Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For ