AIBU to consider homeschooling a 13 year old on a very small budget?

[Imustbecrazy123]

My son is about to enter year 8 and really doesn’t want to go back despite his younger sister starting year 7.
He has ADHD and dyslexia and has struggled his way through primary school, not just academically but also socially he has never ever made a solid group of friends and we hoped so much that this would change come secondary school but it hasn’t - in fact it’s got worse as he’s so aware of being left out / laughed at for being in the bottom sets now.
He isn’t motivated at all so I’m really worried I would struggle to get him to do any work at home and with GCSEs only a few years away this is a real concern
Financially, I’ll be ruined as will need to give up my job but I need to help his self esteem 😢

You need to think carefully about whether or not you’re capable of teaching 8/9 subjects to GCSE level or have the resources to get help to do so. Not easy teaching your own kids, esp with SeN issues

I know a family who did but she was a social worker who excelled at humanities and the dad was a teacher of medicine and a GP and they still hired tutors for some subjects/ or help at specific times

I would try to get something in place at school, have you had a meeting with the Senco ?

If you home school, there are lots of hidden costs like paying for entering them for GCSE’s.

Why don’t you approach your local parent partnership service for support e.g IPSEA they are different in each area.

”socially he has never ever made a solid group of friends” if he’s not got many friends, how do you think this can be remedied by isolating him more at home?

“he’s so aware of being left out / laughed at for being in the bottom sets” well, he will have to get over that. When you start your career you will start at the bottom, when you start uni you will start at the bottom, everything starts at the bottom. You can’t wrap your child in bubble wrap his entire life. overcoming the fear of being laughed at for being in the bottom set is a valuable lesson and life skill. his life at school will get better, he’s only in year 8. I guarantee you he will find his place by year 10. I know it’s so hard, but please let him flourish in his own time. I usually don’t comment on threads but I felt the need to on this one because I’ve seen so many children not reach their full potential due to homeschooling.

10 GCSES cost £440 and 4 ALevels cost £420, adding to what goneroundthetwist is saying. Professional tutors cost a lot. If you don’t think you will need them then that’s just setting your child up for failure.

Being ridiculed doesn't usually build strength of character, it tends to go the other way and can destroy your life with long lasting effects way into adulthood.

Starting at the bottom isn't the same as being in the bottom sets for everything and it being nigh on impossible to ever catch up with the other children. I couldn't bear to watch my child's self esteem be ruined either.

Home schooling can be great but it is a big commitment and not just financially. Unless you feel confident in being able to teach him and engage him then I would think very carefully. It does seem he isn't getting the support he needs and perhaps the school doesn't suit him, is there any scope to explore if he can access anything else etc before considering this?

"“he’s so aware of being left out / laughed at for being in the bottom sets” well, he will have to get over that.
No he bloody doesn't!!

If it means that you have to give up your job, have you thought of alternatives? Is there another school you can apply to?

In order to get him to GCSE standard, you’ll need to get tutors for the subjects you really can’t do yourself and that will need to be regular and frequent. Home schooling doesn’t just mean being at home. There are lots of things that HE do outside home and they’ll cost money too.

If he isn’t motivated at school, do you think he’ll knuckle down at home, or just do the things he enjoys, which probably won’t lead to a GCSE qualification.

My son was in bottom sets, for similar reasons, but without ADHD. He hated school, but always went and put up with being in bottom sets. He only found his niche when he went to college and flourished.

Please think carefully. Once you take that decision, it will be very hard to change it. You don’t say whether you’ve approached the school/form tutor/ head of year/ SENCo, but I would do that before making changes.

You could move him to a less academic, more skills focused setting. University Technical Colleges or Studio Schools might suit him; these are offered by some local authorities and you can transfer in Year 9.

Have you thought about specialist tutoring? I did that for my son with dyslexia and it really helped him pass GCSEs. Socially things are tricky at his age regardless of whether he is in school or not. I home educated my children so I'm not against it as a concept but it isn't necessarily the answer for every situation.

It’s a massive commitment for you, not just financially. Can you keep working but pay for some specialist tutoring? I’m not sure how keeping it home will make it any easier to make friends, or be motivated.

