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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she's in big trouble

297 replies

skatermom · 29/08/2023 06:45

My 14 year old daughter went out into town with her friend yesterday afternoon being bank holiday Monday. We live in a small village and she walks everywhere mostly. This time, they decided to get on the train and thought she would buy a ticket on the train. Her friend has a season ticket due to taking a train for school.
Well, the train conductor gave her a penalty notice for £50 and that a letter will be sent to her address as to what to do.

The problem is that she said she was not about to give her name and address to a stranger so she gave them a false name AND address!
So we will never receive said letter!
I've been so worried because I know it's an offence to not have a ticket but a worse one to give false details. I'm sure it's a criminal offence!
I'm so worried that she'll be on a CCTV somewhere or a 'wanted' ad placed out for her. I haven't slept all night thinking about this.

What would you do? Will they come find her?
Am I unreasonable to think she will be in big trouble with this?

OP posts:
Abouttimemum · 29/08/2023 14:56

Bit harsh to not just let her buy a ticket on the train tbh. I’ve done that plenty. I’m sure the official is well aware she gave false details, they’re not stupid.

behonesthun · 29/08/2023 15:01

I've done it as teen, nothing happens. Learnt my lesson and paid every time since for being pulled up and then worrying I was going to get found out. Just tell her not to do it again and forget about it

simonell · 29/08/2023 15:06

My friend did this when she was about 14 this was at least 25 years ago nothing happened and I don't think she's a wanted person.

CoteDOpale · 29/08/2023 15:13

Schmokin · 29/08/2023 07:11

Can’t remember the last time I went on a train that didn’t have a ticket barrier? Are you sure this is not a series of lies here OP.

Lol, what? Sheltered much! Most places I’ve lived, especially smaller towns, don’t have them. This is common.

Don’t be so rude to OP. This fucking site, I swear… 🙄

Original poster
skatermom · 29/08/2023 15:30

I asked DD again about the address details. She said when she gave the postcode, the officer punched it into his handheld device and said it didn't match. She said that's all she knew. He punched some more and gave her the fine slip.
I was very upset with her but now, just getting really sad about how she was treated out there. He could have showed her what to do or helped her. Looks like he really wanted to punish her.

About her knowledge of public transport, she is a bus expert. She knows almost every route and the must dos. With buses though, you don't need to buy a ticket before getting on, you buy it when you get in. I need to remind her of the difference.

I just spoke to a colleague that travels on the same line. She works 1 days a week and so always buys on the train. I don't know why my girl couldn't.
Thanks all.

OP posts:
Delatron · 29/08/2023 15:36

skatermom · 29/08/2023 15:30

I asked DD again about the address details. She said when she gave the postcode, the officer punched it into his handheld device and said it didn't match. She said that's all she knew. He punched some more and gave her the fine slip.
I was very upset with her but now, just getting really sad about how she was treated out there. He could have showed her what to do or helped her. Looks like he really wanted to punish her.

About her knowledge of public transport, she is a bus expert. She knows almost every route and the must dos. With buses though, you don't need to buy a ticket before getting on, you buy it when you get in. I need to remind her of the difference.

I just spoke to a colleague that travels on the same line. She works 1 days a week and so always buys on the train. I don't know why my girl couldn't.
Thanks all.

The fact that your colleague buys a ticket on the same route proves he was picking on your daughter.

DrSbaitso · 29/08/2023 15:43

So it sounds like it is normal to buy a ticket on the train on that route and the conductor is a prick who gets off on bullying young girls. What a big man.

Zebedee999 · 29/08/2023 15:45

Richmondgal · 29/08/2023 07:10

Disagree totally
she is being independent
that is great and when we start being independent we make mistakes and learn from them
great that she is doing that now rather than being molly coddled until she is a young adult

Show quote history

I can never understand when a child can be guided in a morally correct way, someone pipes up to condone a morally incorrect way. Mistakes are one thing, doing illegal things is another matter altogether. Needs nipping in the bud.

Delatron · 29/08/2023 15:53

Zebedee999 · 29/08/2023 15:45

I can never understand when a child can be guided in a morally correct way, someone pipes up to condone a morally incorrect way. Mistakes are one thing, doing illegal things is another matter altogether. Needs nipping in the bud.

Show quote history

So every person buying a ticket on the train including the OP’s colleague are ‘doing illegal things .’

It’s clearly not illegal as it happens every day on that particular train route. And many others. I often buy a ticket on the train.

Why are we downplaying bullying of a 14 year old girl? You’re the one with a dodgy moral compass if you think it’s ok that he picks on the young girls but lets everyone else buy a ticket on the train. And he threatened her with the police. Intimidating behaviour is now ok?

Layinwait · 29/08/2023 16:10

Delatron · 29/08/2023 15:53

So every person buying a ticket on the train including the OP’s colleague are ‘doing illegal things .’

It’s clearly not illegal as it happens every day on that particular train route. And many others. I often buy a ticket on the train.

