Just had an argument with a friend and feeling very uneasy.
DS has just started primary school, seems to be settling in well. Met up with a group of university friends earlier who I haven’t seen in a while, and one friend in particular who I’ve always got on well with had made lots of snide comments about private schools, tories etc which I tried to let slide, but after multiple jabs I asked if she had a problem.
In return I got a speech about not being leftist, shouldn’t buy education, I think my kids are better than her kids (certainly not the case). I explained that my boy was late in all his milestones, and I waited until he was 5 to send him to school, not 4 like her boy, as I felt he wasn’t ready.
We are very fortunate and can afford the school, and seeing as the other schools in the area were at capacity, my partner and I felt the smaller class sizes would be better for him, and if there are any issues then hopefully will be picked up quicker. If the local school had classes then he’d have gone there. There is also a local catholic school but I didn’t want him going there - nothing personal just we are not religious at all. I did say to her these reasons, however I did say that I don’t need to justify it, it’s my money and I can send him wherever I want.
Friend went on a big rant as I said calling me a Tory, that I’ve changed (always been left leaning) and he’s not going to be street smart at all (it’s not the poshest of private schools and we live in the city). And that he will be bullied by the local kids.
She knows I attended private school for my last two years (on a scholarship, I grew up VERY working class). My partner grew up quite well off but we both have good jobs and work hard. Neither of us drink much and we’ve only been abroad a few times - we are not frivolous with money at all and private school is something we spent a lot of time discussing.
I’ve never once mentioned that he was going to private school before this meet up, it was only mentioned when someone else commented on the uniform being smart that it came up - I live in a different city to the other friends so they wouldn’t automatically know. And I’m the last of our kids to start school, so they were asking how he was getting on - I wouldn’t have brought it up otherwise as I’m aware how touchy a subject private school is.
I did say to friend that private schools are such a mixed bag, it’s not all snooty folk and some of the mums I’ve chatted to at the school gate all seem perfectly fine - I know two of them from the same nursery DS was at which is nice. I made it clear I didn’t want to discuss this further as I felt I was being attacked, and she ignored me the rest of the afternoon.
It was uncomfortable with none of the other friends saying anything, but I have had a few texts tonight saying they thought she was out of order for picking on me. Im annoyed though as nobody said anything at the time.
however, I’m now questioning a lot about us, class, can I call myself working class if I went to private school and so did my child? Does that make me a Tory even though I’ve always been Labour or Green? Are we bad people? My partner has told me to shush and we pay our taxes and give to charity, that we are good people and we can spend our money where we want. I don’t know whether I’ve let friend into my head too much but I had a cry when I came home as I felt like I was made out to be a terrible person!! Though maybe that was the few wines and I’ll be fine when it’s all out my system.
I know private school is a touchy topic but am I being unreasonable for sending him? Or am I being unreasonable for getting upset about this? Really confused about how I feel