Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this inappropriate to let another man take you and your new baby out

89 replies

Anonny22 · 03/09/2023 07:49

Hey so my friend told me this the other day and I’m not sure about it. She currently pregnant and is nervous of being stuck in all the time with new baby while her hubby works. I get that especially as she can suffer with low mood at time to time and do get worried that she’ll develop PND. She’s disabled so finds it a challenge to get about unfamiliar places on her own although she can take baby out for walks around her neighbourhood. She has this guy friend who she’s close to. He comes over to her house sometimes and they talk on messenger all the time but not in a sleazy way. He’s doing his driving test soon and wants to take her and baby out on wee outings when her hubby is at work so she’s not stuck in all the time. She confides in him about her struggles she’s had and is worried about having. This guy is single currently but is really good around babies and wants one of his own. I think he’s a nice guy but I’ve heard he has a bit of a past with other women when he was in his teens. He’s coming into his mid twenties now and seems to have grown up. I get this guy has genuine care for my friend. I’ve seen it when I visited a few weeks back but I did notice something else. The way they are with each other I don’t know but they seem to just have that way of being really really close. The jokes, the conversations, the playful slapping of arms and the way he looks at her etc has me a bit weirded out. I don’t think anything is going on as she’s faithful to her hubby and they love each other. Her husband is a lovely caring man. I do think she needs to have boundaries though because when she becomes a new mum and is vulnerable then I could see something going down.

am I being unreasonable or should I be concerned?

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonny22 · 03/09/2023 08:40

I’m not saying that she shouldn’t have friends but to just be aware of boundaries. I do worry about her as she can be vulnerable. She’s had a few really bad life events happen to her in the past two years (and throughout her life before meeting her husband and she gets scared that her life she has now is too good to be true. She broke down a while back and told me that along with other things during one of her downers. I’m sure her guy friend is a nice guy but I just worry sometimes. He did have a history of sleeping around a bit and leaving girls in the lurch but has matured. The one thing that unsettled me and made me concerned as well as what I’ve said is that he admitted to her that he likes her that way

OP posts:
Lehenaghmore · 03/09/2023 08:41

This place is turning into Saudi Arabia, I swear.

OP, maternity leave is for some of us so isolating and miserable that anything that alleviates it is a good thing. Friends are crucial.

gannett · 03/09/2023 08:43

Anonny22 · 03/09/2023 08:40

I’m not saying that she shouldn’t have friends but to just be aware of boundaries. I do worry about her as she can be vulnerable. She’s had a few really bad life events happen to her in the past two years (and throughout her life before meeting her husband and she gets scared that her life she has now is too good to be true. She broke down a while back and told me that along with other things during one of her downers. I’m sure her guy friend is a nice guy but I just worry sometimes. He did have a history of sleeping around a bit and leaving girls in the lurch but has matured. The one thing that unsettled me and made me concerned as well as what I’ve said is that he admitted to her that he likes her that way

You should be more aware of boundaries. In this case, you should not overstep boundaries by trying to police who this poor woman can or can't be friends with.

Beak out!

Original poster
Anonny22 · 03/09/2023 08:43

And that he wishes that something more happened between them when he got the chance before she got with her husband. I do think as long as she sets boundaries with him then there’s not much of a concern but she’s not good at setting them especially when shit goes down in her life

OP posts:
Hufflepods · 03/09/2023 08:45

You do realise it’s possible for women to have male friends? Even when they are mothers?

C3P1 · 03/09/2023 08:45

Strongly disagree he would be blameless, regardless of if he is single. If something happens he is well aware she is married.

Moveoverdarlin · 03/09/2023 08:48

It’s 2023. New Mums are allowed to get in cars with male friends. And young males are allowed to sleep around, without being thought of as a sex pest. I just can’t see the problem here. I can understand perhaps if her great granny thought it was inappropriate. Like someone else said the biggest concern is a new driver taking out a young child.

