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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parking ticket - why should I pay?

82 replies

Calipso32 · 28/08/2023 11:41

Just wanting to know other's take on this.. I'm having a debate with my STBXP on a £85 parking ticket we've received (my fault, I was the one driving our car). It's not about the money but the principle of it. Some history.. I've just started driving again after 10 years, this is the first ticket I've ever had. He's raised at least 10-15 tickets, traffic fines etc over our 10 year relationship. The day I got the ticket, I had left him with our two DC to see a film by myself for the first time this year w/o kids (he didn't want to come and told me it wasn't appropriate for our eldest). He tried his best to make me feel guilty about this at the time. I'm on maternity leave, income zero. He's on the lower end of 6 figures. He has the earning power he does because my career is second to his and I've taken the family leave for both our DC.

So the ticket comes: he brings it to me smugly and tells me this is a lesson for me, if I raise a ticket, I have to pay for it (from savings as my income is zero RN). I find this outrageous. If it were him receiving the ticket he could pay from his salary ('our' salary). I'm on zero pay and he still thinks I should dig into my savings dispite my zero income because I'm off work looking after our kids? I suspect he's still bitter about my night out and relishes the chance to punish me further for it. We don't have joint savings and he refuses to let me use the joint bills account.

AIBU??

OP posts:
TheNorthWind · 28/08/2023 12:43

Oops, partner not husband, so relationship, not marriage. Still, assuming joint children, housing etc - basically everything but the contract - my other points stand.

usererror99 · 28/08/2023 12:44

It's your ticket why should he pay? You're an adult

And his earnings and career aren't solely down to you I would say probably 90% of it is his experience hard work and effort - really annoying to see that trooped out all the time - I have a career because I worked bloody hard for it and had childcare in place and couldn't take prolonged maternity leave. None of it is down to my much lower earning ex husband

But sound alike he's going to be an ex soon so then you'll have to pay all your own fines anyway

PlacidPenelope · 28/08/2023 12:46

he refuses to let me use the joint bills account.

If it is a joint account in both your names he cannot refuse you using it to pay the ticket.

IhearyouClemFandango · 28/08/2023 12:48

The arrangement on how you share your finances is unfair. That is what has led to the ticket thing, which sadly, you are responsible for. That wouldn't be an issue of you had adequate access to family funds.

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 28/08/2023 12:48

You got the ticket, you pay for it. Your H shouldn’t be responsible for your carelessness and neither should you for his. It sucks, but you’re separating which is even more of a reason for you to stand on your own two feet and pay the ticket yourself.

ActDottie · 28/08/2023 12:49

Cosyblankets · 28/08/2023 11:47

I honestly don't think your income and back story are relevant.
You parked the car
You got the ticket
You pay

This

latetothefisting · 28/08/2023 12:58

agree with @TheNorthWind -
posters are arguing about who is liable for the ticket but that's irrelevant, you know it's you.
your point is what account should the cost come out of (individual or joint)
if your arrangement was that you both had individual accounts and paid for anything not jointly liable, whether it be a haircut or a parking ticket, out of those accounts then yes of course you'd pay for it yourself.
But it's a wider issue when a) he's paid for all of his tickets out of the 'joint' account and you don't have access to it! so of course it's reasonably for your ticket to also come out of the joint account.

As to what you can do - as a pp said just pay it and claw the money back elsewhere, i.e. cashback at supermarket or whatever and focus on making him your ex-dp asap. Maybe look at MSE website to see if there is any way around appealing the fine?

PosterBoy · 28/08/2023 12:59

Where you are unreasonable is in

  • being on mat leave on zero income to raise his child and allowing him to fob you off with a few quid towards half the bills
  • staying in a financially abusive relationship and justifying it by calling him 'stb' ex on a thread on mn but not actually leaving.

If tickets are usually paid from joint income then this one should be.

If car is registered in his name then it's his fine to pay if you refuse to pay it from your own income. The company couldn't care less who parked there - it's not a dvla fine, it's a private prosecution - they go after the registered keeper, not the driver.

ImNotReallySpartacus · 28/08/2023 13:06

Pay the fine, leave your partner, get a job.

FiddleMinger · 28/08/2023 13:12

TheNorthWind · 28/08/2023 12:41

You should have access to the household income. Expecting you to deplete your savings to fund expenses incurred while on maternity leave when his income would cover them is not reasonable. Yes, this is financial abuse.

