To think paramedics are patronising

[dontbeunreasonable]

First of all I think paramedics are absolutely amazing and I have so so much respect for the job they do. I personally know three and think very highly of them all.
However, when I watch 999 shows like 'Ambulance' etc the way they speak to elderly patients makes me cringe.
For example: last night I saw one where they went to home of an almost comatose man and the woman was all 'hello darling hold my hand' all perfectly fine and suitable as kindness is needed. But then she kept saying 'ooh Harold it's been a while since somebody has touched my knee' then kept repeating it to his family members who were coming in and out. Saying again 'ooh, don't disturb us he's touching my knee'!
I find this so disrespectful as the man was unable to speak but conscious and he may not have appreciated that kind of nonsense.
I know when my father was dying of cancer he would have absolutely hated all that carry on.
I keep seeing stuff like that when they talk to the elderly calling them sweetheart and 'oh I bet you still have all the lads after you' etc and I really think it's not on.
Side note: it often seems to be the ones from the north of England where I know the humour is very different to London. But there's a time and place isn't there?

Side note: it often seems to be the ones from the north of England where I know the humour is very different to London

Yeah, London lacks humour 😂People like to be light hearted , especially in stressful times. I's a British thing the same as a cuppa tea cures everything.

I think you should take the word 'paramedics' out of your OP, but I agree with you that older people are often spoken to in an utterly patronising way by just about everyone and it's awful. I can't stand hearing older people called 'My love' or 'My darling' by all and sundry. Why can't people speak to older adults in a normal way? They're not children. I really hope this becomes socially unacceptable before I get old or I'm liable to tell the first person who does it to me to F off!

Yabu. If they are all correct and po faced it will make a potentially scary situation more frightening. They do it to keep people around them relaxed and calm.

That said, it really really mattered to my grandma when the staff at the nursing home she was sent to after horrible neglect at a failing NHS hospital called her Mrs Fitzdotterel instead of by her first name. It was part of an overall package of treating her with respect. But perhaps being infantilised a bit by people with whom you feel you are in safe hands is qualitatively different from being infantilised by someone who is also neglecting and not listening to you. In the latter case it feels more frightening rather than less.

Absolutely agree

Only experience as a parent I’ve had is a very dour humourless pair who took my v poorly son to hospital after an asthma attack. They weren’t very nice at all tbh a&e was crap too, he became much worse as they just left him, I had to keep asking for them to come to see him. However I don’t know what job they’d been to previously but their manner wasn’t great. I felt like they couldn’t be bothered.

However, as a nurse I’ve met many lovely paramedics and techs been on many transfers with them, they’ve taken me back to my base hospital and just been kind and lovely. I couldn’t do their job and I think it’s relentless just now.

Ha! Yes, definitely the carry on matron attitude is what I was referring to!

Oh that sounds awful! My dad would have hated that too and probably told them so!

This is a tricky subject .. as a health professional it's a real skill to be able to read the room at very short notice

Depending on the level of illness/ incapacity/ serious of condition/ etc

There are times when a " you are ok sweetheart " is just what's needed
There's other times when it's " you are ok sir , we'll look after you "
There's other times when ok " come on you old codger " works just fine and brings a smile, a cheeky response and gives you a really good idea on the capacity , pain threshold and general condition of the patient

I'd not be offended if someone didn't get it right first time
Kindness costs nothing and id rather be called sweetheart with a smile than madam from a cold individual , especially if I was feeling scared and unwell.

You can be light hearted and friendly without sounding like a carry on matron character as someone else mentioned.

It may be cultural. Paramedics in the north will probably crack more jokes and be chattier because we are more sociable up north 😉

Absolutely agree. You're right, I should take 'paramedics' out of it as it does seem to be a lot of professionals that speak to the elderly this way. It's embarrassing. My mum is in her 70's and if anyone spoke to her in that condescending manner she would not be pleased.

I’ve found them a mixed bag like any profession.
we called an ambulance shortly after DH had an extended stay in hospital. He was on some medication that made him slow and speak very slowly but had all his faculties. They quickly decided he was a time waster . They were furious I wouldn’t come with them (it was 3am and I had small children asleep in the house and no one to call). They then seem to have told A&E he was a time waster and was ignored for hours and the main doctor was rude to him, it was only due to a junior doctor he was eventually properly assessed and treated for something incredibly serious.

The last lot we had were amazing and pushed DH to go in, if only for a blood test just to be sure. They told me coming was a waste of time as he would probably go to a ward fairly quickly and I wouldn’t be allowed in, so I should stay at home and not panic.

It is not paramedics, it is people in general.

I found it incredibly jarring when my dad became frail very suddenly and strangers changed completely in the way they spoke to him. They were all being very kind and helpful towards him, but also incredibly patronising - it was embarrassing to watch. I did wonder how confusing it must be for my dad as well, who I don't think was aware of just how frail he had become, to suddenly be treated like a child.

Setting the right tone with patients is tricky though and you have to be very skilled socially to get it right every time.

