Husband says I’ve signed over the house to him without me knowing

[InternetSafe]

My husband often jokes that he has tricked me into signing the house over to him. He has said it for years. It’s really tedious but last night he said it again and added ‘check the deeds’. We paid off our home about 10 years ago and it is quite a valuable property for our area.

There have been occasions when I am busy working and he has put papers in front of me and asked me to sign so he can get them in the post (mainly to do with correspondence to our accountant for example).

But this is not possible surely? I mean as a married couple I am entitled to half anyway aren’t I? He is playing mind games with me and I’m not sure what to believe anymore

Check land registry

"he can’t seem to get past this sarcasm and ‘jokes’"

I think you need to tell him that you can't get past them either. It stops and he treats you with respect, or that behaviour will end the relationship.

It's okay to have standards.

@Xiaoxiong that's interesting. Can I ask do the owners of a house know that you are monitoring it please?? I have an elderly Dad & a half brother & SIL who are determined he doesnt make a will as they want the house to pass to their Dd & I'd like to be able to see if anything changes re the house. But I'd not want my Dad to know I was 'watching' it whilst he is still alive as that might upset him.

OP, in your shoes I'd check the Deeds asap!
If it's a 'joke' its a mean one. I'd tell him 'no more' or you will consider leaving someone who thinks it's funny to joke about your security & long term prospects.

@54isanopendoor I don't know actually but worth sending them an email or giving them a ring to enquire?

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Did you say to him that these statement (not jokes) are very hurtful and are making you question if he does love you? If you love someone you don’t make comments you know will hurt them. Now he knows he should stop!

"Can I ask do the owners of a house know that you are monitoring it please??"

Anyone can check the Land Registry for a fee of £3.00 to establish in whose name a property is registered. You do not have to be the owner of the house and the owner is not informed.

I'm not an expert, but I think if you transfer an interest in a property, your signature needs to be witnessed by someone who is not a party to the transaction and who is independent.

Perhaps this is your H's idea of a joke? I have to say I wouldn't find it very funny but we are al different.

@Xiaoxiong Yes it's to contact them directly, thxs for contact info x
(sorry, I was thinking out loud as I typed I think!)

"OP, in your shoes I'd check the Deeds asap!"

If there is a mortgage on the property, the home owner won't be holding the deeds. OP can check the Land Registry online for £3.00.

I hope she will do it today.

I'd suspect this sarcasm and jokes is a pattern he learned in his family growing up. I mean, have you seen the series 'Succession'? 😬

He can be as 'jovial' as he likes, but notice when those jokes are aimed at unsettling you.

People do these things as a way to control their own feelings not yours.

When it happens again, don't refer to the content of what he said.
Instead, refer to the context of him asking.

For example:

He says 'ah ha, I bet you've probably forgotten to pay your car insurance!'

You'd normally say 'oh gosh I better check that, I'm sure I did!'

Instead now you calmly refer to the context "Hmm, I notice you are suggesting to me that I've forgotten to do something important. Why do you think you are bringing that up now?'

Just as he learned in his family to feel better about himself by teasing others, you possibly might have learned to pacify other people's feelings by keeping them 'happy' by matching their feelings.

That is, he's 'joking' so you have 'take the joke' and laugh it off as well. Because you don't want to change his mood because that'd be worse for you. Again that's something we learn as kids (especially women in relation to men's 'moods').

It does sound as though he is feeling 'not right' about himself and it is leaking out in this horrible pointless behaviour. I'd be asking him to get a bit of help to understand why he's doing it and how to be able to stop. Because him carrying on doing this is not acceptable at all .

What help is he getting for his condition OP?
I think you need to continue to call him out every single time he says hurtful things to you. I wish you both well .

Contact land registry and apply to have your name added to the deeds as a married couple it’s joint unless he has children from another marriage and a will leaving them the full house I would green legal advice and get your assets covered along with a will to protect and children you have as an example I worked in care in the 90s an old man died and left his house to is sister not his wife or her child caused years of probate as the wife had paid the lion share of mortgage and upkeep

It's nice that you had a positive talk with him and I hope that makes you feel better. Regarding your concerns about his mental health, I agree with ValerieD that you should encourage him to get some help for it.

