To just want to stay at home and make pancakes

[Drizzlewithatouchofgrey]

Last week of being at home with Dd, 5, until it’s back to school and work..all the rushing, emails, WhatsApp school groups and so on.
Lovely, slow morning making pancakes for Dd for breakfast, early morning dog walk, baking later.
Aibu to want to live like this everyday?
I’d very happily never work again, given the choice. People say they’d be bored, I wouldn’t, I’d walk the dog, meet friends, work out, read, write, cook great meals, be fully present with Dd without feeling rushed/stressed at times

Fair enough.

I'd absolutely be bored if I was a SAHM. My DS is wonderful but I don't want to spend 24/7 with him.

He's also currently a baby and frankly, babies are dull for the large part. I had him because I want a child who will one day grow up to be an adult, thankfully he does get more interesting as he gets older and he'll only be a baby for a short amount of time in the long run.

This is actually what loads of shift workers do already though, my nurse friends do 11 hour days, my police friends do 10 hour days, and have lovely long weekends.

Yep it seems like everything is such a rush these days and there is little chance for downtime or just doing nice wholesome things with the kids. I’m so sick of juggling everything this holiday that I’d quote happily pack work in and just spend the time getting my shit together! My house is a mess and my car is a tip, work is mad… it’s all a bit much! But I do love my job really and I just need to get back on track.

I tried it and was bored to death. I'm just hoping I can do it in retirement.

Well when I'm off work I always think I could just stay like this. I could too, I wouldn't be bored, or without structure. I have enough to keep me busy.

Doesn't mean that I want to be kept. The reality is I'd need to come into a large amount of money. I also love being off work with my dc, doesn't mean I don't want them to go to school and be educated because I know that they need to.

I think that some people like to sneer at women who enjoy being at home with their dc. Hence comments about rotting brains and relying on others to keep them.

I work, but I'm not ashamed to say that I enjoy being at home with my children. I like being with them a lot and I like being at home pottering and doing what the fuck I like when I like 🤷‍♀️

So anyone who has children should stay at home to look after them rather than work, or not bother having them?

How do you propose parents earn money?

I would love to be able to take 6 months off and do this but I do think work gives you meaning that being a parent doesn’t.

And so I think I would miss working after a while.

If I won the lottery I would take a couple of years out and travel etc but then I would do lots of volunteering and open a rescue centre.

I’ve left a 20+ year professional career to stay at home. DH is a higher earner, the children are in school. I don’t miss much at all about work, but I am pretty busy with other responsibilities. At the moment I’m sitting in the shade in my garden with a coffee though and definitely don’t want to be anywhere else.

What a stupid comment. Working clearly hasn't saved you from the same fate.

That was to @greyhairnomore

This is actually what loads of shift workers do already though, my nurse friends do 11 hour days, my police friends do 10 hour days, and have lovely long weekends.

I would love to do this.

I enjoy working but it’s hard trying to juggle everything and by the time you get home and do tea the day has gone.

Doing long shifts must be tiring but if you’re already working 8 hours then it’s not that much more and then you get more time off to be able to actually do stuff.

I just do not think that is true. I feel men would be judged just as harshly if they dedicated their whole lives to working long hours and made no time for their children. All of my male friends completely changed when they had children and actively sought more of a work life balance in order to ensure they could spend as much time as possible with their children, some even reducing their work hours as they were able to afford to do so.

I agree. I’ve seen jobs five days on five days off I’d like to go for

I don’t really work much - just a few hours here and there. No kids and I can tell you my brain isn’t rotting!

I have time to enjoy my varied hobbies, see my friends, be with my dog and my DH and I can enjoy weekends together, rather than doing chores and cleaning all day. We have a cleaner as well, but they just keep on top of stuff.

I think those people who claim they’d be bored without work must be very dull!

