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Original poster

Husband refuses to meet dd15s boyfriend

87 replies

Indoorvoicesbluey · 30/08/2023 20:25

Dd15 and DH are best friends, like they do everything together, Starbucks - Shopping - pamper days etc.

dd15 has never really been interested in boys, she’s been too busy with her horse and school etc.

Shes met a boy. They went primary and then separate secondary schools and then added each other on snap. He lives in the same town as us.

DH refuses to discus it. He goes in a foul mood and is just horrible.

iv met him and he’s so lovely. Like an ideal first boyfriend. He works, is at college, doesn’t smoke or drink, just a good boy who is polite and lovely. They get on so well and the personalities match.

DH won’t meet him. Says there’s absolutely no point because they aren’t getting married. I’m fuming about it tbh because I think it’s rude and he’s pushing dd away. She went for dinner at his and met his mum today.

I don’t know what to do :( I think if they are stilll together come winter it would be better for them to come here then sit in the dog park like they have been! (Although they have been out to places like the cinema etc too). He said if he’s here when he comes home he would kick him out.

iv told him he’s being pathetic.

Wtf do I do?

OP posts:
Whitepaleness · 30/08/2023 21:35

I married my first boyfriend and I know a few people who did too. It might not be long term but what if it is?

CasperGutman · 30/08/2023 21:39

Sazza26xx · 30/08/2023 20:41

How's it weird? I literally asked a question then when she said that I actually retracted what I said 🥴 get a grip.

Show quote history

It's weird because you said you thought the DH's reaction ("refuses to discus it", "goes in a foul mood and is just horrible") was reasonable/one you would share if the 15-year-old's BF turned out to be 16.

The fact that you retracted your initial position when the 15-year-old's BF actually turned out to be, erm, 16, doesn't make your initial position less weird. It's a weird reason to retract the initial weird position which just compounds things as far as I'm concerned!

allthebeautifulflowers · 30/08/2023 21:39

Aside from the other issues raised here, I really hope your DD doesn't take from this some message that she should be keen to marry her first boyfriend. It works out for some people, but she should know there's a whole world out there.

Dotcheck · 30/08/2023 21:49

I agree with pp who say it is like she is a possession.
Or does he treat her like an extension of himself? Or the relationship is a massive ego prop for him.
Either way, it is incredibly unhealthy, and your updates just make it worse. Your daughter’s mental health issue does not make it ok for your husband to treat her this way. His mental health troubles do not make this ok.

Brefugee · 30/08/2023 21:55

Sazza26xx · 30/08/2023 21:09

Read my previous more updated post

Show quote history

Your previous post was weird. What is wrong with a 15 year old seeing a 17 year old?

BaroldandNedmund · 30/08/2023 22:04

Sazza26xx · 30/08/2023 20:41

How's it weird? I literally asked a question then when she said that I actually retracted what I said 🥴 get a grip.

Show quote history

No it was weird. You didn’t retract what you said - you only changed your mind because the bf is only slightly older.

Thelonelygiraffe · 30/08/2023 22:17

Sazza26xx · 30/08/2023 20:29

How old is he if he's at college? Must be at least 16/17,if so I'm with your husband

Could be 16. Might only be a few months older than the dd. What's your point?

Thelonelygiraffe · 30/08/2023 22:17

Aquamarine1029 · 30/08/2023 20:34

Your husband is jealous of his daughter's boyfriend. That's really, really unattractive. It's pathetic, getting very close to creepy.

Yep.

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 30/08/2023 22:21

‘DH refuses to discus it. He goes in a foul mood and is just horrible.’

I’m guessing you also worry that this really isn’t a normal reaction to a daughter having a boyfriend - YANBU. He’s acting possessively and jealously like she’s his own partner and he’s being forced to share her. That’s not how fatherhood works and he’s got some major issues if he’s threatening to kick a perfectly nice young lad out of his house for no reason other than that his daughter likes him. It doesn’t matter that you’ve had a chat and he’s seemingly agreed he’s being unreasonable: that doesn’t explain his irrational anger and jealousy. So what if she talks about him a lot: him being sick of hearing about him doesn’t give him a reason to be so controlling. You need to get to the bottom of it and find out what is behind this odd reaction because the way you describe his anger at this new male on the scene is unsettling.

elm26 · 30/08/2023 22:29

Your DH is being really silly.

My Dad met my first boyfriend at 14 (he was 15) and we got married at 21, we're now 30 & 32 with a 14 week old baby and happiest we've ever been so him saying she won't marry him so no point might come back to bite him! 😂

Hibiscrubbed · 30/08/2023 23:04

A dad jealous over a daughter’s first boyfriend is gross. And will annihilate his relationship with her.

