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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this inappropriate to let another man take you and your new baby out

89 replies

Anonny22 · 03/09/2023 07:49

Hey so my friend told me this the other day and I’m not sure about it. She currently pregnant and is nervous of being stuck in all the time with new baby while her hubby works. I get that especially as she can suffer with low mood at time to time and do get worried that she’ll develop PND. She’s disabled so finds it a challenge to get about unfamiliar places on her own although she can take baby out for walks around her neighbourhood. She has this guy friend who she’s close to. He comes over to her house sometimes and they talk on messenger all the time but not in a sleazy way. He’s doing his driving test soon and wants to take her and baby out on wee outings when her hubby is at work so she’s not stuck in all the time. She confides in him about her struggles she’s had and is worried about having. This guy is single currently but is really good around babies and wants one of his own. I think he’s a nice guy but I’ve heard he has a bit of a past with other women when he was in his teens. He’s coming into his mid twenties now and seems to have grown up. I get this guy has genuine care for my friend. I’ve seen it when I visited a few weeks back but I did notice something else. The way they are with each other I don’t know but they seem to just have that way of being really really close. The jokes, the conversations, the playful slapping of arms and the way he looks at her etc has me a bit weirded out. I don’t think anything is going on as she’s faithful to her hubby and they love each other. Her husband is a lovely caring man. I do think she needs to have boundaries though because when she becomes a new mum and is vulnerable then I could see something going down.

am I being unreasonable or should I be concerned?

OP posts:
Autieangel · 03/09/2023 08:01

It's not your call. It's between her and her husband. If she asks you for advice then you could express your concerns.

GolgafrinchamB · 03/09/2023 08:04

Butt out. It’s none of your business.

Butchyrestingface · 03/09/2023 08:04

Unless you're the sister/mother in law, and this woman is married to your brother/son, I think you should look for something else to think about.

Werewolfnotswearwolf · 03/09/2023 08:07

I certainly wouldn’t be putting my newborn baby in a car with someone who has just learned to drive regardless of anything else!

gamerchick · 03/09/2023 08:09

Sorry OP it's nothing to do with you.

Velvian · 03/09/2023 08:11

OP, are you the male friend? This sounds dodgy.

itsgettingweird · 03/09/2023 08:11

It's not inappropriate for him to take her out.

The only inappropriate thing would be if your friend cheats on her DH with him. Which there's no indication she will despite them being close.

Nothing that happens between them (if it does!) is on him.

He's single. She's married.

If she asks you opinion I'd simply say as long as she is doing it as friends then there is no problem.

Original poster
Anonny22 · 03/09/2023 08:13

I get it’s nothing to do with me and it’s not my life but I’ve never heard of many new mums taking their babies out with other men or am I just prudish? He’s doing his test soon but the baby is due early spring late winter so he’ll be on the road for a while by the time baby is born so unless he’s a reckless driver I’ve no concerns about him driving but I think it’s a little weird that he seems interested in a pregnant woman and she’s not setting many boundaries. What will people think?

OP posts:
andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 03/09/2023 08:14

It's absolutely nothing to do with you.

Lots of women have male friends and socialise with them.

DragonDoor · 03/09/2023 08:15

I think he’s a nice guy but I’ve heard he has a bit of a past with other women when he was in his teens

What on earth does this mean?? Was his behaviour … inappropriate?

GalileoHumpkins · 03/09/2023 08:15

Who gives a shiny shit what people (including you) think. She's allowed to have friends and if her husband is OK with it it's certainly not your place to question it.

Witchcraftandhokum · 03/09/2023 08:16

What will people think?

Who actually gives a fuck?

Coffeaddict · 03/09/2023 08:17

Is your issue simply that he's male. If this was a female friend would you have the same reservations?

I went out with friends ( both male and female) during my maternity leave. I don't see why your concerned. You realise men and women can just be friends.

