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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shouted at on the bus

128 replies

Pinklady1982830 · 01/09/2023 12:48

So bit upset this morning just looking to see what others think of this.
So this morning I had to go shopping with my 2 dc boy age 2 and girl age 6. Boy was in the pushchair.
After we finished shopping I decided we would get the bus home as my shopping was heavy so just easier to get bus home. Anyway we got on the bus and there was already a big buggy on the other side which was fine so I parked my buggy on the opposite side and my dd sat on the seat next to the buggy While I sat down in the disabled elderly seat also next to the buggy. Well a few stops on a lady also gets on with this very big pushchair there is no way she was going to fit in the opposite bay so she squeezed in right in the alise next to me. Not even giving me a chance to move my pushchair so she could try squeeze in next to me. Anyway the driver takes off while she is stood in the aslie with her buggy which surprises me as I always thought you were not allowed to do that, when this old lady shouts you can't put the bugy there! It's in the way! Obviously she gets ignored so shuts up
Then while while she is getting up to leave she turned to me and said
"Your disgusting you should of moved your pushchair so she could get into the spot and moved your daughter off that bloody seat so that woman could sit down!"
Bear in mind I had tried to move my buggy but literally could not move it due to the space. I was so shocked

She then said I should be ashamed of myself! So I lost it by then and replied "how about you mind your own business!" But she was still ranting at me as she got off the bus!
Not going to lie I did actually feel.like bursting into tears as I have lot going on at the moment and that just set me right over the edge. So I'm just Asking was I in the wrong here? Thanks if you made it this far

OP posts:
LT1982 · 03/09/2023 08:52

redrighthand83 · 01/09/2023 12:59

That was her being a miserable and spiteful cow. Ignore. Feel bad for her. Imagine what a shit life lacking in love you must have to want to shout at strangers about pram logistics!

Pram logistics that don't affect you in an way 🙄

Loopylooni · 03/09/2023 08:52

isn't it only 2 buggies allowed? He shouldn't have moved the bus

Fuckthatguy · 03/09/2023 08:55

She was looking for an emotional dumping ground OP.

She is the disgrace not you as is public transport in the UK. In fact I’ll go as far as to say much of the UK these days is a disgrace.

Avoid both at all costs if possible.

SoShallINever · 03/09/2023 08:59

Look we all have to co exist together so let's try and make it as pleasant as possible for each other. You could have sat your child on your lap and I think you were rude not to, however she behaved terribly.
Her age has got fuck all to do with anything.
Swap "old lady" for "black lady" or "lesbian" and see how that sounds.

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 03/09/2023 09:01

YANBU. This is why I refuse to use public transport, weirdos everywhere.

Kwasi · 03/09/2023 09:17

ilovesooty · 03/09/2023 08:35

She was rude, aggressive and unreasonable. Her age makes no difference to that.

Show quote history

That’s true. She is known as the village busy-body. She usually only approaches men with her complaints, as the men around here are less likely to bite at an old lady.

Flufferz · 03/09/2023 09:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ilovesooty · 03/09/2023 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Another ageist post.

BIWI · 03/09/2023 09:28

NTA? This is Mumsnet, not reddit.

And stop with the ageism @Flufferz

Katiemag · 03/09/2023 09:32

Your behaviour was not disgusting and you didn’t deserve to be spoken to like that. When you’re in a situation like that, I find it hard to think through the logistics on the spot. I agree with people that your daughter could have moved once the lady boarded but you didnt have much time to think -especially with the driver moving off.

I remember one time travelling on an airport shuttle bus with a heavily pregnant co-worker where all seats were taken. I remember feeling cross and surprised that a lot of parents and children didn’t move children occupying a seat to let my colleague sit. But then I just asked one politely and they did. Thinking about it afterwards, they probably weren’t aware or hadn’t had time to process what to do.

You only should have felt ashamed of yourself if you had pushed an elderly person out of a seat and sat your daughter down in her place. This just sounds like a stressful situation with more buggies onboard than optimal space. You did nothing wrong and the ranting and raving and personal insults were uncalled for.

DameCurlyBassey · 03/09/2023 09:33

AcesBaseballbat · 01/09/2023 14:47

Some people are just crazy. I've noticed since longdown that there's been a huge rise of obviously quite mentally ill people just kind of walking around screaming at others.

I was in the supermarket the other day, picked up a tin of baked beans (tons of tins on the shelf), and some random woman started screaming at me that they were her baked beans, she was planning to buy them, then carried on screaming incoherently the entire time she was in the shop even though I quickly realised she was unwell and walked to a different aisle.

Some people are just unhinged.

Yes, I have noticed this is the case since lockdown.

I think some of them are also here on MN. They will pick on someone and twist their words to encourage a pile/on or just be straight up nasty.

