Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend said our holidays are boring

361 replies

SusanandMidge · 31/08/2023 14:50

My friend and her husband love travelling and go on about 4 holidays a year. This year they've been to Egypt, India and Japan and are planning a trip to Croatia next month,
We prefer to holiday in the UK. Just throw everything into the car, no airport security, worrying about losing passports, delayed flights etc. We genuinely enjoy driving around places like the Lake District, Devon, Wales etc., stopping off at nice villages, chilling out in the garden of rented cottages with a glass of wine and a book, pottering up to the local pub for dinner and all that.

Last night, after a couple of drinks, my friend asked me why we go on such 'boring' holidays. I just said I wouldn't really enjoy the holidays she goes on but each to their own. She started persisting, saying 'don't you want to see the world' and so on. I pointed out that when we were younger we went to the States, Australia and lots of European countries. Then she said yeah but that was years ago, and we should 'treat ourselves' to a few nice holidays.

We're about to head down to Cornwall for a week, but her comments have kind of ruined it. I really don't want to go on long haul holidays and was content with our UK holidays but now just feel like everyone thinks we're boring and unadventurous. AIBU.

OP posts:
allthehops · 31/08/2023 16:59

Everyone is entitled to like what they like.

Personally I love doing both - but if I'm honest I would say I find my UK cottage holidays far more relaxing than going abroad. There's less travel stress, less pressure to see the sights and more time for afternoon naps 😂

Tell your friend to butt out and enjoy your holiday!

RedToothBrush · 31/08/2023 17:00

Does it matter if she thinks your holiday was boring?

She didn't have to go on it.
And how does she know if it was boring, if she wasn't there?

Why is her holiday so amazing, just because she went on it and it was in a far away foreign place?
Its perfectly possible to have a shit, bloody holiday abroad.

Why is your choice of holiday destination her business at all?

LookItsMeAgain · 31/08/2023 17:00

The travel industry would be a very dull place to work if the only holidays were the ones that your friend selected or the ones that you select @SusanandMidge. Enjoy what works for you. Leave her to her busy holiday as that works for her.

placemats · 31/08/2023 17:02

So what about the millions of tourists from abroad who visit the UK each year? Are they not 'treating themselves'? Travelling to the UK is expensive and you happen to live on an island that is a very popular destination. You are treating yourself to a holiday in Cornwall and I hope you enjoy every moment of it.

https://www.condorferries.co.uk/uk-tourism-statistics

UK Tourism Statistics 2023 - Latest Data

Everything you need to know about UK Tourism Statistics including inbound arrivals, spending, how much it contributes to the UK economy, jobs & more!

https://www.condorferries.co.uk/uk-tourism-statistics

IsadoraQuagmire · 31/08/2023 17:03

I'd prefer your holidays to hers (though Ive been to Japan a few times, but that's because I have family there) I have to ask @SusanandMidge are you a Jane Shaw fan??

Escapetofrance · 31/08/2023 17:05

It’s hard to not let other people’s comments affect us negatively. In this instance, as you have traveled extensively around the world, I really would try not to give it another moments thought.
Enjoy your time in Cornwall.

ProfessorLayton1 · 31/08/2023 17:06

We have had holidays abroad recently but have had holidays in Yorkshire , Devon and Cornwall in the past and loved them all. Holidays are what you make them to be and a lot depends on who you are on holiday with. Your holidays sounds fab, enjoy it and don't let her spoil it for you.

ClearConfusion · 31/08/2023 17:06

Your holidays aren’t boring, if you enjoy them that’s all that matters. Your friends opinion is just that an opinion, it is not fact. I may be a bit biased, as my most favourite holiday is the Yorkshire Dales in winter, with my dog! Having lived abroad and done the year round sunshine thing, it’s refreshing to have seasons. I’ve never really liked holidays, but have come to the conclusion it’s sun and sand, that I don’t like. My choice of holiday would be another person’s personal hell. Each to their own, take no notice and enjoy what YOU like, not what others think you should.

suckrifice · 31/08/2023 17:06

MitchellMummy · 31/08/2023 16:19

There's much more to do in the UK if the weather is bad. No airports. No flights. You can do as much sport, culture, lazing around or whatever. I love UK holidays. Many people who go abroad do it for the 'Insta' rather than because they want to go. A tick list - how many countries you've visited. Enjoy your holiday! Do not give a thought about what your 'friend' thinks!

