Page 12 | Husband says I’ve signed over the house to him without me knowing

SparklyShoesandTutus · 30/08/2023 19:46

InternetSafe · 30/08/2023 09:31

Thank you. I’m ok. My husband has always had a weird sense of humour and it seems to be getting worse lately as he has a couple of health concerns which is also effecting him mentally. Rather than being typically depressed, it’s made him more sarcastic and what he calls ‘jovial’, normally this is not a problem as I know him so well, but I was second guessing lately as maybe I’m not in a great place myself.

I did sit him down and he said ‘do you ever think I would do anything like that? You are the most important person in my life and I love you more than anything’. This did make me feel better, but he can’t seem to get past this sarcasm and ‘jokes’.

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OP sounds like you both have a lot going on. It sounds like your DH os trying to deal woth some of his anxiety (which he may not even be in a place to acknowledge) with a misguided sense of humour.
Health issues can offer trigger a range of fears that people find hard to verbalise let alone discuss with loved ones.
Can you both take some time to spend together and possibly talk about the things that have been going on. Sometimes working on being able to talk about our fears can have positive impact moving forwards. Take care xx

Sudoku88 · 30/08/2023 19:47

Aquamarine1029 · 29/08/2023 13:15

Why are you still married to this insufferable prick?

Exactly. Can’t understand why you allow yourself to be treated like this.

How can you relax and trust a man like that? It’s like you’ve got to be watching your back all the time. What a way to live!!

gottogonow · 30/08/2023 19:49

Hello OP, I hope you are feeling okay and glad the situation is resolved. This does seem to be a common coping mechanism when “jokes” are used by a partner to help them feel they are coping, when actually they are struggling. He clearly loves you very much and I wish you both all the best. Sometimes banter goes too far but that’s part of love & life and sounds like you are working through it.

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 30/08/2023 20:05

Put some divorce papers in front of him and see if he signs without reading them!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/08/2023 20:26

InternetSafe · 30/08/2023 09:31

Thank you. I’m ok. My husband has always had a weird sense of humour and it seems to be getting worse lately as he has a couple of health concerns which is also effecting him mentally. Rather than being typically depressed, it’s made him more sarcastic and what he calls ‘jovial’, normally this is not a problem as I know him so well, but I was second guessing lately as maybe I’m not in a great place myself.

I did sit him down and he said ‘do you ever think I would do anything like that? You are the most important person in my life and I love you more than anything’. This did make me feel better, but he can’t seem to get past this sarcasm and ‘jokes’.

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I think he needs to be told that it doesn’t matter whether he would or would not actually do such a mean thing - what matters is that you find his ‘jokes’ hurtful and upsetting, and he needs to stop straight away.

I would be very blunt with him - I’d tell him that a joke is only a joke if everyone finds it funny, but his ‘jokes’ make you upset, anxious and unhappy, and that, now he knows that, if he carries on with his sarcastic and unfunny jokes, he will be hurting you on purpose.

momtoboys · 30/08/2023 20:55

InternetSafe · 30/08/2023 08:28

I was called into work unexpectedly which is why I haven’t posted. I realise I can check the deeds which I have now done. Thank you to the posters that were helpful providing some context and advice such as a witness will need to be present which I think is what I was looking for from this post.

I hope when you checked the deeds your name was on them. Best of luck to you.

JeSuisPetite · 30/08/2023 21:12

I will pay £3 to know what the deal is, this has been going on for two days, what are the details please? 😂

Jibo · 30/08/2023 21:23

It's not clear from your posts whether the house actually is in your name or not. Did you check? Also, did you cancel the cheque?

drinkuptheezider · 30/08/2023 21:27

I know somebody who did precisely that as a carefully planned, vindictive action.

It took legal actions to untangle what he did. His unsuspecting wife didn't even have an idea of what he was planning.
They had been together 40 years, and she trusted him implicitly. He had stripped out pension, and she lost the pension they had paid into for her. She had to negotiate to get assets split fairly through courts. She lost a lot financially and will never trust a man again.

Hidinginplainsightnow · 30/08/2023 22:01

He’s a bully. Does he also pull the wings off flies?

chubbychopsticks · 30/08/2023 22:22

Are you on the mortgage docs. If so don't think he can change the deeds.

Why would he even joke about this? I wouldn't trust him?

Copenhagengirls · 30/08/2023 23:06

What an absolute immature twat! Why are you married to him?

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/08/2023 07:54

Op said 8.55 yesterday (wed) that they haven't been changed

Dontworkmondays · 31/08/2023 11:11

He’s sounds like he’s just teasing you, don’t worry x

CrackedChina · 31/08/2023 12:35

He enjoys torturing you and making you worry. It's not ideal. This isn't 'joking' or just his 'sense of humour'.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 31/08/2023 13:18

Dontworkmondays · 31/08/2023 11:11

He’s sounds like he’s just teasing you, don’t worry x

I don't think 'teasing' is acceptable, when it is making the person being teased feel scared that she has signed away the rights to her house, @Dontworkmondays! It certainly doesn't sound as if the OP found the 'joke' funny at all - clearly it has really worried her.

