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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband refuses to meet dd15s boyfriend

87 replies

Indoorvoicesbluey · 30/08/2023 20:25

Dd15 and DH are best friends, like they do everything together, Starbucks - Shopping - pamper days etc.

dd15 has never really been interested in boys, she’s been too busy with her horse and school etc.

Shes met a boy. They went primary and then separate secondary schools and then added each other on snap. He lives in the same town as us.

DH refuses to discus it. He goes in a foul mood and is just horrible.

iv met him and he’s so lovely. Like an ideal first boyfriend. He works, is at college, doesn’t smoke or drink, just a good boy who is polite and lovely. They get on so well and the personalities match.

DH won’t meet him. Says there’s absolutely no point because they aren’t getting married. I’m fuming about it tbh because I think it’s rude and he’s pushing dd away. She went for dinner at his and met his mum today.

I don’t know what to do :( I think if they are stilll together come winter it would be better for them to come here then sit in the dog park like they have been! (Although they have been out to places like the cinema etc too). He said if he’s here when he comes home he would kick him out.

iv told him he’s being pathetic.

Wtf do I do?

OP posts:
jannier · 31/08/2023 00:55

Is he jealous of someone coming between their close relationship? Lots of dads struggle with their daughters growing up and if they did lots of things together he may be seeing things changing

Berlinlover · 31/08/2023 00:58

Pamper days?

Very strange.

Catsmere · 31/08/2023 01:01

Aquamarine1029 · 30/08/2023 20:34

Your husband is jealous of his daughter's boyfriend. That's really, really unattractive. It's pathetic, getting very close to creepy.

Same, that sets some almost-alarm bells off.

Catsmere · 31/08/2023 01:07

BumpyaDaisyevna · 30/08/2023 23:37

No man should be best friends with his daughter.

He's her father not her friend.

His job and role is to help her develop into an adult woman.

That includes trying to model what a good bf looks like and supporting her by managing his own feelings of jealousy and not burdening her with them!

Yes, and after reading OP's update I'm even more dubious about her husband's relationship with their daughter. His excuses send out all the wrong vibes.

Totallyterrific · 31/08/2023 01:18

Trips out to cafes, shared hobbies all sound great (my own dad never did anything like that with me) but pamper days between a father and a daughter do sound weird to me tbh.
He sounds jealous. Jealous of this new male that is taking his daughters attention away from him.

unkownone · 31/08/2023 01:47

Hmm i think it's odd. My eldest had an eating disorder and self harming at that age and only wanted to be with us. We literally encouraged every opportunity that came her way to hang with people her own age. I'd be telling him he should be proud of how far she's come. Mines first boyfriend was so ill fitting it wasn't funny, but we still welcomed him and treated him like family til she broke up with him lol still friendly with him as it's a small town.
DH is super close with her and like me felt weird - she hated boys til then, but it's life, kids grow up.

Carouselfish · 31/08/2023 01:52

@Aquamarine1029 just a quick STEPHEN! to you.
OP, update is good. At least he has seen sense.

CobraChicken · 31/08/2023 03:11

Aquamarine1029 · 30/08/2023 20:34

Your husband is jealous of his daughter's boyfriend. That's really, really unattractive. It's pathetic, getting very close to creepy.

It's not just "getting very close to creepy."

His reaction is beyond creepy...

Brightandshining · 31/08/2023 03:16

This is really creepy. Your DH needs to get a grip. This will negatively effect his daughter who he claims to love so much yet cant allow to grow up in a normal healthy way. I really hope you can talk some sense into him. Your poor DD

Planesmistakenforstars · 31/08/2023 03:36

If he feels protective of his daughter, meeting the boyfriend is how he exerts his dominance as a father. It gives him the chance to size the kid up and let the boy know that there is someone looking out for her. If he skips that meeting, he is failing in his old-fashioned dad duties.

Just when I thought it can't get any more gross, along comes this! He should be meeting the boy to validate his daughter's choices and to support her to form relationships with her peers after a difficult time for her. Not to fucking "assert his dominance as a father." What even is this shit?

And there is someone looking out for her. Her mum is looking out for her. By supporting her and not letting her father be an immature dickhead.

Notamum12345577 · 31/08/2023 03:44

Sazza26xx · 30/08/2023 20:29

How old is he if he's at college? Must be at least 16/17,if so I'm with your husband

What’s wrong with a one or two year age gap? Obviously as long as they aren’t sleeping together, her being underage.

Conniption · 31/08/2023 14:00

Using a 15 year old as an emotional scapegoat is pretty damaging as well tbh

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