Aprilx · 03/09/2023 09:33

Well disgusting was the wrong word, but inconsiderate would be about right. You could have put your pushchair down, you were taking up too much room on the bus for the three of you and sounds like you and the other mothers were making it very difficult for everybody else.

user1477391263 · 03/09/2023 09:38

Aprilx · 03/09/2023 09:33

Well disgusting was the wrong word, but inconsiderate would be about right. You could have put your pushchair down, you were taking up too much room on the bus for the three of you and sounds like you and the other mothers were making it very difficult for everybody else.

What does "put your pushchair down" mean? If you mean fold - well, the OP would have to unload the child and a load of shopping, and a load of shopping bags and a standing child and a folded pram will use about as much space as an unfolded pram with everything loaded onto it.

Pram users exist - if you are not driving, it's hard to get shopping AND a small child home without one.

Rocknrollstar · 03/09/2023 09:49

InLondon only two pushchairs are allowed at any time and if a wheelchair user wants to get on I believe the mother’s with pushchairs have to get off!

Seagullchippy · 03/09/2023 09:55

Aprilx · 03/09/2023 09:33

Well disgusting was the wrong word, but inconsiderate would be about right. You could have put your pushchair down, you were taking up too much room on the bus for the three of you and sounds like you and the other mothers were making it very difficult for everybody else.

Her toddler was in the pushchair in the space designed specifically for pushchairs with toddlers in them. How is that inconsiderate?
And you do know it's incredibly dangerous to place a toddler on the floor or seat of a moving bus while you grapple with shopping bags and pushchairs?!

Echobelly · 03/09/2023 10:01

I used to get really upset by things like this and replay them in my head, but remember you'll probably never see that woman again, if you do you wouldn't recognise each other. She was being nasty but her opinion doesn't matter and you won't see her again, so you can move on.

Seagullchippy · 03/09/2023 10:02

IndigoLaFaye · 03/09/2023 08:07

In my opinion everybody sucks here

The driver shouldn’t have let a third buggy on.

You have admitted you should have moved your other child and I don’t see why you didn’t have time to move as the other buggy was getting on and paying. Sitting in a priority seat is questionable - although I’m sure most people won’t agree.

The elderly lady should not have spoken to you in that manner at all and you didn’t say anything wrong to her.

You have to sit in the seat next to the pushchair in order to look after the child in the pushchair and in order to hold onto the pushchair when the bus serves and brakes suddenly, as the pushchairs can topple or go flying. The priority seats are for that purpose, as well as for others who need the seat.

ScribblingPixie · 03/09/2023 10:07

We all have to use the public spaces, and if you're aware of others and do your best to accommodate rather than inconvenience no one should get angry with you. From your post it's clear you're trying to work out if there's anything you can do better - you're a really decent person, OP.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 03/09/2023 10:13

Anonymouslyposting · 01/09/2023 14:36

On a bus last week I got called a cunt and a “Jewish whore” for letting an elderly man rather than the man shouting at me sit down. He then threatened to “spit on [my] children” if I continued to ask him to stop. As I was with my two year old and six month old I stopped. Some people are just dicks and don’t know how to express their discontent without being abusive. Nothing to be done about it, try not to think any more about it.

Wow that’s disgusting! What did you day?

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 03/09/2023 10:14

Say even

ChillysWaterBottle · 03/09/2023 10:17

MadamPia · 03/09/2023 08:16

Why do people feel as if they are allowed to talk down at women with buggies. Honestly experiences like this was the reason I forced myself to drive and get a car. I had a situation where my baby was fast asleep in the buggy. A wheelchair user came on and I knew they were priority so I was juggling paying my fee, taking the baby out of the buggy, folding the buggy and finding a seat whilst I was waiting for the person I was with to finishing tapping their Oyster card for assistance.

It was also around 8/9pm as we were back from an evening panto. A random older lady starts shouting at me telling me I need to move and I shouldn’t be there blah blah blah.

Awful! If people aren’t going to help you when they can see that you are trying your best to juggle your children and manage an unexpected bus manoeuvre they should keep quiet.

I’ve had enough of the entitlement people feel that they have when it comes to judging a parent publically.

Ranting to let you know that I’ve been there too many times OP x Hope you are able to shrug these things off if it ever happens again

Being assholes to young mums on buses with prams and small children is like a pastime on here and seen as an easy target for cowardly bullies in general. I think those people are absolute useless evil morally bankrupt twats and I give them no mind or patience in real life, but I hate to see mums getting upset about them. It's so awful to see. Really nasty pieces of work and often thick as pig shit too - the way they endlessly blather on about folding down prams despite the multitude of times it's explained to them how this is not feasible or safe in most cases. Urgh no wonder you learned to drive. Frankly I think if bus companies cannot ensure their buses are accessible and safe for mums with prams then their travel should be free like in a lot of countries.

jallopeno · 03/09/2023 10:18

Next time just burst into tears if you want. It's about time people like this see the impact they are having

CaptainMyCaptain · 03/09/2023 10:20

Yup 💥

CaptainMyCaptain · 03/09/2023 10:21

I meant to quote @ilovesooty there.

icallitasplodge · 03/09/2023 10:21

Buses are full of the worst types of people.

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