Sennelier1 · 31/08/2023 22:17

You sound tired, maybe because you're not feeling well yourself or maybe because your husband's health troubles have affected you more than average. Maybe you both need a break, some time to put things in perspective. If you are worried your husband's "jokes" might lead him to do something stupid you maybe want to build in some safety valves, like making sure he can't access important documents without you knowing. I wish you a quiet week-end and some rest.

Micefeelpain · 31/08/2023 22:34

Seaweed42 · 30/08/2023 10:31

I'd suspect this sarcasm and jokes is a pattern he learned in his family growing up. I mean, have you seen the series 'Succession'? 😬

He can be as 'jovial' as he likes, but notice when those jokes are aimed at unsettling you.

People do these things as a way to control their own feelings not yours.

When it happens again, don't refer to the content of what he said.
Instead, refer to the context of him asking.

For example:

He says 'ah ha, I bet you've probably forgotten to pay your car insurance!'

You'd normally say 'oh gosh I better check that, I'm sure I did!'

Instead now you calmly refer to the context "Hmm, I notice you are suggesting to me that I've forgotten to do something important. Why do you think you are bringing that up now?'

Just as he learned in his family to feel better about himself by teasing others, you possibly might have learned to pacify other people's feelings by keeping them 'happy' by matching their feelings.

That is, he's 'joking' so you have 'take the joke' and laugh it off as well. Because you don't want to change his mood because that'd be worse for you. Again that's something we learn as kids (especially women in relation to men's 'moods').

This is so interesting!!! I think I do this, 'take the joke' and sometimes I'm not sure I understand what the 'joke' is but I'm gaily laughing along. I hate this about myself 😞 but as you say, it's how I was brought up to always monitor the moods of those around me and try to make sure that nobody is cross with me.

Apols for derail, OP.

LJ125 · 01/09/2023 00:15

If you were to get divorced, the family home is considered matrimonial property and the starting point is an equal division between you so, from a future divorce perspective, it doesn’t make any difference whose name it is in. However, I would check the deeds immediately because he could have done something such as secure debt against the property without you knowing if he has somehow transferred it into his sole name. As others have said, a simple check with the Land Registry online should give you your answer.

GrannyRose15 · 01/09/2023 00:27

InternetSafe · 30/08/2023 09:31

Thank you. I’m ok. My husband has always had a weird sense of humour and it seems to be getting worse lately as he has a couple of health concerns which is also effecting him mentally. Rather than being typically depressed, it’s made him more sarcastic and what he calls ‘jovial’, normally this is not a problem as I know him so well, but I was second guessing lately as maybe I’m not in a great place myself.

I did sit him down and he said ‘do you ever think I would do anything like that? You are the most important person in my life and I love you more than anything’. This did make me feel better, but he can’t seem to get past this sarcasm and ‘jokes’.

Show quote history

Has it occurred to you that this change in his behaviour might be a sign that he is ill? Perhaps get advice from a doctor if you can.

VeraMay · 02/09/2023 05:35

You need to see the deeds and also a solicitor.

CalMeKate · 02/09/2023 11:22

InternetSafe · 29/08/2023 13:14

My husband often jokes that he has tricked me into signing the house over to him. He has said it for years. It’s really tedious but last night he said it again and added ‘check the deeds’. We paid off our home about 10 years ago and it is quite a valuable property for our area.

There have been occasions when I am busy working and he has put papers in front of me and asked me to sign so he can get them in the post (mainly to do with correspondence to our accountant for example).

But this is not possible surely? I mean as a married couple I am entitled to half anyway aren’t I? He is playing mind games with me and I’m not sure what to believe anymore

It is a martial asset. You don’t need to be on the deed or the mortgage to be entitled to 50%.

Why does he make this joke? It’s clearly not funny.

Xenia · 02/09/2023 18:58

Bit of a cliff hanger for her to say she has checked the title now (but does not tell us in whose name the title is registered)!

category12 · 02/09/2023 19:30

She did say: "No they haven't been changed" 30/08/2023 08:55

Stand down everyone, she has checked the deeds, she has checked the deeds.

GrumpyUngulate · 03/03/2024 10:24

Oooops - I'm replying to a resolved, old question. Doh!

This really isn't funny, is it? I think you should consult a solicitor, instruct them to clarify ownership of the home. I know this can be done more cheaply via online Land Registry, but a professional lawyer's advice is more reassuring that DIY research. And if the lawyer misses something, his liability insurance will protect you. It shouldn't cost more than a couple of hundred to check thoroughly and have that security & peace of mind. If it has been transferred without your knowledge or consent, of course commence immediate legal action to rectify that.