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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shouted at on the bus

128 replies

Pinklady1982830 · 01/09/2023 12:48

So bit upset this morning just looking to see what others think of this.
So this morning I had to go shopping with my 2 dc boy age 2 and girl age 6. Boy was in the pushchair.
After we finished shopping I decided we would get the bus home as my shopping was heavy so just easier to get bus home. Anyway we got on the bus and there was already a big buggy on the other side which was fine so I parked my buggy on the opposite side and my dd sat on the seat next to the buggy While I sat down in the disabled elderly seat also next to the buggy. Well a few stops on a lady also gets on with this very big pushchair there is no way she was going to fit in the opposite bay so she squeezed in right in the alise next to me. Not even giving me a chance to move my pushchair so she could try squeeze in next to me. Anyway the driver takes off while she is stood in the aslie with her buggy which surprises me as I always thought you were not allowed to do that, when this old lady shouts you can't put the bugy there! It's in the way! Obviously she gets ignored so shuts up
Then while while she is getting up to leave she turned to me and said
"Your disgusting you should of moved your pushchair so she could get into the spot and moved your daughter off that bloody seat so that woman could sit down!"
Bear in mind I had tried to move my buggy but literally could not move it due to the space. I was so shocked

She then said I should be ashamed of myself! So I lost it by then and replied "how about you mind your own business!" But she was still ranting at me as she got off the bus!
Not going to lie I did actually feel.like bursting into tears as I have lot going on at the moment and that just set me right over the edge. So I'm just Asking was I in the wrong here? Thanks if you made it this far

OP posts:
Lonicerax · 03/09/2023 07:28

I think when someone 'loses it' - it has much more to do with what is going on in their life (not happy stuff) than what they are supposedly v angry about.
I mean what is it to this stranger that the third woman brought her buggy on - absolutely nothing. So you were probably just a target for her venting her anger about other stuff she has no control over - so just put it behind you.

VictoriaVenkman · 03/09/2023 07:33

The driver should not have let the third buggy on. In my experience most buses only have room for two buggies. That said you should have put your daughter on your lap so the other lady could sit down.

I worked in retail for years and there are a percentage of rude people about who take delight in mouthing off to others especially when they think there will be no comeback.

Charlize43 · 03/09/2023 07:39

What is it with shouty women on buses?! I witnessed two separate incidents last week; one woman was chewing off a schoolgirl's ear as she had a cheap pair of earphones and sound was escaping. The poor girl looked like she was about to burst into tears - she was about 13.

When did people become so angry and aggressive with each other?

Deathraystare · 03/09/2023 07:41

This always takes me back to the routemasters and how only one (folded) pushchair was allowed on the bus.

Mum was going for a scan (1960's) with two of us kids (pregnant with the third), it was snowing but she had to get off the bus as there was already a folded pushchair on board. We had to walk a long way to the hospital. In those days pushchairs weren't the monsters they are today.

Mind you, also in those days the driver would not have been given a mouthfull/slap if he had refused another pushchair from getting on and nor would the passengers!!

Those were the days!

DisquietintheRanks · 03/09/2023 07:43

I don't understand why you didnt move your dd tbh, if you could see someone was having to stand up.

Tweedlelove · 03/09/2023 07:47

Was there the option to fold up the buggy. As she was the last one I would have thought she could have done that. Not your issue. The shouty woman obviously gets a bus a lot and thinks she is the bus police. Rise above it.

saveforthat · 03/09/2023 07:52

Anonymouslyposting · 01/09/2023 14:36

On a bus last week I got called a cunt and a “Jewish whore” for letting an elderly man rather than the man shouting at me sit down. He then threatened to “spit on [my] children” if I continued to ask him to stop. As I was with my two year old and six month old I stopped. Some people are just dicks and don’t know how to express their discontent without being abusive. Nothing to be done about it, try not to think any more about it.

Bloody hell, now that is something to be upset about. So sorry this happened to you. Did you complain to the driver?

DisquietintheRanks · 03/09/2023 07:53

Well you can't really folder your buggy if you've then nowhere to sit with your child. But yes, put it behind you OP and try not to let it upset you. The person who shouted at uou was either unpleasant or having a really bad day and took it out on you.

DisquietintheRanks · 03/09/2023 07:55

@Anonymouslyposting that is truly shocking and I really hope some of your fellow passengers stood up for you.

Greenberg2 · 03/09/2023 08:03

I think she was unnecessarily rude but what has age got to do with it? Would you have said this fat woman or tall woman? In these threads old woman always seems to be used as a code for unreasonable. In this case she was unreasonable, although you could have been alert to anyone getting on the bus as you were taking all that space. But there are many older women that are polite and even helpful to people on buses!

MariaVT65 · 03/09/2023 08:05

You sounded quite polite to that lady. I would have told her to fuck off.

