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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband toilet habits

47 replies

frus · 28/08/2023 22:29

My husband goes to the toilet about 6-10 times a day and for about 10-30 minutes each time.

It's sooooo annoying.

Anytime I want to ask for help with something, anytime I want to chat about something, on a morning before breakfast, after breakfast, when his food is on the table for dinner, after dinner, before we wind down for the evening together, before bed not to mention everything in between - he's in the toilet. Probably just read on his phone. Though he says he's doing his business but honestly this many times?

I know this is a habit he's had his whole life but it drives me crazy. I honestly feel so frustrated at it now. I feel like it's so inconsiderate because the house would chaos, the family wouldn't eat and nothing would get done if I took 20 minutes out several times a day.

I have tried to talk about it and he just shuts it down or Denys it. I feel so annoyed by it now and I don't know what to do.

AMIU?

OP posts:
PoshPineapple · 28/08/2023 22:55

That's an average of around 3 hours a day. On the toilet? He's either got a massive problem or he's just being a lazy pig.

Does he not work?

Original poster
frus · 28/08/2023 22:55

vodkaredbullgirl · 28/08/2023 22:36

If he has been doing it his whole life, nothing is going to change.

I know you're right and it's always annoyed but now I'm seriously impatient with it. Having to knock in the bathroom door and ask him to hurry up several times a day is very annoying when I already have stuff to do

OP posts:
saraclara · 28/08/2023 22:56

Anyone who needs to poo 6-10 times a day has something very wrong with them. So I'd be insisting that he sees a doctor. Also I'd go ahead with eating my meal/going out/watching a TV programs/anything else pleasurable without him. Ridiculous having to wait for someone doing an unnecessary and time-consuming poo

Original poster
frus · 28/08/2023 22:57

PoshPineapple · 28/08/2023 22:55

That's an average of around 3 hours a day. On the toilet? He's either got a massive problem or he's just being a lazy pig.

Does he not work?

Yes he works, he does it at work but he's the boss so not an issue. He does the washing clothes in the house and cleaning the kitchen when I've finished cooking in the house - the rest of the time. Toilet. I would say it it around 2-3 hours a day yes. He would say I'm exaggerating - I am not.

OP posts:
Massivedicks · 28/08/2023 22:59

My first husband did this. Turns out he was cheating on dating sites from the toilet of all places.

Original poster
frus · 28/08/2023 23:00

PoshPineapple · 28/08/2023 22:55

That's an average of around 3 hours a day. On the toilet? He's either got a massive problem or he's just being a lazy pig.

Does he not work?

To add to that I believe him doing several jobs in the house is his justification. He always naming all the things he's done in the house.

OP posts:
rolo84 · 28/08/2023 23:03

Massivedicks · 28/08/2023 22:59

My first husband did this. Turns out he was cheating on dating sites from the toilet of all places.

My thoughts exactly but op doesn't seem to acknowledge this 🤔

weltenbummler · 28/08/2023 23:05

I wonder whether you may be able to persuade him to talk about the issue if every time he hid in the toilet the WiFi happened to become unavailable / disconnected, making his toilet trip less enjoyable???

Original poster
frus · 28/08/2023 23:07

Massivedicks · 28/08/2023 22:59

My first husband did this. Turns out he was cheating on dating sites from the toilet of all places.

Could be porn. Won't be dating sites as we are pretty open with our phones. And also as I said before he did it as a kid, he did the first day we met and his dad has a similar habit.

He's most likely reading the news paper (he loves the freaking newspaper online).

It's sadly probably not that exciting.

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 28/08/2023 23:10

Assign him tasks while he is there. So: while you were in the bathroom it was decided you were responsible for the laundry.

AndStand · 28/08/2023 23:15

Follow him every time he goes, sit outside the bathroom door and talk to him! He won't be able to concentrate on whatever he's up to!!Wink

Safxxx · 28/08/2023 23:16

Probably got IBD or IBS
Or just uses the toilet as a leisurely thing. Either way very annoying...hope you got more than 1 bathroom in the house lol
Plz break your sons habit now before it's too late, or else another vicious cycle will start... Explain to your children what daddy does is not acceptable...and make sure neither of them take their phones with them to the loo

PoshPineapple · 28/08/2023 23:21

frus · 28/08/2023 23:00

To add to that I believe him doing several jobs in the house is his justification. He always naming all the things he's done in the house.

Show quote history

"I've scrubbed the kitchem,whoooop! I can treat myself to a crafty little dump". Oh dear OP, I'm sorry and wish there was a magic suggestion, but it sounds like a very bad, very inconvenient long-standing familial habit. It stinks! (I know, thank me later)

EmilyBrontesGhost · 28/08/2023 23:22

Massivedicks · 28/08/2023 22:59

My first husband did this. Turns out he was cheating on dating sites from the toilet of all places.

Yep.

He's up to no good.

Phos · 28/08/2023 23:23

Are you married to my ex?

Seddon · 28/08/2023 23:31

It's his escape time, so work on making it not relaxing. Also embarrassing:

  • send the kids up to sit outside the door and nag him the whole time.
  • the second he returns to the room, leave, and spend 20 minutes in the bathroom yourself.
  • time him, and record the daily totals on a chart on the fridge door. Give him gold stars for best day and sad faces for the worst.
  • tell EVERYONE about it.
EmilyBrontesGhost · 28/08/2023 23:34

And also as I said before he did it as a kid, he did the first day we met and his dad has a similar habit.

Reader, I married him . . .

Arsegrapes · 28/08/2023 23:39

Safxxx · 28/08/2023 23:16

Probably got IBD or IBS
Or just uses the toilet as a leisurely thing. Either way very annoying...hope you got more than 1 bathroom in the house lol
Plz break your sons habit now before it's too late, or else another vicious cycle will start... Explain to your children what daddy does is not acceptable...and make sure neither of them take their phones with them to the loo

This is what I was thinking and and seems the strongest possibility.

Or his Chalfonts are playing up, which I know all about 😑

Weenurse · 28/08/2023 23:42

Could he have undiagnosed IBS?
Look at his diet to see if there are any triggers.
Either that or time wasting, or it is his bolt hole when he wants time alone

MsRosley · 28/08/2023 23:42

Seddon · 28/08/2023 23:31

It's his escape time, so work on making it not relaxing. Also embarrassing:

  • send the kids up to sit outside the door and nag him the whole time.
  • the second he returns to the room, leave, and spend 20 minutes in the bathroom yourself.
  • time him, and record the daily totals on a chart on the fridge door. Give him gold stars for best day and sad faces for the worst.
  • tell EVERYONE about it.

Brilliant suggestions.

Original poster
frus · 29/08/2023 07:59

Seddon · 28/08/2023 23:31

It's his escape time, so work on making it not relaxing. Also embarrassing:

  • send the kids up to sit outside the door and nag him the whole time.
  • the second he returns to the room, leave, and spend 20 minutes in the bathroom yourself.
  • time him, and record the daily totals on a chart on the fridge door. Give him gold stars for best day and sad faces for the worst.
  • tell EVERYONE about it.

Great suggestions- I'm going to implement them today. He's very cranky when he's talked to through the door so wish me luck! 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
frus · 29/08/2023 08:01

Phos · 28/08/2023 23:23

Are you married to my ex?

Hahaha 😝

OP posts:
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