Parking ticket - why should I pay?

[Calipso32]

Just wanting to know other's take on this.. I'm having a debate with my STBXP on a £85 parking ticket we've received (my fault, I was the one driving our car). It's not about the money but the principle of it. Some history.. I've just started driving again after 10 years, this is the first ticket I've ever had. He's raised at least 10-15 tickets, traffic fines etc over our 10 year relationship. The day I got the ticket, I had left him with our two DC to see a film by myself for the first time this year w/o kids (he didn't want to come and told me it wasn't appropriate for our eldest). He tried his best to make me feel guilty about this at the time. I'm on maternity leave, income zero. He's on the lower end of 6 figures. He has the earning power he does because my career is second to his and I've taken the family leave for both our DC.

So the ticket comes: he brings it to me smugly and tells me this is a lesson for me, if I raise a ticket, I have to pay for it (from savings as my income is zero RN). I find this outrageous. If it were him receiving the ticket he could pay from his salary ('our' salary). I'm on zero pay and he still thinks I should dig into my savings dispite my zero income because I'm off work looking after our kids? I suspect he's still bitter about my night out and relishes the chance to punish me further for it. We don't have joint savings and he refuses to let me use the joint bills account.

AIBU??

If you have access to money in the joint account you can probably find ways of recouping the £85 by asking for cash back in the supermarket etc.

More importantly Do you have a plan for building a financial cushion for leaving?

It was a free supermarket car park, I've learned since its 2 hours max, silly mistake! Well done you for getting yours reversed.

Pay it and make sure you get every last penny you can put of him in the divorce. On principle.

I worded my post badly but the question wasn't around responsibility, but how the ticket should be paid

A shit he absolutely is. I expect I will just pay it and be done with it, I just wanted to know if my thinking that it should come from joint money was reasonable or not

I worded my post badly but the question wasn't around responsibility, but how the ticket should be paid

Maybe I worded my reply badly, because the answer is by the person responsible, which is you.

Thankyou for summarising the situation so eloquently. Yes this is exactly what I was asking, minus the rambling.

I was in a position to save before my maternity started so I have a pot of my own money and could easily pay the fine myself. I don't actually know how his previous tickets were paid, but it's possible they came from the shared account. He earns well over double my salary and we each pay into the joint account but he's obviously putting that much more than me as his paycheck is bigger. We used to get our salaries paid into the joint account directly, then he started a new (higher paid) job and gets his wage paid into his personal account. This issue has just highlighted how bitter I feel about being in this unequal partnership with him where he doesn't understand the concept of 'what's mine is yours' and I feel he's trying to hide his exact earnings

Same happened to me while on maternity. It didn’t cross my mind to ask my partner to pay. It was my fault 🤷‍♀️
we do have a joint account but I chose to take it out of my savings so that money in the joint could be used for bills

So when you've actually split up, will you still expect him to pay your fines?
Sorry OP - you got the ticket but think it's his responsibility to pay for it? It's really not.

Do the crime, pay the fine!

If you are planning to leave him in December you have bigger things to worry about than a parking ticket.

Go and see a lawyer NOW. Yes I mean this week. You have a lot of ducks to get in a row, esp as you don’t know his income. Start playing detective .

Are you sure it's £85? They normally let you pay a lesser amount if you pay within 30 days.

Way to miss the point.

Yes, it was a mistake on the OP's part.

However, as OP is literally not on a wage it's a dick move of the very highest order for her 6 figure salary partner not to cover it.

I would pay for the ticket.

Next on the list, I would get rid of the smug, twat head DP.

It’s a joint expense so should come from joint income the same as groceries etc. These things happen in life, no one should be punished for them.

First off it's not a fine. It's a parking charge notice. If you go to the store and explain that you didn't see the signs limiting the time there there's a good chance they'll get it revoked. Any issues go to the Martin Lewis site MSE and to the Motoring/Parking forum and there's all the details on how to fight this sort of thing.

Secondly - it's financial abuse. Even if you can't see it yourself. People being abused often can't spot things from inside the relationship whereas others on the outside can. You said "He checks the statement regularly and asks me to clarify what money was spent on if he can't work out what it was for. As I'm on zero pay, he's been covering our bills and expenses but he doesn't let me forget it." And that is basically a text book description.

And I was on a wage whilst on maternity??

Why would it come from joint income? You're separating and it's your fault.

I don't hold the view of Mumsnet for joint income so may be biased but even if you weren't leaving, it's your issue.

Don't give him any additional satisfaction from this by asking him to pay.

It's still financially abusive because you don't have free access to family funds for day to expenses. Making you account for every penny and justify costs whilst being the lower earner etc.

Glad you leaving.

Ensure you are back at work and for him signed up to nursery costa etc before you tell him.

You got the ticket, it’s your responsibility. But to contradict myself, I think you should use the joint account.
If the account is in both names and you make a withdrawal you’re doing nothing wrong.

When my mum was planning to leave her first husband (after he threatened to kill her) she got £5 or £10 cashback every time she did a shop or got petrol and hid the cash in tampon boxes until she had enough to flee.

I'd pay the fine out my savings and would be recuperating the money via the above method.

Maybe also consider sending him an itemised bill for childcare, housework, laundry and any other services you are providing over 50% of while on ML....since he wants to make the marriage transactional 2 can play at that.

Pay the ticket and file it under, Reasons to leave my dick of a partner. He's financially abusive. Your have zero income and he's lording it over you.

Like most people, in terms of the question about the parking ticket, I think the person who is driving is responsible. You either didn't check properly or decided to chance it, but either way, if one person is out on their own and receives a parking ticket, they can only blame themselves.

However the main issue here is about how he doesn't see your money as family money, and doesn't accept that you looking after your children is contributing to the family just as much as the person who is being paid for their employment. That is a whole other question.

He's not aware our relationship is over yet. We haven't yet had that conversation

This. All the rest is pandering for sympathy.

Ah, sorry if I missed that! Well, you've 100% made the right decision. Take this as fate telling you!