Being close is lovely, bring ‘best friends’ and weird about her growing up is….strange.

BumpyaDaisyevna · 30/08/2023 23:37

No man should be best friends with his daughter.

He's her father not her friend.

His job and role is to help her develop into an adult woman.

That includes trying to model what a good bf looks like and supporting her by managing his own feelings of jealousy and not burdening her with them!

Duckingella · 30/08/2023 23:54

Is he having a freak out over the thought of his little girl heading towards her 16th and possibly becoming sexually active?;it's a moment I think many parents dread.

Pallisers · 30/08/2023 23:59

Aquamarine1029 · 30/08/2023 20:34

Your husband is jealous of his daughter's boyfriend. That's really, really unattractive. It's pathetic, getting very close to creepy.

seriously. This isn't a normal reaction at all and I think you need to tell him that. No matter what his mental health issues, he can't be using his 15 year old daughter as an emotional crutch.

Mumof2teens79 · 31/08/2023 00:04

Your DH is being weird

But I also think maybe the whole meet the parents thing is a bit OTT

It's a first boyfriend, any meeting or intros should be similar to how you might meet a new friend-friend...very casually a quick hello when they come round. No big deal. But she should feel comfortable having him in the house, knowing its not a big "thing"

It may be the idea of a formal meeting/meal that seems very full on and tbh adult.

ChaChaRealSmooth · 31/08/2023 00:05

Aquamarine1029 · 30/08/2023 20:34

Your husband is jealous of his daughter's boyfriend. That's really, really unattractive. It's pathetic, getting very close to creepy.

This.

CassiniG · 31/08/2023 00:05

Whilst I do think your husband is being over the top and jealous, I do think caution is needed as to allowing the boy upstairs in her bedroom if he comes round.

Nanny0gg · 31/08/2023 00:14

Aquamarine1029 · 30/08/2023 20:36

To add... The fact that he is seemingly incapable of internalising his jealousy and hiding it from you is quite alarming. This is not healthy and it's definitely not normal.

I've never understood mothers being 'best friends' with their daughters. You're their parent. You can be close, but they have friends - they don't need another one.

I understand it even less when it's the father. So maybe that's why his reaction is so 'off'

Laurdo · 31/08/2023 00:15

elm26 · 30/08/2023 22:29

Your DH is being really silly.

My Dad met my first boyfriend at 14 (he was 15) and we got married at 21, we're now 30 & 32 with a 14 week old baby and happiest we've ever been so him saying she won't marry him so no point might come back to bite him! 😂

I'm now married to the boy I dated for 3 weeks when I was 13.

BatsHatIsWonky · 31/08/2023 00:17

Is he about to start college do you mean? If you're in the UK then he won't already be at college if he's literally just turned 16

So is he older than you say? And your daughter younger than you say?

Not excusing your husbands behaviour but something sounds a bit weird. And pamper days? With her dad? What do they look like?

JFDIYOLO · 31/08/2023 00:18

He's not her best friend - he's her dad.

He has mental health issues.

She has self harmed in the past.

Do you know what caused her own mental health issues and fed her self harming?

His reaction is not normal - it is normal to feel sad that your little girl is growing up and will one day move on, but this over reaction is odd.

They probably won't get married.
They probably won't be together forever.
But what if they do?

How will he mend the damage he's already doing with his possessive, jealous, sullen behaviour?

It must be difficult dealing with two adolescents.

MrsSkylerWhite · 31/08/2023 00:20

Your husband does pamper days with his 16 year old daughter?

Ponderingwindow · 31/08/2023 00:24

He is right that a boyfriend at this age doesn’t mean much. Presumably he enjoys meeting his DD’s other friends though. So why wouldn’t he want to meet this particularly good friend?

it’s wonderful meeting your teens friends. It’s a great way to get to know your teen a bit better. Kids open up with other adults in ways they often don’t with their own parents. It’s a wonderful extra window into your own child’s life.

If he feels protective of his daughter, meeting the boyfriend is how he exerts his dominance as a father. It gives him the chance to size the kid up and let the boy know that there is someone looking out for her. If he skips that meeting, he is failing in his old-fashioned dad duties.

Laurdo · 31/08/2023 00:25

BatsHatIsWonky · 31/08/2023 00:17

Is he about to start college do you mean? If you're in the UK then he won't already be at college if he's literally just turned 16

So is he older than you say? And your daughter younger than you say?

Not excusing your husbands behaviour but something sounds a bit weird. And pamper days? With her dad? What do they look like?

Scottish schools and colleges went back 3 weeks ago.

The only thing that sounds odd here is her DHs reaction.

wotanarse · 31/08/2023 00:41

It all sounds very Bouquet of Barbed Wire.

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