On another note. I think its time to get control of financial planning, you live as a couple, so this is something that should be shared openly as a couple.

E.g. go through the files. put the bills on line with reminders for annual renewals so you know you are keeping up with payments. So that your finances and assets are organised and open to both of you. Don't make a big deal of it in a way that will draw further worrying jokes or comments. Just treat it as a matter of fact chore.

You will need this anyway and I really think people need to go see financial advisors and get their finances running smoothly as they get older (not that I'm suggesting you are old) but in the current climate with so many uncertainties, its something I wish I had done earlier as time catches up with one, particularly since lockdown. Scan in important docs online so you don't lose them.

Be well versed in your financial information. That way I think you could take some of the worries and uncertainties out of the equation. Particularly for something as big and important as your actual home and future!

The way you sat him down and talked to him about this was a really good step forward.

That’s a fucked up conversation. I’d be doing some digging in the family financials.

My husband often jokes that he has tricked me into signing the house over to him. He has said it for years.

So he's been saying it for years and now you've just decided it's bothering you?

You need to give your head a wobble.

When you've done that, take the advice of others and check with the Land Registry.

And stop singing stuff before you read it.

OP DOESN'T NEED TO BE TOLD TO CHECK THE DEEDS. SHE'S DONE IT.

Sorry to shout but this is getting quite silly.

I looked and it's £25.00 - am I looking in the wrong place?

@InternetSafe a friends husband did exactly that. She had unwittingly signed papers to remortgage the house. Done in the same way you have described.

This was the tip of the iceberg though. By the time she found out, there was no money or valuables left. The house she thought was now mortgage free, was in fact mortgaged to the hilt. She divorced him and is now, 30 years after first buying the house, paying off the mortgage from scratch...

And yes, as a married wife you have legal rights even if your name isn't on the deeds. You need to get a charge put on the house though, just in case!

That’s good news. You can set up an alert on the property that would notify you of any activity such s your husband trying to sell it, remortgage it or change ownership.
https://www.gov.uk/guidance/property-alert

I would worry about being married to a man who likes to play these sort of mind games. He sounds totally twisted.

@InternetSafe

I'm glad the deeds are ok.

Listen, when DH and I were first married he was wont to crack his little 'jokes' along those sort of lines: we're overdrawn, the car needs a new engine, a tree fell on the gazebo. Fucking stupid stuff that was meant to get my goat and send me into a tiz. Why some people think that shit's funny is beyond me. I told him more than once I didn't think it was nice or funny. I finally said "Listen buster, I have a finite tolerance for your 'jokes'. At some point you will do this one too many times and I will be out of here. The problem is that I don't know when that 'one too many' will be. If that's a gamble you want to take, crack on. Otherwise, cut that shit out now before it's too late". It actually worked, 35 years on he still remembers that conversation. I'm not saying it's something you should do, but maybe something to consider.

The other thing is stop signing papers you haven't read. Not because it's a frankly foolish thing to do but because it will also show him that you have taken his words about changing the deeds are no joke to you and are affecting your trust in him. Tell him "Put the papers down here, I'll sign them after I've had a chance to read them carefully".

I worked for the US Govt in close contact with the US IRS. There was a case I was involved in where the wife was an officer in her husband's business. Just 'on paper', she really didn't know or do anything for the business. But she signed the tax returns he put in front of her every year without reading them. He was committing major tax fraud and because she signed those returns she was implicated in his fraud. No amount of 'But I didn't know!' did any good. She served 6 months in prison and now has a felony conviction. She lost her home and her assets All because she didn't take the time to read the documents before signing.

"I looked and it's £25.00 - am I looking in the wrong place?"

There are several companies that charge a premium price for looking at the Land Registry on your behalf. Avoid these.

The fee is £3:00 on the official Land Registry site.

https://www.gov.uk/government/organisations/land-registry