To be struggling managing someone I dislike

[mamagementpeopleyoudislike]

NC. Before you say I'm a bad manager here me out...

I don't finding managing most people an issue or even difficult (testing at times but generally pretty ok).

I have someone at the moment who is capable, but rude and involved themselves in things they don't need to often which creates drama.

And when things are picked up with them all hell breaks loose and they get upset.

They are cheeky and rude but not to the point that warrant a warning for example - it's just their personality. I can tell they don't mean anything by it it maliciously but they tend to rub people up the wrong way.

I know it's not personal because I see it with others (it's not often it happens but it does).

It makes me dislike the person and completely unsure how to solve the issue.

Any supervisors or managers who have had this experience.

I wonder if I am the only one who reads threads like this and wonders if it's me!! I think I may be regarded as difficult. Some of this I just live with as it matters (safeguarding element) but I know I need to ignore things or not say what I think - or think more carefully about my approach.

I, however, do appreciate direct feedback. Even if this person doesn't respond well I would have thought it needs to happen. As always be specific. X situation became more complicated because of your action (specific). Next time it might be better to... (eg come to me). Or re the rudeness/cheeky... can you please think how to say/write x message differently next time.

I have been called rude when communicating by email when I get a bit fed up (a culture of lots of people being copied in so you don't know who is actually doing xyz can be annoying) so perhaps worth exploring reasons even if you stay on message about what is unacceptable. Also find the team meeting comment unclear, might team members think open discussion is acceptable?

This

I think a) hoven isn't a manager or b) is probably a bad one.

In terms of adapting to people. I am naturally a consultative person and consensus builder and in my early career I found people like the person you mention hard too. Till I realised some people like to hear a really clear 'order'. Have you perhaps been too soft in making it clear the decision is made and you have made it? Perhaps you need to be more direct in letting them know this. Have you ever tried that with them- you might find they take it really well and with their personality they like a clear line in the sand from you?

See, team meetings to me are for debate & discussion. I would automatically raise potential issues at a meeting, and expect colleagues to do the same. If that's not what meetings are to you, then it's worth explaining - and clarifying your preferred method of raising issues / criticism / querying.

It's been interesting reading your replies to critics here. You seem very quick to defence and counter-attack. It's quite possible, I think, that you may be reacting this way to the perceived insubordination of this team member. Do you think so?

There's been some excellent input from PPs on improving your rapport with this person by finding out what makes her tick, putting yourself in her shoes, "killing her with kindness". You called this pandering, I call it effective relationship management.

All good management books highlight the importance of bringing out your team members' talents, and of fostering mutual respect.

I know what you mean. Exactly the same is happening at my work. It’s really uncomfortable. Manager is a good person, decent manager. I have no problem doing as she asks, never have.

Young colleague simply doesn’t like being asked / told to do tasks. He’s casing drama & turning other staff against this manager. Who previously got on fine with folk. It’s horrible to watch, gotta say.

There's a great site called Ask a Manager that has tonnes of advice, it's American I think but has really good tips on there.

You have my sympathy I'm currently having issues with my manager although it isn't just me. Actually I'm having issues with the workplace and colleagues in general I never expected to encounter again after my bloody awful temping twenties were past....

When I was a manager I used to find the high maintenance aspects of some of my team very hard work and incredibly time consuming. You might also find it helpful to look up MBTI types, Insights, and also Belbin Team roles if you've not tried them with your team already. They all helped me immensely, good luck.

@Greengagesnfennel

I didn't say op must know everything and yes I am a senior manager and have qualifications in leadership.

I'm simply stating there are many ways to get guidance with this type of thing such as through courses funded by the workplace as I have done.

Also the op clearly states the issue is that they simply do not like the team member - begging the question that they should like everyone at work which is simply not the case.

I can see your struggle - you too are not taking negative feedback well on here. Perhaps you both have work to do.

For me I would do - when you notice something happen, make a note (mentally or somewhere secure on your computer) and as soon as there is an opportunity speak to them.

