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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parking ticket - why should I pay?

82 replies

Calipso32 · 28/08/2023 11:41

Just wanting to know other's take on this.. I'm having a debate with my STBXP on a £85 parking ticket we've received (my fault, I was the one driving our car). It's not about the money but the principle of it. Some history.. I've just started driving again after 10 years, this is the first ticket I've ever had. He's raised at least 10-15 tickets, traffic fines etc over our 10 year relationship. The day I got the ticket, I had left him with our two DC to see a film by myself for the first time this year w/o kids (he didn't want to come and told me it wasn't appropriate for our eldest). He tried his best to make me feel guilty about this at the time. I'm on maternity leave, income zero. He's on the lower end of 6 figures. He has the earning power he does because my career is second to his and I've taken the family leave for both our DC.

So the ticket comes: he brings it to me smugly and tells me this is a lesson for me, if I raise a ticket, I have to pay for it (from savings as my income is zero RN). I find this outrageous. If it were him receiving the ticket he could pay from his salary ('our' salary). I'm on zero pay and he still thinks I should dig into my savings dispite my zero income because I'm off work looking after our kids? I suspect he's still bitter about my night out and relishes the chance to punish me further for it. We don't have joint savings and he refuses to let me use the joint bills account.

AIBU??

OP posts:
anotheranotheranotheranother · 28/08/2023 11:45

A huge OP but the only important part is that you were driving so are responsible.

WhateverMate · 28/08/2023 11:46

He sounds like a shit but if you're splitting up anyway I guess you know that.

If you've only just started driving again though, it stands to reason he'll have had more tickets than you.

But ultimately I'd just pay and not give him any more head space, just look forward to a future without him.

mrsbyers · 28/08/2023 11:47

Just pay it and don’t give the satisfaction of making it an issue

WhateverMate · 28/08/2023 11:47

And yes, you were driving so ultimately it is down to you I'm afraid.

Cosyblankets · 28/08/2023 11:47

I honestly don't think your income and back story are relevant.
You parked the car
You got the ticket
You pay

TheBarbieEffect · 28/08/2023 11:49

anotheranotheranotheranother · 28/08/2023 11:45

A huge OP but the only important part is that you were driving so are responsible.

This. Nothing else is relevant.

MontblancTheSecond · 28/08/2023 11:49

You are on maternity leave for pushing out his children and have been together for more than ten years. It would go out of the shared account in my relationship.

RandomMess · 28/08/2023 11:49

So he's financially abusive and he wonders why you are ending things?

KimberleyClark · 28/08/2023 11:49

Why were you actually fined? You don’t say in your OP.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 28/08/2023 11:49

Look he's a twat but you parked in a silly place/for too long, so you pay for it. Sounds like both of you need to read the signs at car parks/on street better!
Having said that, how are you planning to support yourself and child/ren away from him if your current lifestyle choices mean you need him to pay this ticket for you? You can't swan around on extended unpaid mat leave if you need money to exist!

rwalker · 28/08/2023 11:53

I wouldn’t be paying it if I was him
this is separate from all the other issues

WandaWonder · 28/08/2023 12:01

You got the ticket you pay, you could be Helen of Troy's secret love child with Mother Theresa doesn't mean it was anyone else's fault

familyday · 28/08/2023 12:02

The parking ticket is a small part of a bigger problem with money in your relationship. Are you saying you have taken maternity leave with reduced and zero income and not had access to his earnings? If so you need to charge him for half the cost of childcare for his two children and you'll pay the fine out of that.

Original poster
Calipso32 · 28/08/2023 12:04

KimberleyClark · 28/08/2023 11:49

Why were you actually fined? You don’t say in your OP.

I overstayed in a car park

OP posts:
Isheabastard · 28/08/2023 12:04

He’s a dick and I agree it should come from joint money.

If you don’t think you can force him to change his mind then pay it but recoup the £85 from joint money in other ways.

Ive read your OP, but I didn’t see where you say you are leaving him?

WhateverMate · 28/08/2023 12:06

familyday · 28/08/2023 12:02

The parking ticket is a small part of a bigger problem with money in your relationship. Are you saying you have taken maternity leave with reduced and zero income and not had access to his earnings? If so you need to charge him for half the cost of childcare for his two children and you'll pay the fine out of that.

And how is she going to do that?

Are you suggesting she takes him to court?

cansu · 28/08/2023 12:10

If you have no income ecause you are taking care of the baby then he should pay. I would however be thinking about how soon I could get back to work as he sounds like an arse and you need your own money. Make sure he is paying the right proportion of the childcare too.

Leftphalange100 · 28/08/2023 12:11

In my house it would come out our joint account but in your case I'd just suck it up and pay it. He's a soon to be ex for a reason

CantThinkOfANameAtAll · 28/08/2023 12:11

Your ticket, you pay.

However...you need to hit him for child maintenance immediately if you are that broke and trying to seperate. I assume you also have a job to go back to so it might be time to do that. Start looking at your options instead of getting angry over the unfairness of it all. I'm also assuming you aren't married and therefore financially protected? (Hoping I'm wrong).

JenniferBarkley · 28/08/2023 12:14

If you have separate finances and pay your own luxuries, then it's yours to pay.

Whether that is a fair arrangement in the circumstances is a different question.

Starlightstarbright2 · 28/08/2023 12:23

Does he know you are seperating ? How is finance been split currently ultimately he is an arse but you may need to return to work sooner than planned . How old is Little one ?

also how were his parking fines paid

Gizlotsmum · 28/08/2023 12:28

Were all his tickets paid from out of joint money? Is that the point you are trying to make? If you have no money who paid for your night out? It is your ticket and you should pay, but you should have access to joint money and some money of your own if you are not working to raise your kids ( assuming they are his and he supports that decision)

MarshyMcMarshFace · 28/08/2023 12:40

Eyes forward, on the bigger picture.

Yes he is being a bastard, but in the bigger picture concentrate on leaving. No point getting into minor battles at this point.

I assume he knows you are splitting and you are in the process?

Is it £85 even if you pay immediately?

TheNorthWind · 28/08/2023 12:41

You should have access to the household income. Expecting you to deplete your savings to fund expenses incurred while on maternity leave when his income would cover them is not reasonable. Yes, this is financial abuse.

So, your question is kind of badly worded. Yes, you got the ticket, so you should pay it, but if your marriage was good and the financial arrangements within it fair, you wouldn't be asking.

The parking ticket is a red herring. (Although I'm sure he's delighted.) The actual (reasonable) expense is irrelevant - it doesn't matter if it's a parking ticket, a coffee, a haircut, a box of tampons, an umbrella, a picture frame or a postage stamp. The question is, should you have access to the income in your current circumstances, and the answer is yes.

You should be sharing. If one has little, you both have little. But one having ample and the other having nothing? No, that's not OK.

Cherrysoup · 28/08/2023 12:43

What can he do if you use the joint bills account?

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