Parking ticket - why should I pay?

[Calipso32]

Just wanting to know other's take on this.. I'm having a debate with my STBXP on a £85 parking ticket we've received (my fault, I was the one driving our car). It's not about the money but the principle of it. Some history.. I've just started driving again after 10 years, this is the first ticket I've ever had. He's raised at least 10-15 tickets, traffic fines etc over our 10 year relationship. The day I got the ticket, I had left him with our two DC to see a film by myself for the first time this year w/o kids (he didn't want to come and told me it wasn't appropriate for our eldest). He tried his best to make me feel guilty about this at the time. I'm on maternity leave, income zero. He's on the lower end of 6 figures. He has the earning power he does because my career is second to his and I've taken the family leave for both our DC.

So the ticket comes: he brings it to me smugly and tells me this is a lesson for me, if I raise a ticket, I have to pay for it (from savings as my income is zero RN). I find this outrageous. If it were him receiving the ticket he could pay from his salary ('our' salary). I'm on zero pay and he still thinks I should dig into my savings dispite my zero income because I'm off work looking after our kids? I suspect he's still bitter about my night out and relishes the chance to punish me further for it. We don't have joint savings and he refuses to let me use the joint bills account.

AIBU??

I disagree there. While she has rightful access to it, the point of a joint account is 'usually' for agreed mutual purposes... i.e. rent, utilities etc. It is NOT a get out of jail free account or a I fancy a new pair of shoes account.

This may be different for some couples, but this is typically the norm. It pisses me off when I hear people say that on here. If you put in your salary and your husband put in his, you'd be fuming if he decided on a whim to spend it all on himself because you "cannot refuse him using it".

I disagree there. While she has rightful access to it, the point of a joint account is 'usually' for agreed mutual purposes... i.e. rent, utilities etc. It is NOT a get out of jail free account or a I fancy a new pair of shoes account.

The point is she does have rightful access to this account he cannot legally or otherwise stop her and trying to is financial abuse. This is not a fancy pair of shoes it is a bill irrespective of who is responsible for the incurring the expense.

This may be different for some couples, but this is typically the norm. It pisses me off when I hear people say that on here. If you put in your salary and your husband put in his, you'd be fuming if he decided on a whim to spend it all on himself because you "cannot refuse him using it".

Fuming sure, however, there is nothing either party could do if one party withdrew all the money from a joint account.

Just pay it from the joint account. If he's arsey about it, it just underlines all the other problems in your relationship.

I am shocked by everyone saying "your ticket you pay" to the OP....she doesn't work, doesn't have a salary are you all serious that she should pay out of her personal savings....what if she didn't have any savings????? This should come out of income, and his income is half hers while she is the stay at home parent. I am honestly lost for words.

Nah, just an expectation of a partnership meaning exactly that.

There is a moral argument for saying 'his income is half hers' but there is no law to that effect.

No, I don't think I could fairly describe him as financially abusive.
Oh yes he is OP. Go on sites like Citizens Advice, Age Concern, Women's Aid, tye UK Government's own site, NHS site. They all say the same and in a nutshell...he is abusing you financially and emotionally. You say its since he got a new job, I would hazard a guess it's since you got pregnant.

Financial abuse is the use or misuse of finances to exert control over a victim now and in the future, restricting their freedom and dignity. It is often part of a pattern of coercive control characterised by belittling, threatening, intimidating and domineering behaviour..

• Financial restriction, such as: controlling how and on what you spend money; making you justify your spending; going through your bank statements and receipts; giving you an allowance or making you ask the abuser for money; gaining access to your benefits; and controlling use of property such as a mobile phone or car.

• asking the victim to account for exactly what they spend money on

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/money-mentor/article/financial-abuse/