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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be struggling managing someone I dislike

95 replies

mamagementpeopleyoudislike · 04/09/2023 22:13

NC. Before you say I'm a bad manager here me out...

I don't finding managing most people an issue or even difficult (testing at times but generally pretty ok).

I have someone at the moment who is capable, but rude and involved themselves in things they don't need to often which creates drama.

And when things are picked up with them all hell breaks loose and they get upset.

They are cheeky and rude but not to the point that warrant a warning for example - it's just their personality. I can tell they don't mean anything by it it maliciously but they tend to rub people up the wrong way.

I know it's not personal because I see it with others (it's not often it happens but it does).

It makes me dislike the person and completely unsure how to solve the issue.

Any supervisors or managers who have had this experience.

OP posts:
Daffidale · 04/09/2023 22:23

I have someone at the moment who is capable, but rude and involved themselves in things they don't need to often which creates drama.

And when things are picked up with them all hell breaks loose and they get upset.

This isn’t just that you don’t like them though, is it? Their behaviour is disruptive (“creates drama”) and they don’t take feedback well (“all hell breaks loose). It may not be enough for a proper warning, but it definitely warrants raising as an issue.

I would approach it like that - an issue of how they behave at work - and not that you personally dislike their behaviour.

Not liking them would be more like, you don’t have anything in common outside work, or don’t find their inoffensive jokes funny, or they are just one of those people whose manner you find difficult.

Original poster
mamagementpeopleyoudislike · 04/09/2023 22:31

or don’t find their inoffensive jokes funny, or they are just one of those people whose manner you find difficult.
*
Both of the above are accurate - that's exactly what I mean when I say it's dislike*

OP posts:
Original poster
mamagementpeopleyoudislike · 04/09/2023 22:31

I guess I wonder how you raise issues like this? It's really, really difficult

OP posts:
hoven · 04/09/2023 22:34

So the issue is you dislike them? You can leave the company or try to get demoted so you don't have to manage people

Malapataraso · 04/09/2023 22:35

“And when things are picked up with them all hell breaks loose and they get upset.”

What does this mean, when things are picked up with them?

orangesandapples001 · 04/09/2023 22:35

As an employee who gets picked on by my manager, please don't let emotion (your dislike) get in the way. Listen to them, hear their points of view and work out how to make things better building a rapport with them. Put yourself in their shoes. That's the making of a good manager. If they are rude, why are they being rude? Why do they feel the need to be defensive? I hope this is helpful.

Original poster
mamagementpeopleyoudislike · 04/09/2023 22:35

@Malapataraso issues with how they behave

OP posts:
Original poster
mamagementpeopleyoudislike · 04/09/2023 22:36

@orangesandapples001 thank you, it actually is helpful and a guide perspective Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
mamagementpeopleyoudislike · 04/09/2023 22:37

@orangesandapples001 just to add they get defensive when they don't get their own way and over strange things

OP posts:
Original poster
mamagementpeopleyoudislike · 04/09/2023 22:37

@hoven well that would be ridiculous and extreme wouldn't it 🙄

OP posts:
hoven · 04/09/2023 22:41

Of course not. Trying to get rid of someone just because you dislike them is extreme. Hitler did the same

Original poster
mamagementpeopleyoudislike · 04/09/2023 22:43

@hoven who said I'm getting rid of someone? I came her for advice 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Wanderinghome · 04/09/2023 22:43

Do you have mid year appraisals where you can bring issues up and give them time to address them before their appraisal.

I'm my old job nothing could be mentioned in their appraisal if they hadn't been informed of it in the mid appraisal. Would you be able to give them examples of how it's impacted the efficiency of the team?

What are they involving themselves in? Because if they're capable of their job are they showing extra capacity, could they be given a further responsibility?

hoven · 04/09/2023 22:43

mamagementpeopleyoudislike · 04/09/2023 22:43

@hoven who said I'm getting rid of someone? I came her for advice 🤦‍♀️

There is none apart from suck it up, leave or change roles

Original poster
mamagementpeopleyoudislike · 04/09/2023 22:44

@Wanderinghome thank you for your suggestion.

