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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just want to stay at home and make pancakes

139 replies

Drizzlewithatouchofgrey · 05/09/2023 11:04

Last week of being at home with Dd, 5, until it’s back to school and work..all the rushing, emails, WhatsApp school groups and so on.
Lovely, slow morning making pancakes for Dd for breakfast, early morning dog walk, baking later.
Aibu to want to live like this everyday?
I’d very happily never work again, given the choice. People say they’d be bored, I wouldn’t, I’d walk the dog, meet friends, work out, read, write, cook great meals, be fully present with Dd without feeling rushed/stressed at times

OP posts:
Enjoyingthesedays · 05/09/2023 13:26

People are taking this a bit too seriously aren't they?

Where did op say that age expected someone to pay the bills for her? Presumably she's just daydreaming or thinking if money was no object.

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 05/09/2023 13:28

Absolutely. We are trapped as capitalist drones. We should realise this and then all demand a better quality of life.
There must be a better way to live than the way some (most?) of us are living?

Two or max three days of work for everyone and then the rest of the time doing the real things that matter in life.

I’m no expert in economic theory but I always wonder how this would work in practice particularly with regard to essential services. Same when people talk about universal basic income. What if doctors, nurses, firefighters, police, etc all decided they wanted to put two fingers up to capitalism, work maximum two days, and spend the rest of it doing ‘real things that matter’?

Annaishere · 05/09/2023 13:32

Some people would work mon- Wednesday/Thursday other people would work Thursday- Sunday

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 05/09/2023 13:34

Where did op say that age expected someone to pay the bills for her? Presumably she's just daydreaming or thinking if money was no object.

I guess it’s because there are a limited number of ways to avoid working. Basically the choices are:

  1. Rely on someone else to earn the money for you - either a partner or a taxpayer
  2. Inherit it, which is basically another version of (1), but only available to some people
  3. Make enough cash early in your life to avoid working again
  4. Win the lottery
willWillSmithsmith · 05/09/2023 13:34

Only if you have your own stash of money. I love being at home (semi retired) but I couldn’t go back to the days when I relied on someone else for money (when I was a SAHM). I’m a real homebody and never get bored.

Annaishere · 05/09/2023 13:36

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 05/09/2023 13:34

Where did op say that age expected someone to pay the bills for her? Presumably she's just daydreaming or thinking if money was no object.

I guess it’s because there are a limited number of ways to avoid working. Basically the choices are:

  1. Rely on someone else to earn the money for you - either a partner or a taxpayer
  2. Inherit it, which is basically another version of (1), but only available to some people
  3. Make enough cash early in your life to avoid working again
  4. Win the lottery

We already let women stay at home till their child is 5. It would be fine if it was extended

RhymesWithTangerine · 05/09/2023 13:38

Annaishere · 05/09/2023 13:32

Some people would work mon- Wednesday/Thursday other people would work Thursday- Sunday

Er, effectively half the number of hospital staff available? Half the number of air traffic controllers, policemen, people working in shops… literally halve the economy? Noooo.

Whichever previous poster smugly described ‘balance’, what they were actually describing was ‘money’.

PietariKontio · 05/09/2023 13:39

100% agree - I'm approx 2 years from retirement and it can't come quickly enough.

I've always worked hard, but equally, but I'd never say I had a work ethic as such, just if you get paid for something you have to earn it. IYSWIM

I'd loved to have been a SAHP - I did so for about 18 months, we just could never afford for either one of us to do it long-term

Annaishere · 05/09/2023 13:39

Well they can hire more people. More people would have good jobs

Annaishere · 05/09/2023 13:40

We can use robots for shop staff also

PerspiringElizabeth · 05/09/2023 13:41

Yeah sounds fab! I am a SAHM and cba to make pancakes every morning though. It’s a lovely life and I would be loath to change it, but the idyllic picture of it isn’t real life unfortunately!

I do do a lot of hobbies/socialising/workouts though so if you wanted to prioritise pancakes (yum) there’s probably time! Oh now I’m thinking I should prioritise pancakes.

sheworemellowyellow · 05/09/2023 13:42

greyhairnomore · 05/09/2023 13:01

Absolutely, while your brain rots.

Show quote history

😂

Are you saying the only way for a brain not to rot is to have a job?!

Actually you may well be, given how lacking in imagination you seem to be.

Cordeliathecat · 05/09/2023 13:42

I used to feel like you and so stopped working for a while when my kids were around 5 and 7 years old. I had come into a bit of money all of a sudden so luckily could afford it. The novelty soon wore off. I found myself sitting at home watching the clock till I could pick the kids up from school and have my little buddies back for company and entertainment!

Sure I could keep myself busy if I wanted to but I really didn’t want to clean, or sort laundry, or organise the basement etc etc. I was just so bored when they were in school.

It lasted about 6 months until I found another job and went back to work!

