To not think I’m doing anything wrong here?

[Wherethecrawdadssingg]

Work in an office role for a busy company. Lots of phone calls and emails between departments. Apparently I have a reputation for being short on the phone i.e. straight to the point, no ‘how are you’, and that I don’t say goodbye. This wasn’t brought up in a formal way, more as a laugh actually.

Truth is, I hate chit chat, with the amount of phone calls I do I can’t bear chit chatting every single time. I’d get nothing done! I tend to just say ‘Hi, (hi) please can you send that me that document when you get chance? (Yeah sure) Great thanks.’ Conversation done.

I am often stressed as role is demanding. I can’t help but think that people don’t like it especially when it comes from a woman because we’re supposed to be nice and kind and polite all the time. Don’t know if it makes a difference that I’m younger (should I be sweetness and all things nice?).

TBH I think that some of my colleagues could really do with being a bit more efficient and less chit chatty!

I’m also in a management role so don’t know if that makes a difference.

I have plenty of friends at work and always get invited to events etc.

Just wondered what others thought/their experiences?

When you listen to other people on the phone what do they do differently? Every organisation has its own culture and it does no harm to try and go along with it if it oils the wheels.

My mum was blocked from promotion at work (civil service) three times because of her lack of small talk on the phone. They sent her on negotiating courses but she never really got the hint to get forward she'd have to do the whole greasy pole stuff. I don't think some work environments actually want the work done efficiently, no.

@AnneLovesGilbert They chat for half an hour about their family, weekend and what so and so did last week. I don’t have half an hour!

Half an hour? Really? Amazed your office is still in business if this happens on most phone calls.

Are they managing to get as much done as you do, or are you an overperformer?

I do think that a quick hi how are you good thanks you yeah not bad what can I do for you? Isn't that much of an ask.

YABU for not saying goodbye. That’s rude.

I wouldn’t chat for half an hour but it’s the social norm to say something before launching into the purpose of the call!

Even just a quick, “Hi, how’s your day going? Or “Hi, it’s crawdad from accounts, sorry to interrupt your day, am sure you’re as busy as me! Is now a good time to talk to you about XYZ?”

I do think that a quick hi how are you good thanks you yeah not bad what can I do for you? Isn't that much of an ask

But what does this achieve? You're not actually asking how you are and it's not the done thing to actually tell them, you're just using far more words than necessary to say 'Hi'?

I'm on the fence a bit.
I agree it's more efficient to just get the basics of the call over with.

One of my DDs, mid 20s, works for a very large company with a lot of similar aged colleagues and when she works form home (and takes and makes loads of calls from her spot in the living room) i'm always a bit amused at the amount of hellllooooos and how are yooooous and i'm goooooooods and yeah just chillin's and what'cha doinnnnnns ect ect ect which go on at the beginning of EVERY internal call It takes up so much time!

I'm afraid it wouldn't be for me. But i suppose you have to bend to the general tone of the work place a bit ......

YANBU, no one would say a god damn thing about it if you were a man.

‘Hi, (hi) please can you send that me that document when you get chance? (Yeah sure) Great thanks.’ is the kind of thing I'd stick in a Teams chat rather than picking up the phone. Is that an option?

I don't mind chit chat when I'm not busy (and not saying goodbye is a bit rude), but sometimes you just need to get things done.

Are you definitely not exaggerating there because that seems excessive.

You have had the feedback, people find you are short with them, it is up to you what you do with that feedback

@Flickersy You’re not far off!

@Conkersinautumn That’s really interesting about your Mum. I’m sure was very efficient. Thanks for that.

You don’t have to chat for half an hour but a quick how are you and a proper goodbye only adds on an extra minute.

You're not being unreasonable for not small talking but surely saying goodbye on a call is basic manners. Your example conversation sounded so abrupt and rude. I don't think it's much to ask just to be a little more pleasant and end your conversation with thanks for that, goodbye.

I can be like this and I am conscious I can come across a little bit rude at times but like you I don’t want to do small
talk. I don’t mind chatting to those I’ve known a long time and closer to but I just want to get the job done.

Saying goodbye is hardly chit chat, just manners.

Oh god OP I’m like you. I used to work somewhere where small talk was the norm (10-20 min at the start of every single meeting or call, every email begun with “I hope you are well” etc) and it drove me potty.

Before that I’d worked somewhere rather more fast paced where none of this was the norm and it was much more me! On the other hand it was much less flexible, family friendly etc. The (IMO) faffing seemed to go hand in hand with the emphasis on being a lovely workplace.

I think you have to decide whether you can adapt a little, or if you can’t then perhaps seek a more like minded environment… but bear in mind it may have other downsides.

@TheBeesKnee definitely not an overperformer but I’m very good at what I do.

@BarbaraofSeville spot on! Do you actually care how I am? Doubt it. I don’t really care how you are. I just want to get the task done.

You’ve had the feedback so it’s worth thinking about and finding a way of communicating that works for everyone.

It can also help to think about the person on the other end of the call. If you’re ringing to ask them to do something, you’ve just interrupted their flow and potentially required them to rearrange their workflow. A bit of chat might help to smooth that transition.

@minipie youre right about reputation for being a lovely workplace. So bloody soft here about everything it drives me potty.

@Throwawayme genuinely how is it abrupt and rude?

@Laiste Yes! The hiiiii how are youuuuu. Did you have a nice weekend etc. Same with emails always being punctuated with kind requests. IMO no men are like this at work. It’s always the expectation on women.

Do you ever call a friend or relative outside work? Do you not say hello or goodbye then? Would you think that was rude?

Yeah I think it’s ignorant to be honest. There is a big difference between a half hour chat and making 10 seconds of pleasantries. Hi Claire, how are you? Not spoken since that conference. Yeah I’m good thanks, crap weather though, took me an hour to get in. Anyway would you mind sending me the report on XYZ? Fab, thanks, Bye.

Not saying goodbye seems really abrupt. Maybe you’d be less stressed if you chilled out a bit. No one is too busy to say goodbye at the end of the phone call.

Saying "goodbye" is hardly 'chit chat' though. I do think people who just hang up without saying "bye" come across as abrupt.