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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband toilet habits

47 replies

frus · 28/08/2023 22:29

My husband goes to the toilet about 6-10 times a day and for about 10-30 minutes each time.

It's sooooo annoying.

Anytime I want to ask for help with something, anytime I want to chat about something, on a morning before breakfast, after breakfast, when his food is on the table for dinner, after dinner, before we wind down for the evening together, before bed not to mention everything in between - he's in the toilet. Probably just read on his phone. Though he says he's doing his business but honestly this many times?

I know this is a habit he's had his whole life but it drives me crazy. I honestly feel so frustrated at it now. I feel like it's so inconsiderate because the house would chaos, the family wouldn't eat and nothing would get done if I took 20 minutes out several times a day.

I have tried to talk about it and he just shuts it down or Denys it. I feel so annoyed by it now and I don't know what to do.

AMIU?

OP posts:
ThePuma · 28/08/2023 22:30

LTB

Northernsouloldies · 28/08/2023 22:32

He's either hiding or he really needs to see a Dr.

vodkaredbullgirl · 28/08/2023 22:36

If he has been doing it his whole life, nothing is going to change.

Aaron95 · 28/08/2023 22:36

This is not normal. He either has a medical problem and should see a doctor or he is avoiding you.

Sigmama · 28/08/2023 22:37

Taking phones to the toilet is a v annoying and gross habit

Gardenerboo · 28/08/2023 22:39

My ex husband did this. Utterly ridiculous. He had terrible piles that he wouldn’t get treatment for, I ended up resenting him wasting time.

Grim.

Northernsouloldies · 28/08/2023 22:42

Sigmama · 28/08/2023 22:37

Taking phones to the toilet is a v annoying and gross habit

Totally agree, do what you got to do, wash up and leave. How anyone could sit with their own smell beats me.

Original poster
frus · 28/08/2023 22:42

Gardenerboo · 28/08/2023 22:39

My ex husband did this. Utterly ridiculous. He had terrible piles that he wouldn’t get treatment for, I ended up resenting him wasting time.

Grim.

I'm starting to resent him for it. But my mum says there could be worse habits?

OP posts:
rolo84 · 28/08/2023 22:44

He's probably sneaking off to watch porn ngl

zurala · 28/08/2023 22:45

frus · 28/08/2023 22:42

I'm starting to resent him for it. But my mum says there could be worse habits?

Show quote history

Well yes, there could be. Doesn't mean you have to put up with this though.

felisha54 · 28/08/2023 22:45

Has he always been like this? I don't think it's normal to go for number 2's this many times. I wee a lot, but I drink a lot of water but I'm in and out in 1 minute. Think he needs to see a doctor or you both need to see a counsellor.

Original poster
frus · 28/08/2023 22:45

If he wants to relax why go to a cold and not comfortable place with your ass out behind a locked door? He could just sit on the couch. I hate the dynamic of it all. I sit in the living room waiting for him to watch a show. I sometimes just watch a whole show before he joins me and the kids.

He's even rubbed this habit onto our son who also flies to the toilet for an hour at a time.

OP posts:
Gardenerboo · 28/08/2023 22:46

The fact he shuts you down when trying to discuss it (or anything) is a red flag. Sadly I lived through this for years. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.

Whitepaleness · 28/08/2023 22:47

frus · 28/08/2023 22:42

I'm starting to resent him for it. But my mum says there could be worse habits?

Show quote history

Yes doing crystal meth is worse than eating a family tub of celebrations but I wouldn’t advise eating 1000cal of chocolate a night either

TomatoSandwiches · 28/08/2023 22:49

He is checking out of family life and setting an awful example for his child/ren.
You can either allow it to continue or leave him to it and make a life you prefer without him.

Original poster
frus · 28/08/2023 22:49

felisha54 · 28/08/2023 22:45

Has he always been like this? I don't think it's normal to go for number 2's this many times. I wee a lot, but I drink a lot of water but I'm in and out in 1 minute. Think he needs to see a doctor or you both need to see a counsellor.

Yes it's really tough because I've also been worried about him thinking something is wrong as he goes soooo much and he does say he's having 2s but also he just takes his sweet time over 1s. Sits down and chills for 20 minutes during it.

OP posts:
MadamWhiteleigh · 28/08/2023 22:50

Could you ask him not to take his phone in with him? Make a deal - he doesn’t take his phone to the bathroom and you won’t harangue him about his toilet habits again. Everyone wins.

Letsgocamping67 · 28/08/2023 22:50

Can you ask if he will try a week without taking his phone with him and see if that improves matters. I couldn’t put up with this. He’s taking a break. Total pisstake.

Original poster
frus · 28/08/2023 22:50

TomatoSandwiches · 28/08/2023 22:49

He is checking out of family life and setting an awful example for his child/ren.
You can either allow it to continue or leave him to it and make a life you prefer without him.

Thank you - it does make me realise that I'm not mad and it is something to be pissed about. He just will not talk about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
frus · 28/08/2023 22:51

Gardenerboo · 28/08/2023 22:46

The fact he shuts you down when trying to discuss it (or anything) is a red flag. Sadly I lived through this for years. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.

Yes probably right but he just doesn't want to talk about it.

OP posts:
rolo84 · 28/08/2023 22:51

He doesn't want to talk about it because he is up to no good imo

Original poster
frus · 28/08/2023 22:52

Letsgocamping67 · 28/08/2023 22:50

Can you ask if he will try a week without taking his phone with him and see if that improves matters. I couldn’t put up with this. He’s taking a break. Total pisstake.

Really really great idea. But something tells me what he will say..

OP posts:
MadamWhiteleigh · 28/08/2023 22:52

He needs to see a doctor, that’s not normal

Original poster
frus · 28/08/2023 22:53

Letsgocamping67 · 28/08/2023 22:50

Can you ask if he will try a week without taking his phone with him and see if that improves matters. I couldn’t put up with this. He’s taking a break. Total pisstake.

I honestly wouldn't mind him taking a break but on the sofa with the kids. I will try this idea but I think I know what he will say.

OP posts:
Original poster
frus · 28/08/2023 22:54

ThePuma · 28/08/2023 22:30

LTB

Lolz 😂

OP posts: