AIBU to consider homeschooling a 13 year old on a very small budget?

[Imustbecrazy123]

My son is about to enter year 8 and really doesn’t want to go back despite his younger sister starting year 7.
He has ADHD and dyslexia and has struggled his way through primary school, not just academically but also socially he has never ever made a solid group of friends and we hoped so much that this would change come secondary school but it hasn’t - in fact it’s got worse as he’s so aware of being left out / laughed at for being in the bottom sets now.
He isn’t motivated at all so I’m really worried I would struggle to get him to do any work at home and with GCSEs only a few years away this is a real concern
Financially, I’ll be ruined as will need to give up my job but I need to help his self esteem 😢

You may be able to do some work whilst home schooling. It depends in the work.

We were forced to homeschool for a while (no school place available for sen child) and its liberating not being tied to the standard school day which meant I could still do some work.

I think your biggest issue would be socially he would need a solid group activity as that is an area you say he needs support. Would cadets be an option?

I pulled mine out of school for similar reasons, albeit at a younger age.
If a child is stressed and unhappy, they're unlikely to learn.
I'm not a trained teacher but any disadvantage my child suffers from that is more than offset by the advantage of a quiet environment with one to one attention and as many movement breaks as he needs.
I'm currently looking into secondary education for him, but if the LA isn't able to provide anything suitable (after we've exhausted the tribunal process) then I'm more than happy to continue to home ed all the way through. It will be challenging but doable.
There are so many resources available for home ed these days. From free stuff (Oak Academy, BBC Bitesize, Teach your Monster to Read) to relatively cheap subscription apps (Night Zookeeper, IXL, Reading Eggs), right through to expensive online "schools".
A lot of people use Toe to Toe or TTRS for dyslexia.
A well meaning friend of mine recently told me I couldn't home ed at secondary level because I would have to pay £50 per hour for a separate tutor in each subject. I don't know of anyone who does it that way! My own child has lessons on the £2 tuition hub, which is priced as the name suggests!
Having to give up work is a real difficulty and you're right to consider this aspect carefully. I manage by claiming DLA (as PP have helpfully suggested) and shelf stacking on evenings and weekends.
If your DS sits exams, you'll need to pay for him to be entered as a private candidate which is expensive.
I'd recommend joining the Facebook group H.E.F.A (Home Education for Everyone) and having a chat with some of the home educators on there.
Also search in Facebook for (your town) plus Home Education to see what kind of groups and meet ups you can connect with locally.

He needs to concentrate on maths and English only, to stop doors closing for him after GCSE. Don't worry too much about anything else.

Bottom sets often have small classes so can be helpful. Make sure he understands dangers of county lines and vaping as some will see bottom sets as easy prey.

Agree with others that he should get involved in clubs and activities in and out of schools. Social skills will be very useful for him work wise in future. Music can help maths skills if he has any ability musically.

People aren't saying that though are they, they're giving advice and some ideas of avenues to explore to an OP who can't really afford to homeschool- surely they are valuable to at least look into and might be things OP hasn't been aware of. Yes of course mental health is important and if a family can homeschool and it helps then that's bloody brilliant, I don't think many are debating that at all. It is important to think of their future too though, sure the short term is most important if they are severely struggling with their MH, but an adulthood with limited opportunities is also not going to do them any favours. Some schools can flex, DS' friend does just English, maths, science and then has free periods to decompress, even go home if needed and agreed with his parents or have a safe space in school to revise etc; some schools suit children better etc. For someone not sure what to do I'm not sure why its bad to go through these.

Ironically perhaps it's also a privilege to be in a position financially to homeschool.

He's more likely to make genuine friends interested in things he is if he attends local home Ed groups and classes, talks etc. But it does take deep pockets to home Ed well.

@Seashellies
Yes some good options but also lots of posters saying GCSEs and social is too important and how will she teach 9 GCSE subjects.

Many people are left with no choice but to HE because while some LA can make the necessary adjustments and give the needed support many won't. That's not a privilege and many are going it despite the financial hardships and personal preference of the parents because they have no choice.

I hope OP is able to resolve this and it's worth exploring all options

Wanting to protect your child from what is causing them distress is a very natural instinct but HE when you have no teaching background and when you are not financially comfortable is the nuclear option. There are several steps to take before you go down this road.

1. Ring the GP / Adhd professional and have a chat about options, medications, therapy. Music therapy especially drum lessons is great for teens with Adhd.

2. Ring or email the SENCO, you need a face to face meeting. Make a bullet point factual list of what he is struggling with and include any adjustments you can think of to help him. I presume he has a one page profile, this needs reviewing if it is not meeting his needs. If school have done everything they can to no avail then you or they apply for an Ehcp.

3. Look into structured extra curricular groups that can give him a resilience boost, in year 8 he can join cadets and that can be great for children who need structure and boundaries but with physical elements too, they don't have to join the military etc after but it can be a fantastic place for personal development.