@MitchellMummy I’m dying to know what you mean by this

There's much more to do in the UK if the weather is bad.

I don’t live in the UK and I’d love to hear more about how there is more to do. 😂

ShowOfHands · 31/08/2023 17:07

My colleague said the same to me recently. She likes to go AI to resorts, drink all day, lie on a sun lounger she's fought for and guards with her life and watches people croon by the pool after hours. It sounds like the 7th circle of hell to me. I like to stay in the UK and visit historical sites or places of art, culture or whimsy. I browse book shops or hike up some hills or go on a guided tour. She thinks that sounds like a punishment and she'd have to be paid to do it.

I like her. I think she likes me. We just have different tastes.

tuvamoodyson · 31/08/2023 17:08

I don’t care a jot what people say about me! Neither should you…

suckrifice · 31/08/2023 17:09

ShowOfHands · 31/08/2023 17:07

My colleague said the same to me recently. She likes to go AI to resorts, drink all day, lie on a sun lounger she's fought for and guards with her life and watches people croon by the pool after hours. It sounds like the 7th circle of hell to me. I like to stay in the UK and visit historical sites or places of art, culture or whimsy. I browse book shops or hike up some hills or go on a guided tour. She thinks that sounds like a punishment and she'd have to be paid to do it.

I like her. I think she likes me. We just have different tastes.

You might find places like Pompeji interesting too. Ai would be like hell to me.

off · 31/08/2023 17:16

Aposterhasnoname · 31/08/2023 16:14

Well if her comments have “ruined it” then you have to ask if you genuinely enjoy it. I often see comments about holidaying in the uk is better because xyz. None of them ruin my holidays (currently in Turkey) because I genuinely love them.

Can't you think of any circumstances where a friend's declared poor opinion of something that you like would take the sparkle off it for you a bit? Assuming this friend is someone you like and respect, obviously.

Like if you, I dunno, chose yourself a lovely new coat for the winter, and the first time your friend saw you in it, said "I don't know why you always buy such frumpy, old-fashioned coats. Don't you want to look stylish? You should treat yourself to something really nice and elegant, not that dingy old stuff."

Even if you really loved the coat, and still loved it, isn't there a chance that for a while, every time you put it on, instead of just being able to enjoy feeling pleased with your lovely new coat, you'd also remember your friend (who you like and respect) going on about how she thought it was old-fashioned, and telling you that your coat wasn't good enough? The coat would remind you of the fact your friend thinks you're frumpy.

And then it's possible that the well-documented normal human tendency to (subconsciously?) wish to align our preferences and dislikes with those of other people we like (and the opposite with people we dislike) might kick in, so maybe your brain starts to pick at it for flaws, making you think you've started to notice that the buttons are possibly a little passé, and perhaps the cut isn't as flattering as you thought…

None of which means you didn't and don't genuinely really love the coat — just that your friend's vehement dislike for it, the possible implication that it reflects poorly on you as a person and you should do better for yourself, and your niggling feeling that everyone who sees you in it might think you're an old frump, means that your brain is trying to reconcile "I like and respect friend" with "friend thinks my coat is frumpy". Even if you brush it off and manage to enjoy wearing the new coat you love, there's still that cognitive tension and emotional negativity attached to the coat.

Or maybe a coat wouldn't be the thing that would do it for you. Maybe you remember being a kid or a teenager, and far less experienced at brushing off social pressures like this, and remember feeling different about some music you loved after hearing someone you liked and respected slagging it off.

I talk about taking the sparkle off because for me, when OP says "her comments have kind of ruined it", I don't read that necessarily as "her comments have utterly destroyed any chance of enjoying any part of this holiday I was previously looking forward to" — with the "kind of", I read it as something more like it's spoiling the anticipation, and she's worried she won't be able to wholeheartedly enjoy the holiday in the same way, with that "you're boring" implication echoing round in her head from time to time. Maybe I'm wrong there, and OP really does mean the holiday is totally and irredeemably wrecked now, and TBH that would be overdramatic.