BlastedSkreet · 05/09/2023 13:43

This

To just want to stay at home and make pancakes
Carebearstare12e · 05/09/2023 13:44

SiouxseeSioux · 05/09/2023 12:45

I never get why people say they are bored being at home looking after their own children. A whole new person who changes & learns every day.
Why did you bother having them?

Goady.

Looking after young children is wonderful but definitely has it's boring elements.

JaneyGee · 05/09/2023 13:45

Oh god yes. I hate working. My home town (rural Essex) is now so crowded and hectic, and the traffic is so awful, that I hate leaving the house. If I had a nice garden, and a conservatory filled with books, I'd stay indoors for days on end. Life could be so good if only we didn't need to work, and if only there weren't so many people. It would be lovely to get up, go for a jog through the countryside, do some yoga, make pancakes, and then spend the morning reading, or studying Japanese. The maybe stroll down to the local coffee shop around 11, meet a friend for lunch, etc.

In reality, I jog along roads choked with traffic, where the cars are so close to the pavement they almost touch me, and where people occasionally lean out their window and shout things at me. I live on a new build estate with so many people on top of me I feel like I'm suffocating. And I have to work all the hours I can to pay for my tiny rabbit hutch, with walls so thin I can hear the neighbours snoring. It's depressing to think how good life could be, and how crap it really is.

TheWrenTheWren · 05/09/2023 13:46

Drizzlewithatouchofgrey · 05/09/2023 11:04

Last week of being at home with Dd, 5, until it’s back to school and work..all the rushing, emails, WhatsApp school groups and so on.
Lovely, slow morning making pancakes for Dd for breakfast, early morning dog walk, baking later.
Aibu to want to live like this everyday?
I’d very happily never work again, given the choice. People say they’d be bored, I wouldn’t, I’d walk the dog, meet friends, work out, read, write, cook great meals, be fully present with Dd without feeling rushed/stressed at times

Honestly, I think it's only the contrast that makes it feel poignant and desirable -- if this was your life, it would have its own problems. . Vanishingly few people are suited to be a SAHP longterm.

Cowlover89 · 05/09/2023 13:47

Annaishere · 05/09/2023 13:36

We already let women stay at home till their child is 5. It would be fine if it was extended

Show quote history

I'm sure it's 3 not 5

Annaishere · 05/09/2023 13:50

Cowlover89 · 05/09/2023 13:47

I'm sure it's 3 not 5

Show quote history

Is it ? That’s a shame

Annaishere · 05/09/2023 13:51

it seems really hard for mums with young children these days

MzHz · 05/09/2023 13:53

Cordeliathecat · 05/09/2023 13:42

I used to feel like you and so stopped working for a while when my kids were around 5 and 7 years old. I had come into a bit of money all of a sudden so luckily could afford it. The novelty soon wore off. I found myself sitting at home watching the clock till I could pick the kids up from school and have my little buddies back for company and entertainment!

Sure I could keep myself busy if I wanted to but I really didn’t want to clean, or sort laundry, or organise the basement etc etc. I was just so bored when they were in school.

It lasted about 6 months until I found another job and went back to work!

Couldn’t agree more! I was always envious of those who lunched

then circumstances conspired to present me with a SAH life. Once I’d got over the shock of losing my job and coming to terms with the fact that there was a lot of project management needed in our new home together it was fine.

i swam, I joined a yoga class, OH came with me. But all the friends I had were working, and when the house projects were complete I had nothing to do!

that was boring. So I decided to look for something to do.

then covid hit.

eventually I got a wfh/pt job and 3 years later I’m still doing it, and love it. Best of both worlds!

the grass only looks green on the other side of the fence, unless all your friends are SAH parents you’ll have nobody to talk to, you’ll run out of conversation etc and your life will shrink from what you know

one thing I did in the past was to change my hours to spend more time with DS and that really helped

VeridicalVagabond · 05/09/2023 13:54

I am fortunate enough to have been able to take a year off last year, just because I needed a break from the grind.

It was fucking glorious. I wasn't bored at all, my house was spotless, we ate much better, I got fitter, and my brain certainly didn't rot 🙄 in fact I had more time to exercise it with reading, languages, learning new skills.

Back in work now but if we could afford for me to never work again I'd retire in a heartbeat.

YukoandHiro · 05/09/2023 13:55

Honestly I feel absolutely the opposite and am desperate to get back to focusing on work and having some structure to the days and weeks.
But we're all different! I enjoy my job and feel a bit aimless if not working but not also on a proper holiday (eg just at home but not working)

YukoandHiro · 05/09/2023 13:56

SiouxseeSioux · 05/09/2023 12:45

I never get why people say they are bored being at home looking after their own children. A whole new person who changes & learns every day.
Why did you bother having them?

There's always one...

TheKeatingFive · 05/09/2023 13:59

There's nothing unreasonable about living how you want to live. Can you make it happen?