So, your question is kind of badly worded. Yes, you got the ticket, so you should pay it, but if your marriage was good and the financial arrangements within it fair, you wouldn't be asking.

The parking ticket is a red herring. (Although I'm sure he's delighted.) The actual (reasonable) expense is irrelevant - it doesn't matter if it's a parking ticket, a coffee, a haircut, a box of tampons, an umbrella, a picture frame or a postage stamp. The question is, should you have access to the income in your current circumstances, and the answer is yes.

You should be sharing. If one has little, you both have little. But one having ample and the other having nothing? No, that's not OK.

Agree with this.

I think some responses are missing the point and a little harsh. I understand the question to be where the money comes from to pay the ticket, and seems to me that the overall financial arrangement with her STBXH do not recognise her role.

An fair household distribution of an income at ‘the lower end of six figures’ would not leave the OP in a financial position where she would need to create this thread.

HennyPenny1234 · 28/08/2023 13:20

OP, has the fine/invoice been issued by the Council?

If not and it's a private car park you can get out of paying

I'll await your reply

Testina · 28/08/2023 13:22

What does STBXP actually mean to you?
STBXH means something because divorce takes time.
But a boyfriend - they are or they are not, so soon to be about it.
If you’ve dumped him - you pay.
If he doesn’t know you’re going to split up with him, you’re still one financial unit, the joint account pays.

Gnomegnomegnome · 28/08/2023 13:25

How do you access the joint account?

Riapia · 28/08/2023 13:25

You’re on maternity leave.
Your were out in what you refer to as “our car”.
I assume he doesn’t know that he’s a STBEX.
Of course he should offer to help.

jlpth · 28/08/2023 13:35

You are on maternity leave. He needs to cover the cost of the parking ticket.

You made an error which he has made more than 10 times in the past, so I'm not sure what his issue with this type of payment actually is. Other than an excuse to treat you badly.

DahliaMacNamara · 28/08/2023 13:36

She shouldn't need him to offer to help. He is in no position to judge OP for incurring a fine, and she should be able to pay said fine from the joint account.

Aserena · 28/08/2023 13:38

Just pay it, don’t give him the satisfaction.

AppaTheSixLeggedFlyingBison · 28/08/2023 13:40

I overstayed once in a cinema car park because I had seen two films back to back. I contacted the cinema and they got the ticket cancelled because I was there for legitimate reasons.

AppaTheSixLeggedFlyingBison · 28/08/2023 13:41

That was a free carpark with a limit though. Wouldnt work if it was a paid for carpark and you didn't buy enough hours

RethinkingLife · 28/08/2023 13:41

Emotionally and in relationship terms, of course the cost should come out of joint funds.

Legally, and for the sake of your soon-to-be separation, it's your responsibility to pay.

He's unilaterally decided that you should be individually responsible for your own tickets, you could total up his and subtract yours. Only you can judge what the likely outcome would be if you asked him to retrospectively consider the appropriateness of his previous fines from your joint funds and asking him to reimburse you the difference.

Hibiscrubbed · 28/08/2023 14:04

So what money are you able to access? Is he financially abusive?

Original poster
Calipso32 · 28/08/2023 14:25

Well, in his words if I take the money from that account, he'll just put £85 less in next salary he gets..

OP posts:
WhateverMate · 28/08/2023 14:32

Calipso32 · 28/08/2023 14:25

Well, in his words if I take the money from that account, he'll just put £85 less in next salary he gets..

Have you two put any steps in place to separate yet, or is it still early days OP?

Original poster
Calipso32 · 28/08/2023 14:34

No, I don't think I could fairly describe him as financially abusive. He is very cheap, I can access the money in the joint account but it is meant to be for mortgage and bills so he doesn't like. me to use it. He has an Amex (I'm additional cardholder). He checks the statement regularly and asks me to clarify what money was spent on if he can't work out what it was for. As I'm on zero pay, he's been covering our bills and expenses but he doesn't let me forget it. The concept of our joint income being 'the family income' and not hsi personal income just because I'm off work is not something he's on board with (he wouldn't admit to that) I guess I'm just very unhappy with the way we manage our money. Conversations like this one over a bloody parking ticket are exactly the reason I'll be leaving him before too long.

OP posts:
Original poster
Calipso32 · 28/08/2023 14:37

I've been busy making plans, I'll tell him in December, as I don't want to lose out on my last few months of maternity leave with my DD. She's my last and I'll never have this time again.

OP posts:
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