4. Support him in developing friendships outside of school. DDs school friendship group really flourished by the end of Yr 8 but they were a bit rubbish at coordinating meet ups to begin with but have organised many park, cinema and trips to the local theme park over the yr8-9 summer which they definitely weren't able to be yr7-8 summer holidays.

5. Support him with learning but in a different way at home. DD has different challenges she is academically able but has ASD and struggles in the school environment, she hates reading fiction with a passion. I found out which books she'd be reading in English next year and she's done some over learning this week going through the books and highlighting all of the words she does not know or are in a different language and then written the meaning in the margin. It gets her brain ready for going back to school, she hasn't actually read the book but is more mentally prepared. That's just an example but there are lots of things you can do, if he is doing Shakespeare this year take him to see the play before hand - far more likely to keep his attention than a film then he will have an idea of the story line when they discuss it in class.

You do not need to be a qualified teacher to be a very successful home educator. You do need to be patient, to be willing to take an entirely different approach, not to be constantly comparing with his peers in school, and to have the motivation to seek put the resources and support which will help him most.

In your circumstances you might consider home education with the possibility of a return to school later, e.g. in year 10 or year 12. But for now, I would do some serious research and think about it realistically.

Home Ed Mum to 13 and 8 year olds both with dyslexia and 1 with ADD and ASD. We are also not one bit well off right now. It's not all sunshine and roses but it is definitely the right decision for the kids.
So the first thing with GCSEs is you don't have to do them at a certain age, you don't have to do 8, 9 or 10. You can Home Educate and do 1 or 2 or none or 20 depending on what your child is ready for. You can sit them at 10 or 100 or any age in between. As he's not motivated you can see if things change when the school trauma is behind him for a while and if not you can work towards other qualifications that better suit his career goals, these also don't have to she decided right now. You don't have to follow the curriculum and you don't have to do any qualifications if you don't want to (obviously that isn't ideal but it is the truth.) You can do IGCSE or alternative qualifications instead.
You do however have to demonstrate you are providing an education suitable to his age and ability, so by tailoring to his ADHD, dyslexia and social anxiety you will be doing this, there's no more bottom set so his confidence will grow and he will be able to see where his strengths lie and his own personal ways of learning that aren't possible in a classroom can kick in. There is no peer pressure from others who can do things "better" and no time pressure to move on to the next topic before he understands that one which also gives that time to breathe and absorb the learning. (You can also tailor what you teach and skip things he absolutely won't need if he's not doing that particular exam or subject).
Costs don't have to be sky high. There are a lot of resources online, groups on Facebook etc for help and yearly subscriptions that while they cost maybe a just over a hundred to £150 in total if you watch for discounts they are worth it. Textbooks and workbooks you can source very reasonably on marketplace or sometimes the Home Ed groups and many free printable resources too. There are also apps and games which are useful ways to engage him with learning and also demonstrate progress. To keep track take plenty of photos and keep a diary either on your phone or written down, it doesn't have to be detailed but will come in handy when you need to write a report for your Local Authority. There are great guides on sites like Education Otherwise or Home Education for All.
Socialising is up to what he is comfortable with, there are plenty of Home Ed groups so look for those in your area, there's often trips to educational places at discounted rates or just picnics and hobby meet ups. If that's too much for him there's often zoom classes (my eldest is doing a language one at £2 per lesson or £10 for 6 week block including materials) and there's also a private WhatsApp and social media group for the students. There's a similar online course for Harry Potter themed and you can pay as much or as little as you can afford and they also have an online community plus optional meet ups.

10 GCSES cost £440 and 4 ALevels cost £420, adding to what goneroundthetwist is saying. Professional tutors cost a lot. If you don’t think you will need them then that’s just setting your child up for failure.

I think this is missing the point. If the child has ADHD and dyslexia, sitting 10 GCSEs may be completely overwhelming and not be in his best interests at all. Trying to fit neurodiverse kids into a system designed for neurotypical kids definitely has consequences on their mental well-being. Providing a curriculum that's appropriate for his developmental stage and SEND needs really be what he requires at this point. (Assuming the Op has the skills and knowledge to deliver that.)

I have a DS with ASD and (as yet I assessed but likely) ADHD and there's no way he will fit into the '10 GCSEs by age 16' box. He's bright but struggling so much with sensory stuff and focus that he will probably need longer to complete his education. Why are we so inflexible about kids academic journeys in this country?

Such a tough spot… I think it’s worth exploring. Can you work from home and/or reduce hours? With an older independent child HE might not be so impactful on your work as you think. You don’t need to teach a full day, one to one learning is much more efficient and you can set more appropriate goals. As others said, it doesn’t need to be forever and a college setting might be a better fit for him later down the line.