I also would not have put a 6 year old on my lap while also being in charge of a buggy, and would not have made them stand for non-vulnerable adult either.

The issue here is public transport once again failing to be good enough for people’s needs. I’m lucky enough to have a car and it’s things like this why I have never taken my 2 year old on a bus.

IndigoLaFaye · 03/09/2023 08:07

In my opinion everybody sucks here

The driver shouldn’t have let a third buggy on.

You have admitted you should have moved your other child and I don’t see why you didn’t have time to move as the other buggy was getting on and paying. Sitting in a priority seat is questionable - although I’m sure most people won’t agree.

The elderly lady should not have spoken to you in that manner at all and you didn’t say anything wrong to her.

WhatNoRaisins · 03/09/2023 08:07

I'm guessing the drivers are under a lot of pressure to complete routes to time even when there is more traffic. No good for passengers with extra needs.

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 03/09/2023 08:10

Sometimes you've just got to tell people to get to fuck. This was one of those times. What a dickhead she was!

TakeMeToTheCloudsAbove · 03/09/2023 08:13

Usually at least two buggies fit into that space. I don’t understand why there wasn’t space to move it over.

user1477391263 · 03/09/2023 08:13

I'm guess the shopping is loaded onto the buggy? How are you supposed to fold it then?

CurlewKate · 03/09/2023 08:15

Ah, fuck. Another shouty "old lady." You know- I've never met one IRL. But no Mumsnet story is complete without one.

MadamPia · 03/09/2023 08:16

Why do people feel as if they are allowed to talk down at women with buggies. Honestly experiences like this was the reason I forced myself to drive and get a car. I had a situation where my baby was fast asleep in the buggy. A wheelchair user came on and I knew they were priority so I was juggling paying my fee, taking the baby out of the buggy, folding the buggy and finding a seat whilst I was waiting for the person I was with to finishing tapping their Oyster card for assistance.

It was also around 8/9pm as we were back from an evening panto. A random older lady starts shouting at me telling me I need to move and I shouldn’t be there blah blah blah.

Awful! If people aren’t going to help you when they can see that you are trying your best to juggle your children and manage an unexpected bus manoeuvre they should keep quiet.

I’ve had enough of the entitlement people feel that they have when it comes to judging a parent publically.

Ranting to let you know that I’ve been there too many times OP x Hope you are able to shrug these things off if it ever happens again

WhatNoRaisins · 03/09/2023 08:18

I must admit I've never understood how the hell you are meant to hold a baby, move your shopping and fold a buggy all while on a moving bus. Maybe if there was some slack in the route so the drivers could wait it would help a bit.

sleighbells00 · 03/09/2023 08:19

Oh I hate people like that OP. People who feel they are entitled to belittle others. I get upset by these things as well but you just have to remember that they most likely feel the need to behave like that because their lives are miserable. Have a cup of tea, watch something nice on the TV and forget about it!

dcthatsme · 03/09/2023 08:25

I know exactly how you feel - it’s so upsetting when someone is angry and aggressive out of the blue. You must console yourself that she is oblivious to the bad vibes she spreads and then she probably wonders why everyone is horrible to her. She’s the one who is caught in a cycle of negativity. Don’t let a saddo busybody get you down 🥰🌻👍🏻👍🏼👍🏽👍🏾👍🏿😀You have to feel sorry for her. Lots of love to you xxx

WhatNoRaisins · 03/09/2023 08:26

Some people just have a real ugliness about them. Maybe they got that way due to sympathetic reasons but it's hard to feel anything other than revulsion when you're on the receiving end of their bile.

Kwasi · 03/09/2023 08:27

People love a good moan. I had an old lady in our village knock on my door last month. I opened the door and she started screaming at me because some of the gravel from my drive had made its way to the very wide footpath that my drive joins on to. She then told me she had seen ‘a number of small children injure themselves’ because of three bits of pea shingle. She picked the wrong day! She has not knocked since!

ilovesooty · 03/09/2023 08:35

Kwasi · 03/09/2023 08:27

People love a good moan. I had an old lady in our village knock on my door last month. I opened the door and she started screaming at me because some of the gravel from my drive had made its way to the very wide footpath that my drive joins on to. She then told me she had seen ‘a number of small children injure themselves’ because of three bits of pea shingle. She picked the wrong day! She has not knocked since!

She was rude, aggressive and unreasonable. Her age makes no difference to that.

CaptainMyCaptain · 03/09/2023 08:40

Kwasi · 03/09/2023 08:27

People love a good moan. I had an old lady in our village knock on my door last month. I opened the door and she started screaming at me because some of the gravel from my drive had made its way to the very wide footpath that my drive joins on to. She then told me she had seen ‘a number of small children injure themselves’ because of three bits of pea shingle. She picked the wrong day! She has not knocked since!

Does her age matter?