To think paramedics are patronising

[dontbeunreasonable]

First of all I think paramedics are absolutely amazing and I have so so much respect for the job they do. I personally know three and think very highly of them all.
However, when I watch 999 shows like 'Ambulance' etc the way they speak to elderly patients makes me cringe.
For example: last night I saw one where they went to home of an almost comatose man and the woman was all 'hello darling hold my hand' all perfectly fine and suitable as kindness is needed. But then she kept saying 'ooh Harold it's been a while since somebody has touched my knee' then kept repeating it to his family members who were coming in and out. Saying again 'ooh, don't disturb us he's touching my knee'!
I find this so disrespectful as the man was unable to speak but conscious and he may not have appreciated that kind of nonsense.
I know when my father was dying of cancer he would have absolutely hated all that carry on.
I keep seeing stuff like that when they talk to the elderly calling them sweetheart and 'oh I bet you still have all the lads after you' etc and I really think it's not on.
Side note: it often seems to be the ones from the north of England where I know the humour is very different to London. But there's a time and place isn't there?

You're right and there was no disrespect meant.
As I said in my original post this wasn't about bashing people. But as others have said and even a paramedic themselves said that it's cringing to hear that way of speaking.

I've had paramedics talk about me as if I'm not in the room when I've been rolling around in pain. I remember a specific occasion where they were talking amongst themselves saying I have BPD as I'm faking my pain.

Another time I was vomiting and rolling around in pain. When one female paramedic was asking things like my address my partner answered for me as I was constantly vomiting. The paramedic was then very condescending and said I needed to answer myself and get over myself.

I've had paramedics come in and start touching and interfering with my furniture and household items. This particular paramedic switched off both my fan and my clothes heater. Then complained it was hot and asked if I could put the fan on (the one he just switched off)

I've had paramedics constantly asking how much I've had to drink and not accepting I'm sober and just ill.

I've had tons of experience with them and yes, I've often found your opinion to be true. However, I've found it no more true than for anyone else in Healthcare. They can all act that way and often do.

Side note: it often seems to be the ones from the north of England where I know the humour is very different to London

I didn't know know this. How do you know this? And what way is it different?

I'm a student nurse, and I've seen a wide range of approaches. It's actually fairly tricky to judge - some people love being addressed in a familiar fashion and some hate it and find it disrespectful. You do just slip into your normal way of interacting with your patients, and humour is a really effective way of getting people to relax and trust you.

When I watch these shows I always think what nice people they are. OTOH, they are definitely patronising, especially to older people.

I do think that this is a bit of a problem with the whole ‘free at the point of service’ NHS. It is remarkable the difference in the way you are treated by the same medical staff when you are using them privately. You get treated as a paying client, rather than someone they are doing a favour to (there are exceptions to this in the NHS, particularly when they realise you have a decent graph of scientific vocabulary).

i do think that training should emphasise that the patients are paying customers, even if they do it collectively through taxes, and should be treated accordingly.

But it is a tough one and I would just grin and bear it if I felt that a paramedic was doing their best to be nice.

I'm still seething from earlier this year when DH called 999 as I had collapsed with a heart problem.

Male paramedic sneered at me and asked how long I had had health anxiety.

Grudgingly took me to hospital. It's a long journey from where I live so he was complaining that it was unnecessary and wouldn't believe my DH that I'd been unconscious on the floor.

Dumped me in a waiting room in a wheelchair whereupon I collapsed again and frightened the other patients who called for help.

At least the ED staff realised I was there for a genuine reason.

I still wish I'd make a complaint about his attitude.

I'd have much preferred the kindly banter we see on tv programmes and being called love or darling to being told I was a hypochondriac.

Some HCPs, but not specifically paramedics really. Probably staff in care homes actually the most. IME

Though you'll find a minority of people, HCPs and the general public, speak to the elderly like they're babies. It is demeaning and not treating them with dignity.

@saraclara they would object to being called sweetheart??? i mean my home towns are split between west midlands and liverpool. Everyone gets called darling, sweetheart, hunny, chuck etc no matter what age or gender it's polite and not condescending.

In hospital, yes.

As an equal, no.

They will happily wander round a market where everyone they know and most of the stallholders will call them love, duck, sweetheart etc.
But apparently it feels very different when you're vulnerable and powerless, and seems less like affection or a verbal habit, than patronisation.
I see how that doesn't sound logical, but having experienced their real distress and frustration, it's clearly real to them.

Like I say, their not related to each other and they're quite different people. So it's not a familial learned thing, and maybe more of a subconscious need to hang on to their sense of self and be respected as competent independent adults.

Or maybe it's simply the tone of voice of the speaker than changes with the two environments? I don't know, but I've learned to empathise with them both.

@saraclara i should imagine you are right about it being the tone. I do understand that older people shouldn't be treated like children but a lot of them love it and act very baby like because they love the attention- having not much attention at home iyswim. My dad absolutely revelled in it and i've had 3 aunts and uncles that passed away in 2020/2021 with dementia (and they say it's not genetic) and covid and you had to talk to them like it because otherwise they would just not cooperate or listen.

Unfortunately there's quite a few people who work in the healthcare sector not because they want to help people but because they enjoy the e

Posted too soon! - Enjoy being the one 'in charge' around people who are in a vulnerable state. This is, I'm 99% certain, why an ex-friend became a nurse. She doesn't have a compassionate bone in her body and gets a real kick out of being around people who she is better off than - in any way shape or form, not just financially. Of course there are also some wonderful people who work in healthcare too

I wouldn't object to that.

Those terms are used for all ages, and aren't related to not speaking in a condescending baby voice to the elderly.

My aunt ((late 60s) had a spell in hospital recently for her hip. She objected (complained to us that is) to one particular nurse who would speak to her and the elderly patients in a baby voice, and would repeat her first name over and over, almost every sentence.

I don't think she liked the informal use of her first name, but I think that's more usual now. More that it was repeated so much. I said i thought that must have been an attempt to establish a rapport and appear friendly.

If you didn't know this, then I'm assuming you must not be from England? The north/south divide of humour and mannerisms is very well known.
Northerners are more brash/vulgar/ open whereas southerners more reserved and probably more tactful, plus maybe a bit more 'cool' in our attitude.
Not saying this is gospel. Loads would disagree with me.
But a general consensus would describe it is as such.
You asked how I know... I am from London, wend to boarding school in York so am familiar with different humour.