To be struggling managing someone I dislike

[mamagementpeopleyoudislike]

NC. Before you say I'm a bad manager here me out...

I don't finding managing most people an issue or even difficult (testing at times but generally pretty ok).

I have someone at the moment who is capable, but rude and involved themselves in things they don't need to often which creates drama.

And when things are picked up with them all hell breaks loose and they get upset.

They are cheeky and rude but not to the point that warrant a warning for example - it's just their personality. I can tell they don't mean anything by it it maliciously but they tend to rub people up the wrong way.

I know it's not personal because I see it with others (it's not often it happens but it does).

It makes me dislike the person and completely unsure how to solve the issue.

Any supervisors or managers who have had this experience.

No I totally understand the feeling - but I think yes, sometimes as a manager you do have to pander (to some extent) to difficult personalities. It made my life a hell of a lot easier. She did take up such a large proportion of my time but I just sort of accepted that's the way it had to be.

@ItWasAllFields that's like saying what kind of parents asks for parenting advice.

Or what kind of person asks for any advice.

Don't be so ridiculous

The difference is you have many professional resources available to you

@hoven many parenting resources available too, such as books etc. it's absolutely no different

Hi OP

It might be helpful if you could give some specific examples of behaviour, how you dealt with it, and the effect it had on the team

I'd always try and be specific and ask questions. Eg you asked to do this. I explained why it wouldn't work and yet you asked a further 4 or 5 times even though nothing had changed. I've noticed you did this in these other projects as well. How do you feel about this? What do you think is the reason that we're not all on the same page? In hindsight do you still think the same way? What can we do next time so that we spend less time covering the same ground again? And then if if happens again you can say 'we discussed this and agreed that once we have reached a consensus...so please don't bring it up again'

Nothing ridiculous about it. A decent manager would have all the necessary skills and resources to deal with problems without resorting to asking on the internet.

@DrinkFeckArseBrick thank you, another good suggestion and advice.

Does management really sometimes involve pandering to certain personalities as I've not had to do this prior!?

The whole world of work often involves pandering to certain personalities, just to get through a working day and that goes for managers and employees.

@ItWasAllFields so would decent parents in that case. Yet Mumsnet exists

@WhateverMate that's a fair point. I never looked at it like this but guess your right. It works both ways and pandering is I guess some ways necessary for an easier life 😂

Work pays. Who pays for your parenting courses?

It's very much different, because a lot of those parents will be first time parents, without prior training.
You as a manager on the other hand, should have the necessary skill set to perform in your role without asking strangers.

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for advice on here about managing people - being a manager does not mean that you will know everything or have had experience in dealing with all aspects of management. What's wrong with getting other people's opinions/suggestions?

Professional resources > Mumsnet

Any manager who thinks they know everything would probably not be a very good one.

We come across different people with different needs and motivations all the time. You don't need to pander to them but you need to try and understand them and be prepared for honest conversation.

@Doublebubblegum Then you seek advice from your own manager, or a relevant professional agency.

@Doublebubblegum exactly. I think people have vendettas against managers such as @hoven and @ItWasAllFields because they hate being managed by managers.

No one said a manager is perfect and can't get perspectives from strangers. Does that mean wealthy parents shouldn't come on here asking for advice they should only pay for parenting courses because they can afford them? Or basically anyone that has money to pay for courses shouldn't ask for advice on the internet?

Who said work can pay for course? You have no idea where I work or what resources are available to me,

Clearly those two posters just don't like working for other people so are trying to get one up because a 'manager' is looking for advice - it somehow makes them feel better about themselves.

First thing is to try and take a step back here and realise your dislike of her is an emotional response to her making your job more challenging. She is not someone you need to be friends with or even like, she is someone you need to behave effectively to achieve your objectives.

Then, take some time and really think about some concrete examples of how her behaviour is being ineffective. Be as specific as you can and make a note of them.

After that I'd focus on visualising the outcome that you want from this situation. What does that look like and how does your behaviour need to change towards that person to bring it about (i.e. how do you need to manage her to get her to be an effective part of your team). Doe she need more support, encouragement, praise, honest feedback, kick up the arse or what?

Finally adjust your behaviour to try and get the desired result. If that means giving feedback you have your specific examples, if not then you have them as a benchmark to compare whether your approach has been successful. If not, then regroup and try and different approach. Don't worry if you don't get it right the first time.

I'm afraid line management is a classic 80:20 rule. The 20% of the most difficult staff take 80% of your time to manage.

Wandering will no doubt be able to explain but I could hazard a guess. My manager appraisal training said that nothing mentioned in a year end appraisal should come as a surprise to the employee. In other words if there are issues with the employee, the manager would already have raised with the employee in real time (or close to it) so that the employee has an opportunity to address it.

For whatever reason, this employee is an awkward person. Personal feelings aside, does the employee's behaviour cause any other employee to be upset? Is it just you who is upset?

If other employees are upset, then it is the manager's duty to raise with the employee (not easy convo (!) but causing disruption in the team can be the basis for raising it). But if it is just you that is feeling put out, then I guess you have to be the bigger person and try to suck it up for as long as you can.

I think the OP is getting a hard time from some on here, and I'll admit it does make me bristle when managers turn to Mumsnet for advice on doing their jobs. I guess I feel it makes women in management look a bit unprofessonal.

But the OP isn't the first manager to ask questions like this on MN and she won't be the last, so I think the pile-on is uncalled for.

@TeapotTitties why does this be some about women? But thank you for your post genuinely curious

@mamagementpeopleyoudislike Strangely, you don't know what my professional role is to make that assumption.
On the basis of your assumption, I can only consider that you are a poor manager who really should seek further training and advice on your role.

Accept that this person needs to be managed differently.

Try and out personal dislike to one side (which I'm sure you're already doing)

Tackle the behaviour and their work, not the person or their personality.

Do you have cultural behaviours you can measure her against?

Sorry, meant say, can you speak to your manager about this OP, or other managers at work?

They might have the best advice?