I think that maybe being aware of cognitive balance theory, and the human tendency to try and minimise conflict between our own personal preferences and those of people we like and respect, might help OP see that a lot of her new misgivings about her holiday can be put down to a quirk of normal human psychology. When she starts to think something like "maybe my holidays are boring, and everyone else thinks I'm boring too" she can remind herself that no, that's just her brain trying to make everything nice and matchy, which is normal but not necessarily reflective of how she really feels.

PurpleWisteria1 · 31/08/2023 17:16

I’ve found this to a degree too OP.
Some people who like travelling abroad and different cultures just simply can’t understand how other people don’t want to see other countries / cultures. Just can’t understand it. I have no desire to ever step foot in India or Egypt for example. You would have to pay me.
Cornwall on the other hand is absolute bliss in places and I’ve been there a good few times.

FlamingoQueen · 31/08/2023 17:17

Tell her to piss off! With all the trouble with flights at the moment, I wouldn’t want to go abroad anyway. There is nothing wrong with holidaying in this country and if you enjoy it, then just carry on.

BakingBeanz · 31/08/2023 17:20

She was U to call your holiday boring.

You are U to be so upset.

Different strokes for different folks. I’m often surprised at people who’ve travelled the world but not seen any of the world-class stuff on their own doorstep, but that’s up to them.

brebrev · 31/08/2023 17:22

Cornwall is my favourite place in the world! Only holiday we’ve never missed (bar covid times) is our annual Cornwall trip. Lucky you - enjoy it. Ignore your mate.

Speakerbox · 31/08/2023 17:23

She’s just being rude git.

It seems, yet again, that some people don’t understand that we’re all different & like different things.

The idea of the travelling & hours spent in airports, the expense, the heat etc is not appealing to many people. Some people prefer to be closer to home and milder climates. You do what makes you happy, it’s your life.

I personally have no interest in going to Egypt or India, I wouldn’t say ‘Oh God, why are you going there, I much prefer Greece or France’
I’d just say ‘ lovely, have a great time’

Why the need to comment on whether you like a friends holiday or not, it’s a bit weird to me.

FictionalCharacter · 31/08/2023 17:24

I don’t know which way round your Aibu is, but why waste energy on thinking about what a snobbish, rude, small minded friend thinks.
She isn’t “seeing the world”, she’s paying money to be a tourist like millions of other people who have bog standard foreign holidays, unless she’s travelling independently and going way off the beaten track. She’s the boring one.
I’ve had holidays in the UK that have been far more adventurous than hers - mountain walking and wild camping for example.
Please don’t let this silly woman spoil your holidays. Push back. It isn’t “everyone” thinking like her, it’s a few idiots.

Ewock · 31/08/2023 17:26

We don't do long haul or even short haul. We holiday in the UK our dc love it and so do we. We stay in cottages, camp etc. I love showing my dc places I went and have great memories of when I was a kid.
Both of us have been abroad many times pre kids but at the moment we just don't see the need.
A friend of mine doesn't think it's a holiday unless it's abroad, but she never belittles our holidays and vice versa. Your friend is judgmental and pretty unkind, none of her business what you prefer for your holiday.

Aposterhasnoname · 31/08/2023 17:27

off · 31/08/2023 17:16

Can't you think of any circumstances where a friend's declared poor opinion of something that you like would take the sparkle off it for you a bit? Assuming this friend is someone you like and respect, obviously.

Like if you, I dunno, chose yourself a lovely new coat for the winter, and the first time your friend saw you in it, said "I don't know why you always buy such frumpy, old-fashioned coats. Don't you want to look stylish? You should treat yourself to something really nice and elegant, not that dingy old stuff."

Even if you really loved the coat, and still loved it, isn't there a chance that for a while, every time you put it on, instead of just being able to enjoy feeling pleased with your lovely new coat, you'd also remember your friend (who you like and respect) going on about how she thought it was old-fashioned, and telling you that your coat wasn't good enough? The coat would remind you of the fact your friend thinks you're frumpy.

And then it's possible that the well-documented normal human tendency to (subconsciously?) wish to align our preferences and dislikes with those of other people we like (and the opposite with people we dislike) might kick in, so maybe your brain starts to pick at it for flaws, making you think you've started to notice that the buttons are possibly a little passé, and perhaps the cut isn't as flattering as you thought…

None of which means you didn't and don't genuinely really love the coat — just that your friend's vehement dislike for it, the possible implication that it reflects poorly on you as a person and you should do better for yourself, and your niggling feeling that everyone who sees you in it might think you're an old frump, means that your brain is trying to reconcile "I like and respect friend" with "friend thinks my coat is frumpy". Even if you brush it off and manage to enjoy wearing the new coat you love, there's still that cognitive tension and emotional negativity attached to the coat.