Why are we downplaying bullying of a 14 year old girl? You’re the one with a dodgy moral compass if you think it’s ok that he picks on the young girls but lets everyone else buy a ticket on the train. And he threatened her with the police. Intimidating behaviour is now ok?

Show quote history

Giving false info is the illegal bit presume this PP was referring to

Layinwait · 29/08/2023 16:11

The OP’s daughter appears to be rather comfortable with telling lies

So I am a touch 🤔 about her version of events

Limth · 29/08/2023 16:16

I'm sorry that I haven't read the whole thread, OP.

I did this loads of times when I was a teenage - gave fake address for a train ticket fine. With the caveat that I'm talking 20 years ago, nothing ever came of any of them.

They don't know who she is, or where she lives - what can they do?
If she's not doing it regularly on the same line, I'd just move on and chalk it up to experience.

Tulipblank · 29/08/2023 16:25

Which train company was it?

DrSbaitso · 29/08/2023 16:36

Layinwait · 29/08/2023 16:11

The OP’s daughter appears to be rather comfortable with telling lies

So I am a touch 🤔 about her version of events

If she was that blasé then she wouldn't have told her mother about it at all. She'd have just counted on the lie working and lied again if it didn't.

And she's not the one who told OP about the acquaintance who always buys a ticket on the train on that route. OP knows that person.

Layinwait · 29/08/2023 17:11

DrSbaitso · 29/08/2023 16:36

If she was that blasé then she wouldn't have told her mother about it at all. She'd have just counted on the lie working and lied again if it didn't.

And she's not the one who told OP about the acquaintance who always buys a ticket on the train on that route. OP knows that person.

Show quote history

She told her mother because she was worried and pretty sure that the police were going to come-a-knocking when she realised that this lie was going to potentially land her in shit

Layinwait · 29/08/2023 17:12

the op says that she thinks her daughter did it because he was viewing it as a joke and copying Tik tik

I can just imagine this girl and her friends on the train. Music, messing around, being rude and lairy

DrSbaitso · 29/08/2023 18:05

Layinwait · 29/08/2023 17:12

the op says that she thinks her daughter did it because he was viewing it as a joke and copying Tik tik

I can just imagine this girl and her friends on the train. Music, messing around, being rude and lairy

And the prize for silliest, most baseless speculation goes to...

ELOU1111 · 29/08/2023 18:13

She could have bought it on her phone or on the train. Probably spent her train fare.

Layinwait · 29/08/2023 18:25

DrSbaitso · 29/08/2023 18:05

And the prize for silliest, most baseless speculation goes to...

Show quote history

A mother who thinks her DD lied to the police because she doesn’t take it seriously and was seeing it as a joke more than anything else?

I would wager I’m bang on the money

DrSbaitso · 29/08/2023 18:28

Layinwait · 29/08/2023 18:25

A mother who thinks her DD lied to the police because she doesn’t take it seriously and was seeing it as a joke more than anything else?

I would wager I’m bang on the money

Show quote history

I was talking about the scene you made up about the daughter playing music and being a nuisance, but I'll add an honourable mention for this latest nonsense. The fact you're now accusing OP of seeing it as a joke after her posts about it suggest you're either on a wind up or not even reading the story before making up rubbish about it.

Honourable mention either way, it takes chutzpah to talk such tosh whether it's intentional or not.

Layinwait · 29/08/2023 18:46

DrSbaitso · 29/08/2023 18:28

I was talking about the scene you made up about the daughter playing music and being a nuisance, but I'll add an honourable mention for this latest nonsense. The fact you're now accusing OP of seeing it as a joke after her posts about it suggest you're either on a wind up or not even reading the story before making up rubbish about it.

Honourable mention either way, it takes chutzpah to talk such tosh whether it's intentional or not.

Show quote history

yes I know

and a you teen girl lying to the police aAs bit of a joke because that’s what tik tokkers are doing - is likely to be one to piss around onatrain. Safe assumption I reckon

Layinwait · 29/08/2023 18:47

DrSbaitso · 29/08/2023 18:28

I was talking about the scene you made up about the daughter playing music and being a nuisance, but I'll add an honourable mention for this latest nonsense. The fact you're now accusing OP of seeing it as a joke after her posts about it suggest you're either on a wind up or not even reading the story before making up rubbish about it.

Honourable mention either way, it takes chutzpah to talk such tosh whether it's intentional or not.

Show quote history

The op doesn’t think it’s a joke

the op said she thinks her daughter lied to the police as a bit of a joke

Layinwait · 29/08/2023 18:47

Her coming up with a fake name was more not taking it seriously I think. They sometimes live in a silly tiktok / Nickelodeon type world where cheeky teens get away with little things and everyone laughs at the end

Layinwait · 29/08/2023 18:48

Giving the police false name and address is not classic “nickelodeon” 😂

DrSbaitso · 29/08/2023 18:51

Layinwait · 29/08/2023 18:47

The op doesn’t think it’s a joke

the op said she thinks her daughter lied to the police as a bit of a joke

Show quote history

Doesn't really tally with her confessing all in terror afterwards.

But let's not spoil a good made up stoy about loud music and anti social behaviour.