To not think I’m doing anything wrong here?

[Wherethecrawdadssingg]

Work in an office role for a busy company. Lots of phone calls and emails between departments. Apparently I have a reputation for being short on the phone i.e. straight to the point, no ‘how are you’, and that I don’t say goodbye. This wasn’t brought up in a formal way, more as a laugh actually.

Truth is, I hate chit chat, with the amount of phone calls I do I can’t bear chit chatting every single time. I’d get nothing done! I tend to just say ‘Hi, (hi) please can you send that me that document when you get chance? (Yeah sure) Great thanks.’ Conversation done.

I am often stressed as role is demanding. I can’t help but think that people don’t like it especially when it comes from a woman because we’re supposed to be nice and kind and polite all the time. Don’t know if it makes a difference that I’m younger (should I be sweetness and all things nice?).

TBH I think that some of my colleagues could really do with being a bit more efficient and less chit chatty!

I’m also in a management role so don’t know if that makes a difference.

I have plenty of friends at work and always get invited to events etc.

Just wondered what others thought/their experiences?

@sorrynotathome no I don’t find it rude. Genuinely. I wouldn’t be offended. And I do say hello!

Why bother to say hello? Surely that’s just unnecessary chitchat?

You genuinely don't have time to add the word 'bye' onto the end of a call? Saying bye is basic good manners, nothing to do with small talk and it takes an extra second.

I’ve worked in very male dominated environments and they still chit chat and say goodbye.

Your responses say a lot - you struggle with constructive criticism and need to learn how to adapt to all social situations.

I'm not good at small talk, but saying bye isn't small talk, it takes half a second, and I think it's rude to not bother.

@MrsColinRobinson If I I struggled I wouldn’t ask for opinions on mumsnet 🙄

Not saying bye is what makes the whole interaction seem rude.

It hurts you in no way to add a single word at the end of the conversation

Men where I work are, like the women, polite, and demonstrate a little care for the time and feelings of the person to whom they are talking.

Phone calls interrupt people who are doing tasks, and that can make their tasks take longer. Do you ask if it’s convenient to talk, as you greet them? That would be polite and show respect for other people’s time, as well as your own. You aren’t the only one trying to get things done.

Do you ever need a favour, or something rushing through, to help you achieve something? Having a more friendly, less robotic relationship with colleagues is more likely to make them want to put themselves out to help you.

Not saying goodbye is abrupt and dismissive. You’ve got what you wanted, so you’re off. It doesn’t sound good to the recipient of your shortness.

Much work is about being a team player. A little overt consideration for other people’s time and feelings goes a long way. It’s clear that your lack in this direction has been noticed, which must mean it goes against the culture of the place in which you work. You should think about whether an extra thirty seconds on interactions is so detrimental to your efficiency that it’s worth your not responding to clear feedback. Performance is not just about what you do, but about how you do it.

I think it can be more about tone of voice than what is actually said. I tend to say the same type of thing as you but I keep my voice light and friendly. As far as I'm aware people don't think I'm short? Or maybe they do, who knows.

That is overwhelmingly the message you're sending though. So I guess you have to decide if you're ok with that, and if those higher up than you are too? It sounds like they're not.

If my manager spoke to me so curtly I'd think I was in some kind of trouble, and they'd feel quite unapproachable to me.

Oh and I do say bye.

@NotMadeOfStone higher up don’t care. Feedback wasn’t from them. Bigger fish to fry.

There is a middle ground between being rude and the hyperbolic half hour conversations.
polite and pleasant is ok
to the point without being abrupt and rude
and usually achieves far more
I tend to go the extra mile more easily for people that are just basically polite and decent to work with

Am with you. I can do chit chat but my ND husband would struggle and hate it.

I would go bananas if I was penalised at work for it - workplaces need to recognise ND folks would struggle. Chit chat is not a necessity in relationship building.

I have to say, i can hear the blokes on the end of the phone to DD doing all the same stuff tbh. as well as the women.

It's fascinating. Little snippets of their love lives, a bit of coded bitching and a quick run down of what they plan to have for lunch 😂

It's really hard not to listen ....

then the rest of the phone call is ''yeah anyway - so get Barry to order in a CXH1254-5000GT1 for me with the soft wheel set as an extra but without raising an extra charge invoice ....''

<snore>

@Wherethecrawdadssingg you’ve asked but aren’t acknowledging what people are saying.

At the very least you need to say goodbye. Put a post it on your screen to remind you of you must.

But I get the vibe that you don't actually want to look at what your doing or modify your behaviour

All my male managers say how are you on the first call of the day. Subsequent calls are usually started with me again. All end with goodbye. Man or woman would be thought of as at best abrupt or more usually rude otherwise.

Ok, so it's from your peers or direct reports then? I'd think on what kind of culture you're creating as a manager tbh. I wouldn't want anyone on my team who can't even fake 20 seconds of interest in their colleagues.

@EbiRaisukaree yes I do ask if they’ve time to talk as people are often busy. Wouldn’t say it’s affected people rushing things through. We all do for each other as we understand it’s necessary.

I made several other points in my post. Did you have any response to them?

@Twizbe what makes you think I’m not acknowledging it? I’m taking all on board and have responded to lots of comments.

@Hobnobswantshernameback I wanted a general consensus. I’ve never worked anywhere where men do chit chat. It feels like they don’t like it because im
a woman.

@EbiRaisukaree read it all. Didn’t feel like I had to respond to everything

Humans are gregarious animals. This kind of exchange is social pinging.

I am also not a fan but it shows willingness to bond; sometimes the answer will be "not great actually, I have this migraine/Sue has resigned..." Which opens the door for deeper connections.