To think paramedics are patronising

[dontbeunreasonable]

First of all I think paramedics are absolutely amazing and I have so so much respect for the job they do. I personally know three and think very highly of them all.
However, when I watch 999 shows like 'Ambulance' etc the way they speak to elderly patients makes me cringe.
For example: last night I saw one where they went to home of an almost comatose man and the woman was all 'hello darling hold my hand' all perfectly fine and suitable as kindness is needed. But then she kept saying 'ooh Harold it's been a while since somebody has touched my knee' then kept repeating it to his family members who were coming in and out. Saying again 'ooh, don't disturb us he's touching my knee'!
I find this so disrespectful as the man was unable to speak but conscious and he may not have appreciated that kind of nonsense.
I know when my father was dying of cancer he would have absolutely hated all that carry on.
I keep seeing stuff like that when they talk to the elderly calling them sweetheart and 'oh I bet you still have all the lads after you' etc and I really think it's not on.
Side note: it often seems to be the ones from the north of England where I know the humour is very different to London. But there's a time and place isn't there?

I've had to call an ambulance four times in the last two years once for myself once for my dad and twice for my mum and every time the paramedics were absolutely fantastic. They do an absolutely brilliant job in very difficult circumstances and none of them were like that with us at all.

YABU

Very helpful thanks

Oh my god OP, I’ve thought this for ages but I’ve never actually spoken to anybody about it. I too think paramedics are really nice people. Truly genuine but I’ve always found no matter what situation they use far too much humour. I know it comes from a good place but I dunno…… I guess the situations just aren’t funny. I ended up calling them whilst giving birth unexpectedly at home and I just wished they would all stop joking by the end of it all. It wasn’t overly funny and I was quite traumatised.

The final time my mother was taken into hospital before dying from a short battle with cancer we had an extremely unpleasant experience with the paramedics. She was in a lot of pain and, granted, she was a little confused and asking what was going on. The male paramedic spoke to her without any compassion or patience. He repeatedly said ‘Well what do you want to do love we can’t keep hanging around.’ He moved her into a portable chair and when she cried out in pain kept sighing and said we’ve got to move this is taking too long.She was scared and I will never forget this moment. We were already in shock because of how quickly the cancer had progressed. diagnosed end of October and had died first week of December. I know not all paramedics are like this but some definitely require more training.

calling someone sweetheart north of watford gap is absolutely normal and appreciated. As is duck, hun, love etc

I find it reassuring when I've been in that situation, and I find humour does help me relax and not be so afraid. So I think it's great that they are allowed to do and say those things. No, you shouldn't be doing innuendo around someone who isn't aware of what's happening or able to respond, but it can be light hearted and I think sometimes it can be the right thing to get someone smiling and not worrying.

My mum and my in-law auntie (both 90 and living considerably north of Watford) would beg to disagree. Both have had repeated hospital stays over the last year or two, and both cling desperately to their dignity during those stays. They have both been very unhappy at being called pet names when feeling vulnerable.

I think society generally has quite a patronising attitude to older people

I agree with this. I don’t blame the paramedics but as a society we infantilise the elderly. They’ve lived a whole life and should be treated with respect. I think it’s something cultural to do with not wanting to face up to death and old age.

They do a great job, but nobody is above criticism because of their profession! How does this thread make anyone unpleasant? Silly thing to say

If I was in agony and terrified, I wouldn't care how a paramedic spoke to me, as long as they stopped the pain.

Agreed. In this situation you are using only a tiny bit of your brain to run the "chat" while you're focusing on lots of other factors

(Not a paramedic but done a fair amount of first aid aid including a number of times with my own child who had anaphylaxis but also had anxiety for a a while and the symptoms are easily confused so chatting to him while assessing the situation was important)

Agree with @melj1213 and @lapsedbookworm and also @ItWasAllFields in the post before.

I watch paramedics at work a lot, and DH is a paramedic. Some are really quick to pick up the right tone for the patient, be it respectful or jokey; some are professional but stay detached; some are well meaning but a bit tone deaf; a very very tiny minority (and fewer and fewer as time goes by) are right arseholes.

If you have a bad experience report it to the ambulance trust - it will get through to their managers. Similarly if you have a good experience report it - it will absolutely make their day, they don’t tend to get that much feedback.

I think you have to be able to read people
I've worked as a carer and a dispatcher and both are hard jobs in totally different ways. You learn how different people want to be spoken to as a carer but as a paramedic you're only getting a brief minute to assess everything

People on here would be horrified if they had heard how I spoke to some people on the phone. I've told someone to act like an adult before and get a grip - their child wasn't breathing and I didn't have much time to get them to stop screaming and start CPR. They wrote me a lovely letter thanking me for shouting at them
Sometimes you have to comfort and sometimes be quite forceful and sometimes you have to try every single tool you have to get someone to do what you need them to do

I think it's just plain old ageism. Younger people assume they're superior to older people, who are just decrepit and foolish.