Also regarding just passed his test, one of my mum friends passed her driving test while pregnant so she had access to the car during maternity leave

sadaboutmycat · 03/09/2023 08:17

Anonny22 · 03/09/2023 08:13

I get it’s nothing to do with me and it’s not my life but I’ve never heard of many new mums taking their babies out with other men or am I just prudish? He’s doing his test soon but the baby is due early spring late winter so he’ll be on the road for a while by the time baby is born so unless he’s a reckless driver I’ve no concerns about him driving but I think it’s a little weird that he seems interested in a pregnant woman and she’s not setting many boundaries. What will people think?

Is it 1953?! What will people think?!

I'd say you're not prudish OP... you are the one who is projecting wild misdeeds onto this woman and her friend.

Good grief.

DelurkingAJ · 03/09/2023 08:17

I met work colleagues with DS1 in tow and on at least one occasion it was assumed my colleague was the dad. And we just howled with laughter. It’s good to socialise when you’ve got a new baby. Helps with mental health and all that. If DH (who was fully in the loop) hadn’t trusted me then, frankly, he wouldn’t be DH. As to the look of the thing, I’m not sure I can believe anyone is that nosy! Unless you live in an insular village (my DC go to school in one…it’s very strange there how much people know and care about things that are none of their business).

Curseofthenation · 03/09/2023 08:18

What's wrong with being interested in your pregnant friend? Should all of my male friends have ditched me as soon as I became pregnant with my first? I'm glad they didn't. They haven't tried to run off with me either.

sadaboutmycat · 03/09/2023 08:18

Are you the MIL OP?

Simonjt · 03/09/2023 08:19

Not only are pregnant women allowed friends, new mums are also allowed to leave the house to see friends.

WarmButteryCrumpets · 03/09/2023 08:19

The way you've described it, it's obviously an affair waiting to happen (in fact if she's confiding in him about issues in her marriage she's already crossed over into emotional affair territory, in my opinion). But unless she asks for your advice, there's not much you can do about it!

GP78 · 03/09/2023 08:20

I'm so glad you're not my friend! What will people think indeed 🤣😆

Coffeaddict · 03/09/2023 08:21

WarmButteryCrumpets · 03/09/2023 08:19

The way you've described it, it's obviously an affair waiting to happen (in fact if she's confiding in him about issues in her marriage she's already crossed over into emotional affair territory, in my opinion). But unless she asks for your advice, there's not much you can do about it!

I talk to friends both male and female about my relationship and issues I may have.

Also a good male friend talked to me quite a but when going through a rough divorce. YABU to assume this equals affair. Sometimes you need to vent at friends

longestlurkerever · 03/09/2023 08:23

I don't think it's at all weird for a mum to go out with a friend without a chaperone. The flirty behaviour night make me raise an eyebrow but not the close friendship itself.

DustyOwl · 03/09/2023 08:26

I have a group of friends, many of which are male. Some of them I message everyday. When my children were small, teenagers now, a few of them would come over on the way home from work, or if they had the day off, to hang out, go for walk, take us out in the car etc.

There was, and never will be, anything else going on between us. My husband is well aware of our friendships and has now problem with it at all. He had lots of female friends, it’s the same the other way around.

So in answer to your question. Nope, it could be totally innocent. Equally it could lead to an affair. Nothing you can do or say (or should do or say) just wait and watch.

As pp has said though, even after a while I would probably wait and see what kind of driver he is. We have one friend who, even after 20 years, we wouldn’t let him drive us on a day out!

gannett · 03/09/2023 08:29

There are so many threads on MN policing who other women can and can't socialise with and judging how "appropriate" certain friends are. Very disturbing.

Last week DP hung out with a friend on maternity leave, cooked for her and went for a walk etc, because he was off work anyway. There was nothing inappropriate about that!

JC89 · 03/09/2023 08:36

Women are allowed to have male friends, even when they are new Mums 🙄.

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