To not think I’m doing anything wrong here?

[Wherethecrawdadssingg]

Work in an office role for a busy company. Lots of phone calls and emails between departments. Apparently I have a reputation for being short on the phone i.e. straight to the point, no ‘how are you’, and that I don’t say goodbye. This wasn’t brought up in a formal way, more as a laugh actually.

Truth is, I hate chit chat, with the amount of phone calls I do I can’t bear chit chatting every single time. I’d get nothing done! I tend to just say ‘Hi, (hi) please can you send that me that document when you get chance? (Yeah sure) Great thanks.’ Conversation done.

I am often stressed as role is demanding. I can’t help but think that people don’t like it especially when it comes from a woman because we’re supposed to be nice and kind and polite all the time. Don’t know if it makes a difference that I’m younger (should I be sweetness and all things nice?).

TBH I think that some of my colleagues could really do with being a bit more efficient and less chit chatty!

I’m also in a management role so don’t know if that makes a difference.

I have plenty of friends at work and always get invited to events etc.

Just wondered what others thought/their experiences?

Topping and tailing a request with a bit of small talk should be enough to negate the negative feedback.

This.

I just have the same brief "script" I use with everyone and then I might change it for people I know better depending on the situation. But the basics stay the same and it's just as much a habit as, say, knowing to dial 9 for an outside line or anything else involved in making a phone call.

I just see it as part of the process of calling someone and part of what I'm being paid to do (via the fact that most employment contracts are contingent on satisfactory appraisals and this kind of thing is often raised in appraisals as an area for improvement when people are considered abrupt). Yes, it may seem mad that they would pay me to be nice to people at the expense of efficiency, but if that's how they want to spend their money, then that's up to them. I can play along for the pay check.

Thanks all it’s been a really helpful thread and good to hear different sides of it!

Not saying ‘hi, how are you?’ Or ‘hello, it’s crawdad from bla’ and waiting a second for a response, and not saying ‘thanks, bye’ is clearly not more efficient - I’m sure if you launch straight into a request people must often have to ask you to repeat yourself, the fact people have told you it is rude means they’ll be less likely to want to do whatever you’re requesting soon and well, and I wouldn’t be surprised if some people avoid answering calls from you. It’s obvious that following a short expected conversation format is more efficient, both for that conversation and for general workflow. So this isn’t about efficiency, it’s about identity or power. Do you want people to think you’re a very driven but eccentric maverick, or do you want them to think you consider yourself too important to treat them with courtesy while making requests? I think you are being disingenuous about your motivations for this behaviour.

Sounds like you're a task orientated person working in a people orientated environment. I'm similar and would get irritated by colleagues wasting so much time.

@BatildaB I don’t particularly mind either way whether people like or dislike me, in all areas of life not just work. I’ve never much been bothered about that, even from young. I definitely don’t launch straight into requests. If they avoid my
calls then that’s life I suppose. The task will still need to get done eventually by them.

@caringcarer I have wondered this! I do think I’m more task focused than people focused like you say.

The world needs more people like you OP!

Hi and bye are fine, the rest is just aaaaarrrrgggghhhhhh!

My favourite manager in the whole world feels the same about gibber jabber. We would have god awful team catch up meetings which would go on until the janitor came to lock up given half a chance. When it was just the 2 of us (about every 6 weeks) we’d crash through the bullet points and sit and work in silence for the rest of the hour.
it was noted in his CPD that he needed to develop more personal relationships with his underlings which meant he asked opened ended questions and they they told him what he wanted to hear. Rather came to a head when 2 team members were having an affair and were outed by a third and I somehow missed it cause I was working rather than making small talk. Was given serious stink eye by HR when I said honestly I had no idea they’d been to the same places every weekend and ate together every lunchtime cause that was part of my job.

I don’t want to upset people and it isn’t my intention. I just genuinely don’t have time for it. I find it tedious and boring

You do have time for it, you just can't be arsed with it because you don't think it's important.

You're like my manager, zero emotional intelligence. You just treat people like robots thats how its come across. In fact it is quite dehumanising in a way.

Noone comes to work for the fun of it, we only work to earn money cos most of us wouldn't do it otemherwise. So these small little pleasantries make going to work that little bit nicer. It doesn't cost you anything it really doesn't (a mere few seconds) if you framed it right.