I think using humour is often a good approach, as long as it's not insensitive, so no problem with paramedics being jokey. But I have also watched those programmes like Ambulance, and thought how patronising they often are to older people - talking to them like they're small children. One thing I particularly hate is when they use someone's first name in every sentence. "Come on then Vera, move your legs. How old are you Vera? Thanks Vera." It makes me dread getting old, to be honest - to find yourself being infantilised. I feel like telling the paramedics, you'll be old yourself one day (probably), and find yourself being talked to as if you're three years old (unless things have changed by then).

Calling someone sweetheart or hun is not an issue. I don't have a problem with that at all.
It's not what my original post was about. I have no issue with those terms at all. I think it's kind and lovely.
I wish people would read what I actually said.

I work in elderly care and when you've done it for a while (this will be my 12th year), you get to read people very quickly and speak to them accordingly. I've worked with people who really respond well to calling them sweetheart (for example) and some who really respond to very business like talk. If you haven't done the job you won't get it. Yes some paramedics are better than others but I can only think of maybe 5 who I'd never want back.

I agree somewhat. I don't like it when anyone treats an elderly person like they're stupid and I don't care how many lives you've saved, etiquette and respect still apply to you.

Exactly, sometimes you have someone who is clearly in pain and/or close to the edge of consciousness and you know that the second you stop talking they are just going to drift off which is not what you want ... but you can't start having a deep conversation because you're also assessing the situation - what supplies do I need, what supplies do I have, who is around to help, what do I need them to do, who else needs help, has anyone called 999, does anyone know the information the 999 operator requires so I can hand the phone to them and concentrate on keeping the casualty as comfortable as possible etcetc - as well as trying to keep everyone else calm and keep control of what is happening, all in the span of a couple of minutes.

During all of this you need to keep up a stream of information between you and the casualty - initially you can focus on the facts "Can you tell me your name? Can you tell me what happened? Has anyone called an ambulance yet? Can you tell me where it hurts etc" but then you get to the point where you have dealt with the immediate danger, you have all of the facts but you are still waiting for the ambulance to arrive. In those cases you need to keep the casualty talking and responding but the problem is this is a relative stranger and you have no idea what things they're interested in or what their life experience is etc so it's easy to just make light hearted conversation based on what is happening at the moment.

A couple of weeks ago I was called at work to an elderly gentleman who had fallen outside our store, he was a bloody mess when I arrived and his wife was hysterical ... I managed to talk to the gentleman and found out he was on blood thinners so whilst it looked awful he actually wasn't as badly hurt as it first appeared but still needed an ambulance as he was feeling a bit woozy due to the blood loss and needed to be stitched up in hospital and checked over but we weren't top priority for the ambulance list. Because of where he had fallen and the size of his injury it was too dangerous to try and move him far so I managed to get him sitting up and then we had screens put up to shield us from anyone gawking while we sat and waited for the ambulance.

By this point he was massively embarrassed at the whole situation and kept trying to say he was fine and just needed to go home but by making little light hearted comments I got him chatting, and the comment "You're going to have some impressive looking bruises, I hope you've started practicing your story about how the other guy turned out" etc got him talking about the fact he was a champion boxer when he was in the army back in the day and then lead on to a natural conversation which filled the time until the ambulance arrived, let me keep an eye on how alert he was (whenever he started trailing off I could ask him questions about what he'd just said to keep him going), took his mind off the injury and also calmed his wife as we could include her in the conversation... All of which was achieved from a jokey opening comment.

Loads and loads of people speak to the elderly like they are very small children. It is not a trait reserved to the healthcare professions.

It drives my 85 year old grandmother round the bend.

I have a doctorate and used to work fairly high up in the corporate world before I had to retire due to my disability making it more difficult for me to work.

On occasion, the way I am spoken down to when I am occasionally in a wheelchair or in need of medical assistance is eye-opening. It is assumed I cannot understand simple instructions. I am talked to like I'm a toddler: "You'd - like - a - drink?" Sometimes people just stand to the side with awkward, you-poor-thing smiles.

I used to lead departments of 200 people, FFS. I'm not the suddenly the village idiot because I'm sitting in a chair!

You cannot do right for doing wrong working as an emergency healthcare worker. Every single person you come across will have different values and ideas about what constitutes politeness and warmth... so you'd need an incredibly high level of emotional intelligence and people skills to be getting that right constantly... and even if you had that level of social skill you are also extremely tired working non stop 12 hour shifts sometimes at night.
I mean give them a break. One person's 'patronising' is another person's 'warm and friendly' They are used to being around terrified people and sometimes a bit of humour can be so calming and beneficial in calming people. No they don't always get the tone exactly right. But id personally rather have the attempt than coldness

@Dontbeamenace erm... the OP got my goat? That's why I replied? 🤷🏻‍♀️