I'm my old job nothing could be mentioned in their appraisal if they hadn't been informed of it in the mid appraisal.
*
I'm not sure what the above means?*

OP posts:
orangesandapples001 · 04/09/2023 22:45

mamagementpeopleyoudislike · 04/09/2023 22:37

@orangesandapples001 just to add they get defensive when they don't get their own way and over strange things

Do they understand why they don't get their own way? And has it been considered why would their suggested way be better? Is there a compromise somewhere? Just trying to help see other ends of things.

Original poster
mamagementpeopleyoudislike · 04/09/2023 22:46

@hoven don't be so stupid, clearly you're probably unemployed or have no idea how the world of work is - if people don't like something or are having an issue basically instead of seeking advice they should just quit their job?

Don't be so ridiculous

As I stated I've managed years and first time I've come across someone like this for a long time - so please don't try and make out it's me with the issue.

I'm not perfect and this person is a challenge which is why I posted for advice

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 04/09/2023 22:46

hoven · 04/09/2023 22:41

Of course not. Trying to get rid of someone just because you dislike them is extreme. Hitler did the same

Oooh isn't that Godwin's law? I haven't seen it on here for a while.

Original poster
mamagementpeopleyoudislike · 04/09/2023 22:47

@orangesandapples001 Imyes I do explain why they don't get their way and they keep on and on and don't give up. It's like they didn't listen the first time which of course is going to get anyone's back up

OP posts:
hoven · 04/09/2023 22:47

mamagementpeopleyoudislike · 04/09/2023 22:46

@hoven don't be so stupid, clearly you're probably unemployed or have no idea how the world of work is - if people don't like something or are having an issue basically instead of seeking advice they should just quit their job?

Don't be so ridiculous

As I stated I've managed years and first time I've come across someone like this for a long time - so please don't try and make out it's me with the issue.

I'm not perfect and this person is a challenge which is why I posted for advice

Do you expect to 'like' everyone at work? That sounds stupid to me

Doublebubblegum · 04/09/2023 22:49

I had this with a team member of mine a while back. She was difficult - but what made it harder, was that she was almost universally loved by everyone else in the business (that didn't have to manage her/work with her closely). Her natural response to any sort of change was to rally against it and create a huge fuss, she was often hostile/a bit gobby at team meetings, and she was extremely high maintenance, needing to speak to me way more than any other members of my team. I actually didn't like her as a person as I thought her behaviour was manipulative. I hate this phrase but my approach with people I don't see eye to eye with is 'kill with kindness'. I accepted she needed more of my time and energy than others, worked on my relationship with her by really trying to understand what her motivations were, and adapted the way I interacted with her accordingly. I knew she'd be the first one to disagree with an initiative/new process if I raised it during a team meeting - so I worked on getting her 'on side' prior to the meeting, for example. I realised she needed lots of praise when things went well - so I bit my tongue and praised the good stuff.

Original poster
mamagementpeopleyoudislike · 04/09/2023 22:52

@Doublebubblegum that is really good advice thank you and I find myself doing this with them lately but it annoys me that I feel like I'm pandering to them.

Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Does management really sometimes involve pandering to certain personalities as I've not had to do this prior!?

OP posts:
ItWasAllFields · 04/09/2023 22:52

What kind of a manager asks internet forums for advice?............

hoven · 04/09/2023 22:54

ItWasAllFields · 04/09/2023 22:52

What kind of a manager asks internet forums for advice?............

Haha. OP have you been on a leadership and management course through your work?

Wanderinghome · 04/09/2023 22:54

If we were writing up on someone and including an area for development that they were expected to be capable of in their role, then we couldn't mention it for the first time in their appraisal.

It would have to be mentioned in their mid appraisal, or an extra appraisal in order to give them time to address the issue.

As a manager if we have a year between appraisals it's our role to develop staff in that time. So not mentioning it until the main appraisal would reflect on us too.

So do they need to do a listening or communication course, or do they need further responsibly that's appropriate for them so that they're not looking elsewhere. Or could your team benefit from some team work tasks, so they're working better as a team.

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