Thank you for the replies
Socially he is immature compared to other children his age but he has no trouble making friends In social settings such as skateparks / karate but literally not one friend at school
They are all generally bright children in the local primary here ( I worked there so o know the intake ) which I thought would change come secondary but it just hasn’t
I can’t see how he will cope or pass GCSEs even in school so I’m not sure it’s doing him a disservice taking him out of somewhere that’s knocking his self esteem when the end result is white possibly going to be the same.
i suggested trying another school but he is convinced that will be even worse as nobody will know him / dislike him and everything will be brand new so a doubly blow

Is there a specialist school near you (I know these are hard to get a place in) or another school with good SEN department? my SS goes to one and has ADHD, he finally has some friends after a really bad time at primary, and he can read now when he left school not being able to, gets plenty of support and all the other kids are like him, he won’t do GCSEs but will do equivalent while being supported so may be an option.

You're far better off applying for an echp and using your time to fight for that than home ed. Esp if it leaves you in a precarious financial situation.
Please try to apply for DLA as well.

Sounds really difficult OP :(

My mum is having to consider home schooling her grand daughter (my niece) and the cost alone is quite prohibitive.

One thing I would say about his schooling is, he can't be sitting alone in the classroom in his bottom sets! I was very bright and got all A* - B GCSES, but I was in bottom sets in year 7 and 8 solely predicted on SATS scores in primary school.

I would genuinely consider myself home schooling once my kids get to secondary if they are really struggling, but I'd also look at trying to maybe work with the school and really push for support socially and academically.

Even if it takes you hours a week of effort with the school, it will still be less than home schooling him especially if he is only just started Y8 now; that's a long road ahead.

At the end of the day though mental health and wellbeing come first. What you need to consider is if HS is the answer to that problem though, or if you can teach him things like managing anxiety, resilience etc to help him cope with MS school.

Why do people act like every child needs to do GCSEs?

It's not the right route for everyone. I can tell there are very few HE people on this thread.

i suggested trying another school but he is convinced that will be even worse as nobody will know him / dislike him and everything will be brand new so a doubly blow

He doesn't know that and he's a kid so I wouldn't put that decision on him. Of course he's afraid of the unknown and scarred by past experiences but to write off all other schools because of his limited experience doesn't set him up well for trying new things in future. This school sounds like a bad fit but there'll be others where they're better with SEN or have more activities he likes or a more inclusive approach. It isn't homeschooling or this school or nothing. Don't leave it up to him to set the tone. Take the lead and give it much more of a shot before giving up on formal education when you're not well set up for it and it might exacerbate his issues and fears.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

@Tambatamba Yes that's absolutely a fair point. You are right personally I have no experience of this so OP ignore my post apart from the solidarity.

If you don't think he's going to do well academically then that's fair enough but I'd make sure I discussed everything at length with the school and see if you can find some support; he is only 13 after all and doesn't have the same understanding of implications on his future etc. I'm sure lots of kids who struggle to fit in would jump at the chance of leaving school but is it always the right choice? I honestly don't know but will follow the thread to hear from more experienced posters as it may help my niece.

I genuinely didn't even know it was an option to not do GCSEs if HE, I thought it was required!

Could you keep him at home for this year and maybe next and really concentrate on reading, writing and maths so that he could go back next year or in Y10?
Find out what he really enjoys and help him to learn through that.

Because they give you options. Sure exams aren't the be all and end all, and they're not a fair representation of someone's abilities; but rightly or wrongly they're needed to access further training and jobs. There are some you can get without a formal education or any grades, but realistically its going to limit someone- and not just in terms of academic jobs and careers. It's a huge decision to make when they're young as whilst they can go on to do exams when they're older it's harder to find the time tbh.

I know this is easier said than done OP but I wouldn't be suggesting anything to your 13 year old. My very dyslexic 15 year old is moving to a specialist school this week. She has a very similar profile to your son and no, she's not kicking and screaming but she's not over the moon. Frankly, I am the adult and I know this will be better for her. I would never imagine burdening her with that choice at such a young age. It's not a choice. It's what I believe is best for her and she can make her own post 16 choices.
If this doesn't work out she can blame me, not herself. That's a very stressful thing to put on a child.

Would a non-selective private day school, at the more budget end of the market, be an option?

It's never cheap, but the cost certainly cheaper than giving up work, if it's just one child - the one near me which is non selective and has a reputation for being good with dyslexia etc charges £15,600 per year including exam fees and extra curriculars.

Rather than deregistering I second requesting an EHCNA. Then, if school is inappropriate you can pursue EOTAS. A good EHCP can fund far more than the vast majority of parents can afford to fund via EHE.