AIBU to consider homeschooling a 13 year old on a very small budget?

[Imustbecrazy123]

My son is about to enter year 8 and really doesn’t want to go back despite his younger sister starting year 7.
He has ADHD and dyslexia and has struggled his way through primary school, not just academically but also socially he has never ever made a solid group of friends and we hoped so much that this would change come secondary school but it hasn’t - in fact it’s got worse as he’s so aware of being left out / laughed at for being in the bottom sets now.
He isn’t motivated at all so I’m really worried I would struggle to get him to do any work at home and with GCSEs only a few years away this is a real concern
Financially, I’ll be ruined as will need to give up my job but I need to help his self esteem 😢

I think I'd pursue other options first. I'd look for opportunities to meet friends with similar interests outside school. Also, I'd be pushing the school to do more.

I think you run the risk of going from a dc struggling academically and socially to a dc struggling academically, socially and financially, in a family that is under significant pressure.

I would try posting on HE boards where you will get advice from people who’ve been there and done it. It’s horrible watching your child’s self esteem slowly crumbling. There are a few Facebook discount groups for home ed families which have been so helpful for us. I had to give up my job to do it and am on a tight budget - I’m not sure I’d have been able to do it without the Facebook groups and purely use fb for home ed purposes now. We are lucky that our local area has a huge amount of home ed families, clubs and classes. It’s a scary leap of faith and important to do a lot of careful research first. Whatever you decide, I hope things improve for your son.

Make life about more than school, instead of deregistering him get him involved in something he can thrive at to see that he is good at it, somethi g working with animals or with his hands would be great. Our local wildlife Trust has young wardens and they get taught how to safely use hand tools etc and really contribute to the conservation of the area. Hell make friends and no one needs to know his school group. Once school becomes a smaller part of his day it won't feel so bad.

Get him focused in the future and his choices so he has a realistic flight path to work towards. Apprenticeships, work experience etc etc it can take the pressure off and motivate if he knows what he needs to get to move forward and what alternatives there are.

Whilst it is true that you don't need the vast number of GCSEs schools encourage it is very hard to get anywhere these days without Maths and an English GCSE, unless you can pull strings to get a job and that isn't as easy for most people. The OP talks about having a small budget and GCSEs are very expensive to sit as an external candidate and it's often hard to find somewhere that will accept externals, unless you can get to the centre in Hampshire.

Speaking as someone whose children were home educated. Things have got a lot harder in recent years to manoeuvre outside the system unfortunately.

in this context, HE will mess up your job and your family budget. and DC will still be socially isolated and won't get much of an education.

so I think HE is a non-starter.

either look for other schools or help him learn to deal with the school he is in. being in the bottom set does not mean being laughed at, and if it does, then school should crack down hard on the bullies who are laughing.

100% this! People are so conditioned to believe it's the only way, it's a failing system that is failing many. Best thing you can do for your child is remove them

@MrsLeonFarrell if you aren't able to get GCSEs then there is an alternative qualification that you can get. And some people will never pass GCSEs. It doesn't make them unemployable.

My daughter was unable to sit her SATS - the school didn't think she was reasonably able to do them. I took her out of school because the vast crowds of people was destroying her mental health. She doesn't lack intelligence - she just can't learn in a classroom and school.

She spends a lot of her time at a riding school because it turns out that she's naturally very good at riding horses. She is able to take an NVQ in Equestrian studies and won't need any GCSEs for this. And then she'd be able to work on a yard which will be an ideal path for her.

It's also important to note that only 15% of autistic people work because it's very very hard to not burn out and become mentally ill. And nobody should be made to feel that they are worthless because of this.

I completely agree with your last sentence, and it's great that your daughter has found a career path that suits her. That is the sort of situation I alluded to in my post.

I was speaking about the OP's situation which is different. Teaching someone with dyslexia can be difficult at home without support and if the OP is already worried about expense it felt only fair to warn her that exams are expensive to take privately.

None of that is to say she shouldn't home educate but I have seen far too many take their children out of school without thinking everything through or doing research to not point out a couple of potential issues

I think a lot of posters don't understand that being socially isolated at home is 1000x better than being socially isolated at school.
I don't know anything about home education but it's something I'd consider to protect my child from being damaged by regular school.

I live in a part of the world where for various reasons there are many secular homeschoolers (child actors, ballet dancers, sick kids, gifted kids, LD kids...). My son, who was a square peg in a round hole in the school system, was homeschooled starting age 12. He thrived and was very happy. He had a mix of online school, group classes, and parent-taught classes using quality materials. We spent much less than we would have on private school. I know there are free classes (MIT for example) and used curriculum for sale cheap, so one can homeschool on a small budget. However, it was critical to son's happiness that he had other kids to hang out with. Lots of them. Also, it has affected my career, and even now that he has graduated I will not easily be able to restart my earning. In your situation I would proceed with caution.

“Why do people act like every child needs to do GCSEs?”

Erm, because it’s the most straightforward pathway to a good job and higher education. Even if you don’t want to use them having them provides opportunity and freedom. Or you can squander the opportunity your children would otherwise have, it’s up to you. 😉

🙌👏👏

Please talk to some other parents who actually home ed, there is a lot of misinformation and assumtion on this thread. Join a couple of home ed groups and start there. Nothing has to be permanent but don't underestimate how important your childs mental health is at this age.
As for your job, is it something that you can change or adjust? Loads of us work and home ed with the help of childcare, friends and family, working from home or different times to partners.
It is not an easy option and it is a complete lifestyle change but I know very few that go back on their decision.