You say u don't care then why start a thread about feedback you got, it is obviously bothering you but you don't seem like you're willing to change. How much time have you wasted on this thread about something you say you dont care about...bit odd isn't it.

@Spectre8 I do care in terms of interested to hear people’s thoughts yes! That’s what I said way back at the start.

@andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow I don’t have time on the phone. If people want to come to my desk and chat once things have quietened down then please do! We have great chats in my office team. Also can’t be arsed too!

@Doormatnomore Enjoyed that story!

I would be offended if someone didnt say hello and goodbye. That is rude and unprofessional.

@Strictlyfanoftenyears I always say hello. Not always goodbye though.

I don’t have time on the phone. If people want to come to my desk and chat once things have quietened down then please do!

Nobody's so busy that they can't stay on the phone for an extra two seconds to say goodbye

@andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow do a day in my team you may disagree!

I don't really understand why you have to do all these super quick conversations by phone though? I've worked in large global organisations and as a rule, if you just want someone to send over a report, you send an email. The phone is generally to discuss something and is a way to build relationships.

So I might send an email saying, "Hi Mary, can you please send me the latest report on lip balm sales figures ahead of the meeting on Thursday, thanks, Ginger". The only reason I'd ring her would be if it was urgent or if there was more to discuss - eg if the report needed to be edited/ formatted differently. And then part of the reason to call is to persuade her to make the changes and/or do it all a lot faster. In which case, a polite call is bette.r

Also, there's a big difference between not wanting to chit chat and being rude. I'm not particularly chit chatty when I'm focused and busy, but I can say hello and goodbye.

@GingerIsBest Phone is the primary method we use across the company and because of the industry and role there’s often need for quick answers. It’s exhausting and I won’t do it forever. Wears you out.

You're absolutely right OP. If you were a man, they would be praising you for your no nonsense and efficient manner.

Everyone else seems to manage it 😏

I absolutely guarantee that if a man never said goodbye on the phone, just put it down abruptly he would be considered every bit as rude.

I understand what you are saying about the long chats etc but you wouldn’t barge into someone’s house without being cordial even if it’s hi how are you or leave without saying goodbye so why would you do it in a phone call?

I too have a v busy post but then say things like ‘right I know we are both busy so…’ or I know you are time poor so…’ and then we crack on. Problem solved and off we both go.

I think a hi, how are you at the start of the call is good, if you speak to them more frequently through the day the. You don’t need to ask how are you again imo. A bye though, I couldn’t get past you not saying bye, that’s super rude for me. In films when people do that I always think ‘who on earth are they basing it on, it’s so unrealistic’ but it’s you op!! 🤣🤣

For me it’s about knowing when the chat is appropriate and useful. I know I’ll get more from some team members if I engage a bit and others (like me) aren’t as fussed with sharing details of weekend etc. We have a daily stand up for 30 mins each day, when I first joined we would use that full 30 mins even when the work stuff was complete- it blew my mind! We don’t do that anymore 🤣

I honestly wouldn’t want to ring you at work. A little bit of talk hi how are you “ what you need to talk about” thank you and a GOODBYE have a nice day/afternoon wouldn’t go a miss. God knows how you’ve not been complained about. I bet people hate ringing you.

I hate chitchat too, but am always polite and never abrupt. I think there’s a difference between asking about someone’s weekend / the weather / their plans for the week etc to ‘Hi it’s xxxx how you doing? Good to hear, just a quick one, could you send me x y z, ok brilliant, thanks bye bye’. Literally takes seconds.
Im a bit of an overthinker so if someone put the phone down without saying bye, or called and just called and said ‘send me xyz’ I would think they were either a bit rude, or they didn’t like me.

Exactly. It's just bad manners.

Nobody is too busy and important for good manners.

I know it’s the narrative to dislike men on here, but you couldn’t be further from the truth.
I’m a man and so far I’ve had 2 jobs (in two companies) where this has been raised as a ‘performance issue - I just don’t get the chit chat thing either.

Hate employers for these silly rules, but don’t hate men because of the false reasoning of ‘they can get away with anything’