Yes, I noticed this as well whilst watching one of those ambulance shows. What got me was how the 999 dispatchers speak to people on the phone. The constant "alright?" at the end of every sentence as though speaking to a small child gets on my last nerve. It's not soothing, it's patronising and irritating.

Just to reiterate, I am not bashing paramedics! Comments from people saying things like 'well they saved my life so I don't care what they said' etc... I agree!
Of course they do a fabulous job and I am in awe of them.
It was just an observation, and as some others have mentioned there are many professions where people speak to the elderly this way.
I was curious to hear other opinions. No hate or disrespect intended.

If it had been a male para medic touching a female patient’s knee and making lewd comments would it have been classed as merely patronising.

Completely agree, so irritating!

I’m a paramedic and know the exact type of colleague you are referring to and it really irritates me, to the point where I will engineer things so I can step in and take over. It’s usually older, female colleagues who are mothers. The other one that annoys me is when colleagues shout at older patients, assuming they are all deaf. 🙄

For what it’s worth I always ask my patients of any age what they would like me to call them….I.e. Mr Jones, first name etc. and then stick to that. Or I will ask a person who knows them. If there’s no one around and I cannot find out their name I just avoid calling them anything.

I do hold people’s hands though or place a hand on their arm or shoulder. A simple act of physical contact like that can be very calming, especially if you can’t speak. And I do sometimes use silly humour but you need to keep that within an appropriate context / boundary and work out if the patient will appreciate that approach or not. That’s hard sometimes, especially as I’m autistic, so I only do that if it’s quite obvious.

Some carers do use this curious approach and it isn't how we are trained or selected. But we are expected to build a rapport very quickly, I can't pull off this weird inappropriate jokeyness but probably because that wouldn't be natural for me. Some people are patronising, we also do ask people and prompt people a lot - so talk someone all the way through getting dressed which can sound patronising. We know they know what's going on, but keeping a stream of consciousness keeps the client and us on task, when they're paying by the hour they'd usually rather we get through the mundane bits and spend more time on getting cushions just so, finding the charger cable, letting them know choices for meals or double checking med changes. The talking someone through a task as well helps with consent/ touch/ expectation. The obvious is coming but by saying ' could you just lift up your arm so I can get this bra ... rather than standing there saying and your bra, I'm always clear where I'm going to be touching, moving a client with a constant stream of asking there's no surprise for the client, helps with trust.

Never had anything but respect and care from paramedics, they know how to use humour to diffuse a situation and keep everyone calm is the biggest thing about them I’ve found. DC has ASD, extremely avoidant to most textures. Getting medication into him is near impossible. A very bad bought of croup led to him turning blue and badly struggling to breathe yet it still took two paramedics to restrain him enough to get steroids into him. They saved his life, cracked jokes throughout, were calm and explained everything they were doing and even managed to get DC to laugh once his breathing was stabilised. The guy told DC he had the strength of Hulk and he hoped never to meet him down a dark ally…. DC was 4 and over the moon. YABU to generalise anything at all from a TV program. Go out and interact with the real world.

Just by reading your title I knew exactly what your post was going to refer to! I agree it's infantilising. Nothing against the care being provided by paramedics and the like, huge respect to them. It's just this way of talking to older people by some that really irks me.

If someone spoke to my husband like that it would be ridiculous, so what difference does it make in 30 years time when he's elderly?

Similarly, my grandmother is also called Dorothy. Always has been known by her full name as is her preference for the last 90 years. However staff at her care home insist on calling her Dotty, no matter how many times we asked her to be called Dorothy. They are doing it affectionately and she is very well cared for. It's just odd, if she was 40 years younger and someone was calling her a name she didn't like in the work place then it wouldn't be acceptable.

They are great, but I had one come out to me, and she spent more time talking to my husband than me - expressed surprise that he is 10 years younger, told me I look like his mother - and then continued attempting to flirt with him, until he told her to grow up

It was OK, I was only having a heart attack

The response you gave is absolutely perfect in my opinion and I respect you for your work.
I completely agree that kind words and physical touch are important. But as you said, it's done in a respectful way without the demeaning tone and silly comments.

that is disgraceful!

I'm with you OP - I'm kind of amazed this hasn't been beaten out of people with training on professional standards. I think when you're in a situation when you're feeling vulnerable and scared, someone just using your name is an incredibly powerful force to help reassure you- there's no need for the sexual innuendo, the 'sweetheart' or 'pet' or whatever, all of that nonsense. My grandfather suffered a stroke - he was a headmaster for 40 years, with old fashioned values and used to being called 'Mr Brown' by people - he'd expect this of his doctors for sure. The way all the health professionals called him 'love' etc- he would have hated it - totally alien to his sense of self (sadly he was unable to communicate, but if there was anything of him there, it would have had some blood boiling!). You might say 'get over it' but I'd say when you're in your last few months of life, now's not the time to change him, it's the time for people to accommodate some old fashioned curtesies that meant a lot to him.