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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shouted at on the bus

128 replies

Pinklady1982830 · 01/09/2023 12:48

So bit upset this morning just looking to see what others think of this.
So this morning I had to go shopping with my 2 dc boy age 2 and girl age 6. Boy was in the pushchair.
After we finished shopping I decided we would get the bus home as my shopping was heavy so just easier to get bus home. Anyway we got on the bus and there was already a big buggy on the other side which was fine so I parked my buggy on the opposite side and my dd sat on the seat next to the buggy While I sat down in the disabled elderly seat also next to the buggy. Well a few stops on a lady also gets on with this very big pushchair there is no way she was going to fit in the opposite bay so she squeezed in right in the alise next to me. Not even giving me a chance to move my pushchair so she could try squeeze in next to me. Anyway the driver takes off while she is stood in the aslie with her buggy which surprises me as I always thought you were not allowed to do that, when this old lady shouts you can't put the bugy there! It's in the way! Obviously she gets ignored so shuts up
Then while while she is getting up to leave she turned to me and said
"Your disgusting you should of moved your pushchair so she could get into the spot and moved your daughter off that bloody seat so that woman could sit down!"
Bear in mind I had tried to move my buggy but literally could not move it due to the space. I was so shocked

She then said I should be ashamed of myself! So I lost it by then and replied "how about you mind your own business!" But she was still ranting at me as she got off the bus!
Not going to lie I did actually feel.like bursting into tears as I have lot going on at the moment and that just set me right over the edge. So I'm just Asking was I in the wrong here? Thanks if you made it this far

OP posts:
TheThinkingGoblin · 01/09/2023 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

5128gap · 01/09/2023 13:59

Yup @TheThinkingGoblin you just keep putting that sort of thing out there. The years will fly by, and when you're an older person yourself the attitudes your perpetuating now will be right there waiting for you.

TheLongGloriesOfTheWinterMoon · 01/09/2023 14:00

@TheThinkingGoblin

Are you the same ThinkingGoblin whose unpleasant and offensive ageist language keeps getting deleted across MN?

JanesBlond · 01/09/2023 14:02

Why did you tell her to mind her own business instead of just explaining there wasn’t space to move it? She was rude but so were you.

CaptainMyCaptain · 01/09/2023 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wtf!

BIWI · 01/09/2023 14:10

Not much thinking going on with that goblin, clearly.

Original poster
Pinklady1982830 · 01/09/2023 14:11

Yes I was rude but to be called disgusting and having her raise her voice at me in front of my children and a bus full of strangers i said the first thing that came in to my head

OP posts:
FOJN · 01/09/2023 14:25

I think it was unreasonable for the woman to verbally abuse you but I'm struggling to understand why you couldn't have moved in preparation for the woman with the buggy. She would have had to manoeuvre it onto the bus and then buy a ticket which would have given you time whilst there was still space to move things around.

Anonymouslyposting · 01/09/2023 14:36

On a bus last week I got called a cunt and a “Jewish whore” for letting an elderly man rather than the man shouting at me sit down. He then threatened to “spit on [my] children” if I continued to ask him to stop. As I was with my two year old and six month old I stopped. Some people are just dicks and don’t know how to express their discontent without being abusive. Nothing to be done about it, try not to think any more about it.

AcesBaseballbat · 01/09/2023 14:47

Some people are just crazy. I've noticed since longdown that there's been a huge rise of obviously quite mentally ill people just kind of walking around screaming at others.

I was in the supermarket the other day, picked up a tin of baked beans (tons of tins on the shelf), and some random woman started screaming at me that they were her baked beans, she was planning to buy them, then carried on screaming incoherently the entire time she was in the shop even though I quickly realised she was unwell and walked to a different aisle.

Some people are just unhinged.

tuvamoodyson · 01/09/2023 14:52

FOJN · 01/09/2023 14:25

I think it was unreasonable for the woman to verbally abuse you but I'm struggling to understand why you couldn't have moved in preparation for the woman with the buggy. She would have had to manoeuvre it onto the bus and then buy a ticket which would have given you time whilst there was still space to move things around.

