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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband refuses to meet dd15s boyfriend

87 replies

Indoorvoicesbluey · 30/08/2023 20:25

Dd15 and DH are best friends, like they do everything together, Starbucks - Shopping - pamper days etc.

dd15 has never really been interested in boys, she’s been too busy with her horse and school etc.

Shes met a boy. They went primary and then separate secondary schools and then added each other on snap. He lives in the same town as us.

DH refuses to discus it. He goes in a foul mood and is just horrible.

iv met him and he’s so lovely. Like an ideal first boyfriend. He works, is at college, doesn’t smoke or drink, just a good boy who is polite and lovely. They get on so well and the personalities match.

DH won’t meet him. Says there’s absolutely no point because they aren’t getting married. I’m fuming about it tbh because I think it’s rude and he’s pushing dd away. She went for dinner at his and met his mum today.

I don’t know what to do :( I think if they are stilll together come winter it would be better for them to come here then sit in the dog park like they have been! (Although they have been out to places like the cinema etc too). He said if he’s here when he comes home he would kick him out.

iv told him he’s being pathetic.

Wtf do I do?

OP posts:
cansu · 30/08/2023 20:28

I think a serious talk is in order. He will alienate his daughter if he carries on. Plus who made him king of the world? He does not get to decide on his own who comes into your home.

EvilElsa · 30/08/2023 20:28

He's being an idiot and all that will happen is that their close relationship will be damaged and she won't tell him anything in the future.

Sazza26xx · 30/08/2023 20:29

How old is he if he's at college? Must be at least 16/17,if so I'm with your husband

Sunshineclouds11 · 30/08/2023 20:30

He'll just push your daughter away from him and their relationship will be ruined.

Boys, or girls, were always going to come along so I'm not sure how long he thought it would last without them!

Trenchfootinthescottishhighlandstoday · 30/08/2023 20:30

He sounds jealous he isn't the most important male in his own dd's life.. Yuck.

Indoorvoicesbluey · 30/08/2023 20:30

He’s just turned 16. My daughter is nearly 16.

iv tired a serious talk, he just turns into a mardy sod.

OP posts:
FewerAndLess · 30/08/2023 20:31

The boy sounds more mature than your husband.

What are your husband’s views on feminism and women generally? Does he view your daughter as his ‘property’?

There is something a bit gross about this that I can’t put my finger on. But sexism features there somewhere.

Sazza26xx · 30/08/2023 20:32

Indoorvoicesbluey · 30/08/2023 20:30

He’s just turned 16. My daughter is nearly 16.

iv tired a serious talk, he just turns into a mardy sod.

I completely retract what I just said then, apologies OP, yes your husband is being an utter dick, he needs to get a grip.

Septemberdaysarehere · 30/08/2023 20:34

Serious chat is in order. He is seeing her as possession and pushing her away.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/08/2023 20:34

Your husband is jealous of his daughter's boyfriend. That's really, really unattractive. It's pathetic, getting very close to creepy.

Newmumatlast · 30/08/2023 20:36

Aquamarine1029 · 30/08/2023 20:34

Your husband is jealous of his daughter's boyfriend. That's really, really unattractive. It's pathetic, getting very close to creepy.

Yeah, something feels eurgh to me about it too tbh.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/08/2023 20:36

To add... The fact that he is seemingly incapable of internalising his jealousy and hiding it from you is quite alarming. This is not healthy and it's definitely not normal.

EvilElsa · 30/08/2023 20:36

Indoorvoicesbluey · 30/08/2023 20:30

He’s just turned 16. My daughter is nearly 16.

iv tired a serious talk, he just turns into a mardy sod.

Then he needs to grow up.
Why does he get the final say on who is invited into the house anyway? You and DD also live there.
I stayed with my partner and we met as young teens. Still together 25 years on. While it's unlikely to happen you never know. This could be massively damaging to their father/daughter relationship.
What are his objections exactly? If it's jealousy then he's fucking weird.

Longagonow96 · 30/08/2023 20:37

Sazza26xx · 30/08/2023 20:29

How old is he if he's at college? Must be at least 16/17,if so I'm with your husband

A whole year's difference, wow. MN is so fucking weird.

Sazza26xx · 30/08/2023 20:38

Longagonow96 · 30/08/2023 20:37

A whole year's difference, wow. MN is so fucking weird.

Read my last post before jumping on me.

Rudolphthefrog · 30/08/2023 20:38

I’d find the bit where he’s her “best friend” and they do everything together a bit weird to be honest. And yes, I’d say that if genders were different too - teens that age usually go to Starbucks or do pamper stuff etc with friends not parents. It smacks slightly of the whole American “Daddy daughter date”, purity ring, nobody’s good enough for my daughter thing. Icky.

Longagonow96 · 30/08/2023 20:38

Sazza26xx · 30/08/2023 20:38

Read my last post before jumping on me.

No, it's your original comment that's weird.

Embarrassednamechangeadoddle · 30/08/2023 20:39

Personally I would tell DH that you intend to invite DD and her boyfriend for dinner at yours. He can be a part of the dinner or not…however he cannot make a scene and cannot “throw him out”. I’d make it clear any behaviour like that will be a serious issue between you both, he does not get to dictate who comes in to the family home.

It’s actually really pathetic behaviour. Does he realise he is putting his lovely relationship with DD at risk. He needs to adapt his expectations to match the age she is…..unless he is happy to loose contact with her as she grows older.

jlpth · 30/08/2023 20:40

What a demented freak your dh sounds. Have a serious conversation with him, tell him to grow up and behave properly.

Twilight7777 · 30/08/2023 20:40

Giving me the ick reading it to be honest! husband is most definitely in the wrong

Ozziedream · 30/08/2023 20:41

I’m sorry, I don’t know how to put this more politely, but your DH and his extreme reaction is coming across as a bit creepy.

incognito50me · 30/08/2023 20:41

I was worried my DH would be like that, or at least very opposed to any dating before 17 or so. But he surprised me and he's been fine, met DD(15)'s first boyfriend and has been very welcoming to him. That keeps our daughter close to him!
If you've tried serious talks, I don't know what the next step would be. Can you write him a letter? Have you had any inkling that he might be this way? Your poor daughter, this must feel very uncomfortable. She is not doing anything wrong at all, and her father keeps having tantrums.

pilates · 30/08/2023 20:41

Jealous of his DD’s bf?

Your DH is giving me the ick

Sazza26xx · 30/08/2023 20:41

Longagonow96 · 30/08/2023 20:38

No, it's your original comment that's weird.

How's it weird? I literally asked a question then when she said that I actually retracted what I said 🥴 get a grip.

MrsKeats · 30/08/2023 20:43

Pamper days?
Yuck.