Before going the HE route for my DD, around 13 years ago, we made contact with a couple of local HE groups (yes, there are hundreds of local HE groups to meet other families, socialise, study in small groups etc. for anyone on here thinking wrongly that HE kids are 'isolated' and have no social interaction once they deregister). They invited us along to a couple of meet ups and that was enough to show me that it would be the right thing for her.
GCSEs aren't the be all and end all, many of the HE young people we know applied to college via other methods at the discretion of the FE institution or just went straight into apprenticeships or employment.

Is he on any medication?

I really wouldn't advise it. I think it will drive you crazy.

Sorry, I didn't mean he would drive you crazy! I just mean putting yourself in that position and having no money and no job and just being in a one-to-one situation with your child who doesn't want to do what you want him to do would drive me crazy!

I think you are right to consider it, and I agree with posters who have suggested you speak to people who have home educated to learn more about the options. You may be able to put something together which would suit your son reasonably well. For example, some colleges have 14-16 provision, sometimes alongside vocational courses, which could form part of the picture - and it's free. Some home educating families cannot afford to pay for GCSEs or are not ready for them at 16, and therefore do some GCSEs at college after 16. This is unlikely to suit a highly academic child because college won't offer the range of GCSEs which schools or home ed parents can, but it would be a good option for the essential ones anyway.

It is a tough situation when you may have to give up your job. Is it the sort of job which can be done part-time? If your son cannot be left alone at all, you might use a childminder to keep an eye on him while you are at work; some home educating parents would welcome a job like that which is compatible with looking after their own kids.

He has only just gone to sleep after crying and begging me not to send him tomorrow.
I feel like the worst parent in the world.
I want to help him out of this but equally I am terrified of doing him a disservice by letting him leave education when I’m not a qualified teacher.
We will struggle financially unless I could possibly work part time but this would limit my time available to home school as I also have another child in primary school who will need to be dropped / collected.
Do schools refer to childrens services once a child is deregistered from school?
Ive seen posts on another site saying that the school referred them because the child was deemed missing from education!

Neither of my home educated kids did GCSEs at 16. One of them followed an alternative path to university and is doing very well there. The other would never have managed GCSEs, and instead is learning practical life skills. She may one day do the more accessible and relevant Functional Skills exams, but she isn't ready for those either yet. Because I don't have Ofsted breathing down my neck to increase my setting's pass rate, I can give her what I can see she actually needs.

I apologize if this is unhelpful, but I’m a single mom and I’ve homeschooled for years on no budget. I’m in the US though, so the laws vary I’m sure. I’ve heard it’s much harder elsewhere. We have a government program now that allows a nice sum for curriculum so this year I’ve been able to outsource everything with online teachers and tutors. The platform we use is called Outschool and it’s used globally and can be inexpensive actually. I would check it out for ideas, especially supplemental, social, and tutoring. We really love it. I can’t help with advice on funds or legalities, but I do think you should research local homeschooling groups for advice instead. Facebook groups in your area is a good place to start, and hopefully you can find other mothers who can guide you. Homeschool parents are usually very inclusive because there is a lot of judgment thrown at us, so we tend to support and stick together. YOU know what’s best for YOUR child, you just need some guidance on the details of it all. It will seem daunting at first, but you’ll figure it out in no time. Just put blinders on to the naysayers!

Edited to add: 3 of my kids are teenagers, one is going into computer science (nowadays no university needed), one is going to culinary school next year, and the other has ASD and is pursuing writing and animation, and I’m mentoring her on business to make her art profitable although I might be supporting her as an adult because of the ASD. She’s seeing a mentor weekly on Outschool too. Even though my kids excel academically they don’t need formal education records for their career paths, just drive and motivation to continue. Culinary school needs massive loans though and I’m feeling queasy about that. But overall nowadays non-traditional routes are the way to go.

You are so right about that!

My teenaged daughter has a learning disability and has never been to school. Because she wasn't in that competitive environment where the skills she lacks are the ones which are most prized, she was never ridiculed for being unable to do things. The result is that she's confident and happy.

She is not afraid to learn new things, because she does not associate being a beginner with being taunted or classed as a failure.

Follow ‘Hannah Home Educates’ on TikTok / YouTube. She gives some great tips, advice on home education to ND children. She’s a single parent and works from home so she has an income and talks about how she hasn’t given up work but still home educates her three kids using a number of resources. My kid hasn’t started school but I still find her videos interesting! https://www.tiktok.com/@hannahhomeeducates?_t=8fQ8GKK3Trk&_r=1

I was speaking about the OP's situation which is different. Teaching someone with dyslexia can be difficult at home without support and if the OP is already worried about expense it felt only fair to warn her that exams are expensive to take privately.

Oh 100% - I was not sure if he had other ND as well but I agree that dyslexia is another ball game

Um, well I've got good GCSEs and A levels, all at the expense of my mental health. And I ended up not using them because it was the wrong path for me.

It astounds me how blinkered and narrow minded some folk are.