ElFupacabra · 03/09/2023 08:49

Any more drip feeds?

fettuccini · 03/09/2023 08:49

Jesus Christ butt out! ALL of this is absolutely nothing to do with you. Get a hobby, you're spending far too much time analysing/discussing this friendship. You are the one being weird. And your friend doesn't give a fuck what 'people think', nor should she! Do you vet and approve/deny all of her friendships?

Zodfa · 03/09/2023 08:50

I'm not sure most men have much sexual interest in women with tiny babies?

UndercoverCop · 03/09/2023 08:53

When I was on mat leave I used to go out with my oldest friend, who is male, with DS. He has a job where he is off sometimes during the week, lives close by and already had two DC by the time I had mine. His sex is irrelevant.

In this situation he has told her he has romantic feelings for her, so she needs to make sure her boundaries are clear and also that's she not taking advantage of him because she's lonely

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/09/2023 08:56

but I think it’s a little weird that he seems interested in a pregnant woman

If they were this close before she was pregnant, then her pregnancy has fuck all to do with this set up.

elizzza · 03/09/2023 08:59

I think it’s a little weird that he seems interested in a pregnant woman

It sounds like they’re friends? My friends (male and female) didn’t suddenly lose interest in me because I got pregnant. My DH had lunch with his friend and her 8 month old last week - who should I report him to??

CassiniG · 03/09/2023 09:01

You are overly invested and interested in her life to the point of obsession.

LadyKenya · 03/09/2023 09:03

Any more drips to come?💧

Original poster
Anonny22 · 03/09/2023 09:04

They’ve known each other for about 5 years. They started getting close last year. They used to party together with other friends

OP posts:
user1483387154 · 03/09/2023 09:06

Mind your own business, do better.

Original poster
Anonny22 · 03/09/2023 09:06

I’m not saying she isn’t allowed friends of both genders. I think she’ll need friends more than ever when this baby arrives especially when she gets her low moods but she just need’s boundaries. I know I sound like a busy body but my friend is vulnerable so I just worry about her

OP posts:
Ascendant15 · 03/09/2023 09:16

I think it’s a little weird that he seems interested in a pregnant woman and she’s not setting many boundaries.

I think it's a lot weird that (a) you are so invested in your friends "moral behaviour" and (b) that you think men and (pregnant) women can't be friends. The only thing that I think is weird here is the number of women saying that it's ok if her husband is ok about it - I think that spouses / partners do not get to dictate who someone is friends with and what they do on days out with friends. You either trust your partner or you do not. If you do not your relationship is over already. If you do then you don't get to dictate their life or choices.

Whataretheodds · 03/09/2023 09:17

He is her friend. Sounds as though they have an established friendship. He happens to be male.

He's not 'other men', he's a friend.

He has told her he fancies her. So long as she manages that boundary there isn't anything wrong. Of course she needs to be careful she doesn't stray into an emotional affair. Has she actually asked for your advice or help in this regard?

CassiniG · 03/09/2023 09:38

Your own life is that way >>>>

I think it's condescending and over bearing that you describe her as being vulnerable. She seems quite capable and is out and about doing things whilst you sit brooding about her every move.

GolgafrinchamB · 03/09/2023 09:41

You’re coming across as judgemental and patronising about a woman you claim to like. I hope this bloke is a kinder friend than you’re being.

Of course if you’re actually her MIL and not her mate at all, this would make more sense.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/09/2023 09:43

Anonny22 · 03/09/2023 09:06

I’m not saying she isn’t allowed friends of both genders. I think she’ll need friends more than ever when this baby arrives especially when she gets her low moods but she just need’s boundaries. I know I sound like a busy body but my friend is vulnerable so I just worry about her

How many days will you be taking her and baby out and about?

WandaWonder · 03/09/2023 09:46

Not your business

Inmydreams88 · 03/09/2023 09:48

She's known him for 5 years and they are good friends, so what if he takes her out and about while she's on maternity leave? Not sure what your main issue is to be honest, would you think the same if it was a female friend?