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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Adult birthdays - shitty presents

137 replies

HadlowLandscapes · 02/09/2023 08:13

Ah, the tangled web of obligatory gift-giving! A social dance many of us have stumbled into at some point. I've found myself in a bit of a conundrum here. It all started innocently enough, friends initiating the ritual of gift exchange during birthdays and Christmases. Now, don't get me wrong, I understand that it's the thought that counts and all that. But let's be real; often, it is the lack of thought that can turn what's meant to be a joyous occasion to one that has you questioning the very meaning of life (okay, massive exaggeration).

Please don't judge me too harshly; I know the golden rule of gracious gift-receiving is to smile and say thank you, no matter what. But truth be told, there have been instances where I've received presents that make me wonder how one can present such... well, 'unique' offerings without a hint of embarrassment, and I myself have felt embarrassed at not being able to muster the necessary excitement to thank them graciously.

You see, these aren't your garden-variety bad gifts; we're talking about items that even the school Christmas raffle might scoff at – things like hand wash from Bailys & Harding that you'd expect to find in a budget motel. Not to mention those nondescript mugs that look like they moonlighted as prizes at the church fair.

Recently, I decided to break the cycle of underwhelming gifts and put some real thought into a friend's birthday present. I invested a whole £25 in a meaningful, brand-new, and sealed gift related to her profession. Yet, when my birthday rolled around, I was handed not one but two bottles of hand wash, each valued at a princely £3 from Boots, in a dirty many times used gift bag.

I know, I know, one shouldn't give to receive, but sometimes, one can't help but wonder, do people not feel a twinge of embarrassment handing out such lackluster offerings? These gifts often fall into a category best suited for the school Christmas raffle or the hidden corners of a cupboard.

One friend went the extra mile, presenting me with a tiny straw handbag that appeared to have lived a life already – no wrapping, no tags, a dirty bottom, and about as appealing as wearing a traffic cone as a hat, and as far from my style as you can get. Then there was the set of generic body washes, likely sourced from TK Maxx's bargain bin, and a nondescript scented candle – again, probably a TK Maxx find.

Now, before you assume I'm a gift-snob, let me clarify. The cost of living has hit me just as hard as anyone else, and I'm not asking for extravagance. But could we not collectively ease the pressure and expectation around gifting? I'd gladly swap the annual gift exchange cringe game for more meaningful connections.

I mean, honestly, I'd truly prefer an absence of presents to a plethora of pointless ones. Just think of all the clutter I now have to store until the school Christmas raffle comes around – it's like a never-ending cycle of unwanted hand wash!

OP posts:
Fannyfiggs · 02/09/2023 21:08

Hibiscrubbed · 02/09/2023 20:18

You’re really unpleasant. 😂

You needed to go ‘onstage’. Are you a bingo caller?

A bingo caller. Love it 🤣

Brefugee · 02/09/2023 21:09

HadlowLandscapes · 02/09/2023 08:41

I notice some people have voted YABU and I'd genuinely love to have their input.
The thing is, although I have written in a slightly humorous tone, the honest truth is that I feel down and extremely hurt by it.

tbh I've been dithering about reporting it for being rubbish AI.

Lizzieee2727 · 02/09/2023 21:16

YANBU

We're having this debate again with SIL. Apparently we're all scrooges because we don't want to do presents for the adults. She has 3 children (though one is now 18) and we give a lot of thought in buying something they genuinely want and would use. We in return get something random in the Boots 3 for 2 -highlights including an empty biscuit tin, curry sauces that all had onion in (I'm allergic) and 3 cake display things (in fact I got one 3 years running).

I'd be happy to do a secret santa thing and spend a bit more but nope.

PosterBoy · 02/09/2023 21:29

Brefugee · 02/09/2023 21:09

tbh I've been dithering about reporting it for being rubbish AI.

It's so shit and formulaic.

I did run it through an AI checker and it says not, but it's quite a skill to write in the style of early AI attempts at 'mum forum speak'. Op deserves some kind of weird praise for that.

honeybomb · 03/09/2023 00:43

YNBU.
I totally feel your pain, I always like to give good birthday/ Xmas presents to people.

Last year I brought expensive perfume gift sets, Lush bath bombs, and stuff catered to what the recipient wanted which cost me quite abit of money.

I got back a £3 Nivea wash set, £5 Trinket box from The Range, a mug, a used make up palette etc. All stuff under £5.

I won’t be bothering this year as I never get a thank you. Will just be buying presents for the cats lol.

ShellySarah · 03/09/2023 10:14

Jibo · 02/09/2023 20:24

Not having kids is not the same as having no family. What a weird and awful thing to say.

I have a mother who's about to die of cancer and a sister whom I'm estranged from as she's so awful- that's why her own husband divorced her.

I've pretty much got no family.

God there's always one on a thread like you who takes issue over nothing. Answer the original question the op asked instead of taking issue with my family history

Tryingtobehappytomorrow123 · 03/09/2023 16:57

I feel your pain! I buy for three friends. One is so thoughtful - it’s not the £ that she spends but you can tell she’s really put some time into the gift. Two other friends I have been trying to stop present buying for about six years and I always seem to be manipulated into still buying but no more. This year, I bought one of them a handbag from Zara which I saw her use. She got me what I can only say was a horrific bag, no tags on, you could see in the light lots of mark and scrapes on it, honest it wasn’t fit for the bin, I was quite offended to be honest. The other friend, who was the one who wanted to agree a £ value for presents, we said £30. As it was a special birthday I bought her some lovely earrings, cost nearly £40 - again saw her wear them a few times so she liked them. She got me a spa voucher. Had to laugh, as (presumably) by accident she left the receipt on the back and it had cost her £15. It’s not the £ but I do feel some people take the mickey a bit. I’ve now said to both, and this bit is true, that I have to cut back a bit, so let’s just do a joint lunch instead for birthdays.

BluebellsForest · 03/09/2023 20:07

I'm sorry you had such a horrible response, @ShellySarah Flowers

ShellySarah · 03/09/2023 20:45

BluebellsForest · 03/09/2023 20:07

I'm sorry you had such a horrible response, @ShellySarah Flowers

Thank you 💐

Newestname002 · 03/09/2023 22:02

@ShellySarah

Every birthday and Christmas I have to give each family member a present and then when it's me I get one present from the whole family and it's usually some shite.

I hope you're going to change this from now. Maybe email or WhatsApp them you'll only do token presents or, for Christmas, a secret Santa at an agreed manageable cost so you're only buying one present (eg £30 or less?). 🌹

ShellySarah · 03/09/2023 22:10

Newestname002 · 03/09/2023 22:02

@ShellySarah

Every birthday and Christmas I have to give each family member a present and then when it's me I get one present from the whole family and it's usually some shite.

I hope you're going to change this from now. Maybe email or WhatsApp them you'll only do token presents or, for Christmas, a secret Santa at an agreed manageable cost so you're only buying one present (eg £30 or less?). 🌹

I think that's a good idea.

BeachHutCornwall · 04/09/2023 14:36

phoenixrosehere · 02/09/2023 16:03

If it was really that simple, many givers would actually listen and stop doing so but many unfortunately don’t, because they get a satisfaction out of not only buying a gift but saying they have to others regardless of receivers telling them please not to and then the givers get the huff when they find out it was re-gifted.

Then, simply, do not be friends with people who do not respect your wishes.

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