I noticed earlier that X person asked you to complete X task and you said you'll do it when you are ready, I felt that the communication didn't flow very well in being mindful of your team and working together, why do you think you gave the answer you did? It's not a problem to be busy and unable to complete an additional task but if you speak openly with the team and say you are doing Y right now which should take around an hour, then you can begin X then your team mate will know that to expect and what you are working on at the moment. If defensive then open that discussion too, I feel like you are getting upset I have approached you about this, but I do need to approach issues - how would you like me to approach this differently in future and what style do you prefer me to use with you as I want you to feel happy and confident, but also need to manage my team and give feedback.

No harm in asking.

How difficult would it be to sack him?

Difficult people are a risk and liability and bring down the morale of a team.

I manage a large team, I've been a manager for a number of years and there been people who I probably wouldn't say I liked.
Currently there is one team member in particular who's personality and behaviours I can say I don't like.
The challenge is to still manage them to draw out the best of their abilities. My personal opinion of them is irrelevant. You need to remain objective.
Not everyone likes everyone else, we're human but for those employees you need to step back and put a little distance between your options and your management of them.
One is particularly difficult in terms of how they behave, they are unable to manage their reactions to situations when stressed.

I'm supporting her with that, various step's including identifying the causes of her stress and giving support.

It doesn't matter if I like her, it's my job to manage her performance and part of that is the support I'm giving her.
We wouldn't be friends if we met outside of work but I care about doing my job well and I have empathy for her, so I keep at it.

@Shouldreallyknowbetter nope not only you. I felt half this thread could have been written by my manager about me.

I am a manager in a large global organisation. I manage one person in particular at the moment who is competent and can do good work, but can be rude to people, gets very frustrated at times and creates drama in the team the others complain to me about.
I think in a global organisation like mine, you have to leave some of your personality at the door and try to fit into the corporate culture. This is how I am trying to teach him. At times I could scream at him, he can be soooo ruuuude!

Cheeky and rude isn't a personality type, they've learned they get away with it.
All employees have a right to respect in the workplace and ongoing cheek and rudeness can contribute to a disrespectful environment.
You may need to tackle what they see as being a straight talker and what is actually making an uncomfortable work environment.

Can you ask HR for help?

Do you have regular supervision with them once a month or every other month?
Sometimes it’s helpful to frame things in terms of how they make you feel, ie the impact their behaviour has on you (or others). Eg

When you said (rudeness) this is the impact it had on (specific situation) and it made me feel (x y z).
Can we review this? This is what you said (rudeness) and why it is considered inappropriate in the workplace.
When I give you feedback about (some of your language choices) or (your behaviour in recent situation) you don’t seem to be very open to considering what I have to say/ react by taking offence and this makes me feel that it’s difficult to give you constructive feedback and offer you support.

Ultimately I think it depends on how bad the behaviour is. If it’s really inappropriate enough to need highlighting and addressing? Or if it’s just a bit close to the wind and needs ‘pandering to’ or grey rocking, or ‘killing with kindness’.

One who is trying to improve and learn from other people's experiences

Christ there are some people here desperate to take a snipe at the OP.
Guessing all you lot coming at her have never looked up advice on the internet? Yes managers go through training and have resources and knowledge but sometimes, managers just want an outside opinion on something. Nothing wrong with that. Stop being so nasty.

I would much rather have the OP as a manager who wants to make sure they are doing the right thing than all you miserable, better than the rest posters on here. I feel sorry for you all if you're managing people underneath you.

OP I don't have much to suggest, apart from do you your employees have a monthly review / mid month catch up? We do at our company to go through KPIs from the month before and how we're looking for the month ahead. If you don't have those types of meetings perhaps you could go down the route of that, build a rapport with the employee and make some suggestions there for ways to improve. Tell them you'll meet again in a months time for a catch up to reassess so you put a time frame on it. If nothings improved / worse than you'll have to go down the more official route but I'd try to avoid that on the first meeting about this. Especially if they're causing drama and getting involved with things, my only real advice is to put a time stamp on it. Speak again in 4 weeks and see where you are.

Good luck!

And always reach out to HR for help too. I'd probably do that after the second meeting if all else fails just to show you've tried and implemented a plan yourself first but the employee in question hasn't responded to it.

I know right?! It was so funny, how quickly that went from A to Z lol

The funniest thing is that this isn't even something Hitler was guilty of with the people he managed, he was stuck with Goering and Guderian even though he loathed them and they were well past their level of competence lol