When you're home full time and the kids are in school, it's very easy to become lazy

Oh I'll clean the cupboards later, I'll organise the garage tomorrow because there's just endless days ahead of you to fill.
Friends aren't necessarily free or willing.
I think a kind of inertia can seep in if you're not really on it and motivated

I stay home and home educate and the mornings are the best part tbh. Busy/hectic mornings trying to get somewhere do my head in, I love waking up slowly, going for a walk, making breakfast together etc.

I agree. So many people work crazy hours, with no time to relax & just be. I love being at home, exercising, reading etc. Luckily, I don’t need to work full time now, so just work a couple of days a week.

Of course it's true. Societal expectations are different for men and women when they become parents, men are expected to be 'providers' and women are expected to be the 'default parent'.

The majority of men don't reduce their working hours when they become parents
The majority of women do.

If someone was to give up their career completely, it is almost always women.

Society makes judgements based on societal norms.

But you'd need twice as many spaces in Universities every year to train people, despite only having half the staff to do it.or you'd need twice as many lecturers and double sized facilities, but where do they come from? You can't just go from full to half as a society. You need to start from scratch.

Currently doing this, taken a year out of work to work on a lot of issues with myself and my mental health. I’m bored shitless. The kids don’t give a crap whether I’m at work or home during the day, though DS loves that I am at home once he’s finished school. All those great meals I’d been planning on cooking? Shite that’s unappreciated. All the exercise I’d been planning on getting? It’s just yet another chore now. All the books I thought I’d get round to reading are still unread and all the leisure time I assumed I’d have has been eaten up by housework, admin needing dealt with, shopping needing done etc etc. I feel like I’m busier than I ever was at work and now I’m properly panicking about how to manage it all once I am back at work.

@SiouxseeSioux because it is repetitive. Parenting is a boring repeat of the same thing each day. I still love them though but never realised how boring it is.

Your guilt tripping is tedious too.

1. You cant send them back and it's not like you try before you buy
2. When you really put the work in and do endless repetitive monotonous shit to engage them, of course a lot of it is boring.
3. Every task requires mental gymnastics. For example, occupying your child and keeping them safe whilst simultaneously getting paints out and preparing the area, refilling the water, taking them to the toilet when they decide hey need to go after 2 minutes of the activity, getting them back to the table without getting the house painty, setting them up again, dealing with the tears when they knock the painting off the table and them being devastated that their brown smudge isnt exactly the same and now they want to get down so you have a painty, tantrummy toddler and you're trying to calm them down whilst minimising the paint mess to the house...then when you finally do, it, time for another activity! How delightful! Actually, that stuff is boring when you do it every day for hours on end, even if there are loads of nice moments, its still hard, so get down from your high horse.

Depends on the job.

DH works in kinda IT for a furniture store. He gets roped into other bits and pieces. No one's life is enhanced by the availability of one of the chairs. The world isn't a brighter place for his sale poster or spreadsheet. It doesn't mean he doesn't work hard but I don't think he gets a sense of meaning from his job.

I worked in youth services so probably got more of a sense of meaning from it.

I think the kids bring a greater sense of meaning and purpose to his life, and to mine.

But I've also got childfree friends who's sense of meaning comes from other aspects of their lives.

And I have childfree and childed friends who have "meaningful" jobs who probably do get sense of meaning from work

Scotland’s about to trial a four day week for civil servants. I think we can do it slowly

This might be missing the point but I try to look on each weekday morning as a mini-weekend. I get up just after 6am (this is the required payment)- I go downstairs while everyone else is still asleep and get school lunches made and school bags packed, I walk the dog in the quiet morning light, I come back in, get showered and then start the day. I even made muffins one morning (having prepped the dry ingredients the night before).

DC can now dress themselves if I leave their uniforms out so I get their breakfast and then sit down for a coffee and a chat with DH before school run time.

It forces me to go to bed at a reasonable hour and do a frantic pre-DC bedtime tidy/sort so I definitely do have “racing around like a headless chicken” time but the payoff of gentle mornings is so worth it. I do work PT too which I think I need for mental exercise!