who can't or don't work.

Sorry but I work FT to support my kid because I have to. And its much much harder to be a female breadwinner than a male one because of attitudes like this. I find it profoundly offensive when people who don't know me tip up and tell me I don't love my kid because I work to provide for her. And I will call this out when I see it again and again and again.

You work FT because you have to, clearly then not one of the mothers my post is aimed at.