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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For ‘ruining’ DH’s birthday lunch before it’s happened?

97 replies

RingRoad · 27/08/2023 20:43

DH has big birthday in two weeks and really wants lunch with his family. They live about 150 miles away in a tiny village.

I offered to host. I only know their part of the world through visiting PIL’s house and we don’t tend to eat out down there much. So I asked DH if there was a special restaurant he wanted me to book, but he said no.

I started research last week, looked at tons of restaurants and reviews and found two places with great reviews. He ruled them out as being ‘not great’ from recent family/friend experiences.

More research, more reasons why new suggestions didn’t work. He then told me today super casually that his parents can only go somewhere close to home (5 mile radius) as they won’t want to drive far (and won’t be room in our car) plus he wants to go to their house before.

Very little choice at this point, so I booked a steak restaurant they’ve all been to before and liked. He’s just said it won’t be right for everyone and got really shirty about how the logistics are now spoiling the whole thing.

In my head, I now want to tell him to book his sodding birthday lunch himself.

YABU - he’s the birthday boy
YANBU - he is!

OP posts:

Alycidon · 27/08/2023 20:44

In my head, I now want to tell him to book his sodding birthday lunch himself.
Do it.

Glittertwins · 27/08/2023 20:44

Tell him to organise it himself if he doesn't like the effort you've gone to!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 27/08/2023 20:45

Fuck me what does he actually want??

What a ball ache

Elfandwellbeing · 27/08/2023 20:46

Ask him what he suggests

Fuckitydoodah · 27/08/2023 20:46

I'd definitely be telling him to sort it himself. You tried. He's being a knob. Over to him.

thecatinthetwat · 27/08/2023 20:46

Obviously he’s the only one that can actually do it.

Conkersinautumn · 27/08/2023 20:47

He obviously has specific (unrealistic) requirements. I definitely leave him to it (it's kind of odd ro me to have a fuss for a birthday though, I am biased).

Changingplace · 27/08/2023 20:47

Yep tell him you’ve exhausted all the options you’re aware of so if he has something better in mind to book it himself.

IsThisNameTaken · 27/08/2023 20:48

What does he expect? For you to magic a perfect restaurant in the perfect location out of nowhere? Tell him to sort it himself if he's not happy with your suggestions.

Everydayimhuffling · 27/08/2023 20:52

Yup, tell him. You've done your best and he obviously has something specific in mind for it, so it's best if he plans it. Also, he's being totally ridiculous.

Seashellies · 27/08/2023 20:53

Leave him to organise it, yes.

MichelleScarn · 27/08/2023 20:54

So is he magicking up this amazing restaurant that meets his/his parents rather restrictive criteria?

Mummy08m · 27/08/2023 20:55

Omg by big birthday do you mean 21st? Because he sounds adolescent.

Things are just so much easier in relationships when people just say exactly what they want. Why's he making you guess?!

Alternatively get his parents to organise it. It's their area, they'll know it best, and they're the ones restricting the radius (which may be for legitimate reasons but still, the least they could do is take over the organisation)

Trenchfootinthescottishhighlandstoday · 27/08/2023 20:55

Just step back and ask him to let you know what he wants to do. If it's nowt then it's nowt..

plominoagain · 27/08/2023 20:57

Best the birthday boy gets off his bum , stops whining and books somewhere . In fact , he’d better sort out his own presents too if he’s that choosy . Wouldn’t want to get him the wrong thing now.

AlisonDonut · 27/08/2023 20:58

That's fine, cancel it and let him get on with it.

Notsuredontknow · 27/08/2023 21:01

Do you think he actually wants something low-key and thinks you’re making more of a deal of it than necessary? Obviously he should just say if so!

LimeCheesecake · 27/08/2023 21:02

Tell him ok you’ll cancel that restaurant, where should you book instead? say that given he knows the area and you don’t and it has to be v close to your PIL house, he must have an idea of what is available in that location so what was he planning on?

Vallmo47 · 27/08/2023 21:02

YANBU OP, you’ve more than tried so over to him.

Thewizardbinbag · 27/08/2023 21:04

Yes, he books it. Why wouldn’t he? Why wouldn’t he sort it out?

You both need to grow up.

Businessflake · 27/08/2023 21:04

My OH had a milestone birthday this year. I organised for us to go away as a family of four for the weekend and I arranged a special date night out for the two of us. I did think about organising a big extended family meal for him as well but then remembered I organised my own milestone birthday family meal 8 weeks after I gave birth to our second child via c section. This included arranging accommodation for OHs parents as we didn’t have enough room for everyone to stay at ours and also arranging more food at ours later that evening.

I decided he could organise his own milestone celebration (which obviously he hasn’t bothered to do).

Nanny0gg · 27/08/2023 21:06

Thewizardbinbag · 27/08/2023 21:04

Yes, he books it. Why wouldn’t he? Why wouldn’t he sort it out?

You both need to grow up.

Why do people say this?

What on earth is the point?

In what way is the OP being childish?

Labgo · 27/08/2023 21:07

"Birthday boy" about an adult is so cringey. I don't really get adults who make a thing about their birthdays anyway, as I just don't do anything for mine, so I am probably biased. If he isn't happy with what you've offered, make him book it himself. He's not a child! He doesn't get to be made a big fuss off just because it's a birthday.

AdaColeman · 27/08/2023 21:12

He's setting you up to fail isn't he?

All the regulations about where they can and can't go. Whatever you do is going to be wrong.
He's playing an elaborate control game, that only he understands the rules of.

When you leave the arrangements to him, he won't be able to organise anything, so his spoilt birthday will still be all your fault. If he's like this all the time, he must be exhausting to live with.

InSpainTheRain · 27/08/2023 21:18

YANBU - he should organise it if everything you do is apparently wrong.

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