Husband refuses to meet dd15s boyfriend

[Indoorvoicesbluey]

Dd15 and DH are best friends, like they do everything together, Starbucks - Shopping - pamper days etc.

dd15 has never really been interested in boys, she’s been too busy with her horse and school etc.

Shes met a boy. They went primary and then separate secondary schools and then added each other on snap. He lives in the same town as us.

DH refuses to discus it. He goes in a foul mood and is just horrible.

iv met him and he’s so lovely. Like an ideal first boyfriend. He works, is at college, doesn’t smoke or drink, just a good boy who is polite and lovely. They get on so well and the personalities match.

DH won’t meet him. Says there’s absolutely no point because they aren’t getting married. I’m fuming about it tbh because I think it’s rude and he’s pushing dd away. She went for dinner at his and met his mum today.

I don’t know what to do :( I think if they are stilll together come winter it would be better for them to come here then sit in the dog park like they have been! (Although they have been out to places like the cinema etc too). He said if he’s here when he comes home he would kick him out.

iv told him he’s being pathetic.

Wtf do I do?

The BF sounds more mature then your husband.

My own DS 14 had a girlfriend until recently. She came to our home and visited the same as his male friends do.
She had tea, takeaways, cinema trips same as they do.

No they probably won't be together forever but by making anyone unwelcome he is pushing your daughter away.

He seems jealous to be honest which is ridiculous as an adult

Is he jealous. Sounds very strange!he's not ready for his little girl to grow up!

This immediately strikes me as emotional incest; though I'm sure that's not what you want to hear, but undoubtedly already know. And that's why you're here

It smacks slightly of the whole American “Daddy daughter date”, purity ring, nobody’s good enough for my daughter thing. Icky.

This 🤢

Feel really sorry for your DD seemingly having a really good close relationship with her dad then having to see him acting like this, will 100% do a lot of damage and push her away.

Hold on how are pamper days an ick? Literally doing a face mask and watching a film.

DD used to self harm, she is a huge home bird and never wanted to go out so doing things like this with both of us was her relaxation.

but I agree with everything else, it’s giving me the rage.

To me it seems a bit weird. Sorry.
You dh needs to accept your daughter is growing up.

Maybe he thinks they are too young to be in a relationship and therefore doesn’t want to encourage it. My parents would have been the same but clearly parents have become more liberal these days. I don’t understand why people assume the father is “jealous”.

Is he perhaps judging the boy going on his own behaviours as a 16yr old boy?.

I agree with PP it's not healthy because he's treating your daughter as a possession which is deeply misogynistic. If he really cared he'd want to get to know this boy to make sure he wasn't an arsehole and so that he could guide and support your daughter in her first relationship.

I'd tell him you are inviting the boy for dinner and if he cannot behave like an adult then he doesn't need to attend.

I agree with this.

Your DD has serious MH issues, to the extent that she self harms. Now your DH wants to “throw her boyfriend out of the house?”

Is there something wrong here? Why does DH think he gets to dictate everything? I’m not sure I could get over this. It’s weird as fuck.

I agree!

He sounds jealous that there is now another man in his DD’s life. If he can’t get over that then that is at best ridiculous, at worse creepy

Yes I agree. Would he refuse to meet her friends as they might not still be friends on adulthood? Of course not

Why? What on earth is wrong with a 15 year old going out with a 16 year old?

Read my previous more updated post

I don't think it's the pamper days that are giving people the ick. It's more how controlling your DH is being.
It is hard sometimes to accept your children are growing up and entering into the adult world and everything that comes with that but your DH reaction sounds pretty extreme. Let your DD boyfriend come for dinner and tell DH he isn't welcome unless he grows up.

DH won’t meet him. Says there’s absolutely no point because they aren’t getting married

What on earth has whether they are getting married got to do with it? I very much doubt that either your daughter or her friend are thinking in those terms. Is your husband seriously saying that he will not meet any friend of hers unless there is a realistic prospect of them getting married? That's just bonkers.

I understand why you’re finding it so frustrating, he’s going to push his dd away.

I think it’s lovely they have such a close relationship but he’s finding it hard maybe not being the main man in her life. He’s finding it a big adjustment to realise she’s growing up and not just his little girl.

My dad didn’t want to meet my first boyfriend. He said as sour faced and didn’t like him. As an adult I fully understand why he didn’t give my boyfriend the time of day but as a teenager it annoyed me and it caused some arguments.

I know you’ve tried a serious talk with him but now I think you need to say you’re inviting the boyfriend over for dinner and he needs to be polite for his dds sake. Point out how much he’s already missing out and that your dd will end up spending most of her time at the boyfriends house.

Iv just had a small talk with dh.

dh is suffering with mh the last couple of months so probably has used dd as an emotional escape goat. He agrees it’s stupid how he’s reacting. He said he’s just fed up of hearing about him (dd does non stop talk about him lol). He’s agreed to meet him in a couple of week.

Escape goat.

🤣🤣🤣 🐐

Sorry, op, I laughed out loud.

(It's scapegoat, in case that wasn't a typo, and it's my favourite eggcorn)

I'm very happy he's agreed to meet him. Don't let him back out. He needs to firmly get a grip about this.

Sounds like your husband is seriously jealous of this boyfriend.

Not good.

He is being incredibly unreasonable and will alienate her if he continues being weird about her new boyfriend.

How long have they been together?

I have experienced this from the other side.
My mum met someone and after a short while was asking me to meet him.
I felt there was no point as they’d not been together long.
It caused a huge rift between us (they’ve broken up now).

Just tell DH that you understand why he feels the way he does (even if you don’t) but that as it’s her first bf she needs him there to be her support and to speak to him if ever she has a problem with this boy or any others.

My DD is similar to yours and very vulnerable.
She’s not been ready to date properly before and now that she’s met someone it made me feel really uncomfortable but I don’t know why.
I guess it’s something all/most parents go through but as a PP said he’s at risk of pushing her away if he makes it known.

That's good.

It can be tough when one's DC gets their first BF/GF, but at least your husband has agreed to meet up.

I think dads in particular are protective of their daughters as {To quote my own dad} ''We know what men are like''.

I am so glad to read this update, @Indoorvoicesbluey ! By just meeting him, DH will do a lot to keep his good relationship with DD (and the general atmosphere in your home).

Sorry op but I think this sounds very strange. Either misogynistic or inappropriate.

The last comment about being sick of hearing about him sounds like jealousy and the 'mh issue' sounds suspicious