Or maybe a coat wouldn't be the thing that would do it for you. Maybe you remember being a kid or a teenager, and far less experienced at brushing off social pressures like this, and remember feeling different about some music you loved after hearing someone you liked and respected slagging it off.

I talk about taking the sparkle off because for me, when OP says "her comments have kind of ruined it", I don't read that necessarily as "her comments have utterly destroyed any chance of enjoying any part of this holiday I was previously looking forward to" — with the "kind of", I read it as something more like it's spoiling the anticipation, and she's worried she won't be able to wholeheartedly enjoy the holiday in the same way, with that "you're boring" implication echoing round in her head from time to time. Maybe I'm wrong there, and OP really does mean the holiday is totally and irredeemably wrecked now, and TBH that would be overdramatic.

I think that maybe being aware of cognitive balance theory, and the human tendency to try and minimise conflict between our own personal preferences and those of people we like and respect, might help OP see that a lot of her new misgivings about her holiday can be put down to a quirk of normal human psychology. When she starts to think something like "maybe my holidays are boring, and everyone else thinks I'm boring too" she can remind herself that no, that's just her brain trying to make everything nice and matchy, which is normal but not necessarily reflective of how she really feels.

Nope, I genuinely don’t give a single shiny shit what anyone else thinks of my clothes, holidays, house, car, decor, opinion on mumsnet, or literally anything.

OnGoldenPond · 31/08/2023 17:27

I have to say your holidays sound great, lovely and relaxing. Can I come too? Grin

skyeisthelimit · 31/08/2023 17:28

It's just a difference of opinion, you like different things. I say kindly, that I think you need to grow a thicker skin and just brush off her comments as you seem to have taken them to heart.

I don't go abroad due to cost and several other issues, however we have a lot of UK holidays, short breaks etc.

Last time I went abroad, which was over 15 years ago, we had a mixture of days by the pool/beach and days exploring. We all like different things.

I hate the thought of camping, I want my en suite and proper bed etc and can't think of anything worse, but have friends who love camping. We certainly don't criticise each others choices.

Candlelight34 · 31/08/2023 17:30

SusanandMidge · 31/08/2023 14:50

My friend and her husband love travelling and go on about 4 holidays a year. This year they've been to Egypt, India and Japan and are planning a trip to Croatia next month,
We prefer to holiday in the UK. Just throw everything into the car, no airport security, worrying about losing passports, delayed flights etc. We genuinely enjoy driving around places like the Lake District, Devon, Wales etc., stopping off at nice villages, chilling out in the garden of rented cottages with a glass of wine and a book, pottering up to the local pub for dinner and all that.

Last night, after a couple of drinks, my friend asked me why we go on such 'boring' holidays. I just said I wouldn't really enjoy the holidays she goes on but each to their own. She started persisting, saying 'don't you want to see the world' and so on. I pointed out that when we were younger we went to the States, Australia and lots of European countries. Then she said yeah but that was years ago, and we should 'treat ourselves' to a few nice holidays.

We're about to head down to Cornwall for a week, but her comments have kind of ruined it. I really don't want to go on long haul holidays and was content with our UK holidays but now just feel like everyone thinks we're boring and unadventurous. AIBU.

Waste energy on what someone else thinks?

Why?
Who gives a flying f

placemats · 31/08/2023 17:31

suckrifice · 31/08/2023 17:06

@MitchellMummy I’m dying to know what you mean by this

There's much more to do in the UK if the weather is bad.

I don’t live in the UK and I’d love to hear more about how there is more to do. 😂

You would visit Stonehenge in the rain if it was on the itinerary. You would pay the £20 to visit Westminster Abbey, I would, if it was raining, though you need to pre book. You would most certainly walk around Edinburgh in the rain - it's almost a disaster if it hasn't rained! I've been to hundreds of locations throughout the world and some of my favourite memories are holidays in Ireland and the UK. Your holiday is what you make of it.