That’s what I thought, I’d have got sorted when I saw her getting on/paying her fare. Maybe you had to be there🤷‍♀️

BananaSlug · 01/09/2023 15:01

It’s a good idea in future to keep an eye out on who is getting on if you have a pram it’s just good manners to watch out and be mindful of another one coming on, the least you could have done was explain to the woman standing with hers that you will move yours over at the next bus stop? Seems like you ignored her which probably came across as rude.

Embarrassednamechangeadoddle · 01/09/2023 15:18

You know what, I think more adults need to learn how to be assertive and direct instead of acting like children. That elderly woman could have suggested her option at the time and I am sure you would have moved. Instead she acted like a tantruming child.

Yea maybe you could have made space but it sounded like you didn’t have much time or space to think about it. Someone else acting like child didn’t actually
make the situation any better.

Allschoolsareartschools · 01/09/2023 15:19

I'm glad you told her to mind her own business! Sounds a right busybody but there's always one.

ChillysWaterBottle · 01/09/2023 15:26

JanesBlond · 01/09/2023 14:02

Why did you tell her to mind her own business instead of just explaining there wasn’t space to move it? She was rude but so were you.

You're not obligated to explain yourself or be polite to a complete stranger who has chosen to interpret your behaviour with the least amount of grace and then verbally attack and insult you.

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 01/09/2023 15:27

Let it go. It's not you, it's her.

ChillysWaterBottle · 01/09/2023 15:29

OP public transport can be absolutely awful for mothers with prams and small children. I'm sorry you met one of the many useless, bullying assholes on there, as well as a bad driver. People pick on mothers with young children as you're less likely to escalate with a baby in tow. Hope you feel better x

EhrlicheFrau · 01/09/2023 15:38

Without having been there it's hard to say who was 'in the right' or not, but nobody should be shouting at another human like that. TBH isn't it up to the driver to check if there's room for another pushchair/pram/wheelchair before he let's them on?

Talkingfrog · 03/09/2023 00:13

She should not have shouted to you, it was none of her business. If the other lady had wanted to sit down, she could have asked you and you could have explained. I know policies vary with different bus companies, but with our local busses if the pushchair stays up, the child is supposed to be sat strapped inside it. If the child is not sat in the pushchair it should be folded down. Your initial actions were not wrong as there was space for you to do what you did, but in an ideal situation would have been able to act when the other pushchair got on. The other pushchair user was wrong not to give you chance to take action, and the lady shouting abuse was just completely out of order

PhilMitchellsleatherbomber · 03/09/2023 00:22

TheLongGloriesOfTheWinterMoon · 01/09/2023 14:00

@TheThinkingGoblin

Are you the same ThinkingGoblin whose unpleasant and offensive ageist language keeps getting deleted across MN?

Yep she’s back unfortunately

Seagullchippy · 03/09/2023 00:24

There were two pushchairs already on the bus when the third arrived. There isn't usually room for three, so it's hard to imagine where the OP could have moved hers, and the bus moved so it wasn't safe to move anyhow.

If moving the pushchair was indeed possible, the woman shouting could simply have offered to help instead, if she had actually cared rather than wanted an opportunity to abuse someone.

Segway16 · 03/09/2023 06:51

There always has to be the few who think it’s OP’s fault no matter how unreasonable. So edgy 🙄

You didn’t do anything wrong. Some people are just spiteful.

The lady who was called a cunt etc, did no one stand up for you?! He should’ve been kicked off the bus!

BigOldBlue1 · 03/09/2023 07:02

It sounds like she was saying if you had moved yours by an inch or two there would have been space for three prams, is that it?

In that case YABU. You sat there not moving your buggy and chilling on two seats (one of which was for disabled passengers) while this other woman had to stand awkwardly in the aisle.

It's best not to sit in disabled seats as someone with a disability could feel too self conscious to ask you to move.

What happened to the days of people folding up their prams to get on buses

Rockandchips · 03/09/2023 07:20

Years ago pushchairs were built like tanks but you still had to fold it up to put it in the space under the stairs on the old route master buses or you went allowed on the bus. Noone folds up ax pushchair these days.

LittleGreenHearts · 03/09/2023 07:22

where I live a third buggy wouldn’t have been let on

and if a wheelchair user came along I would have to fold the buggy down or get off in favour of the wheelchair user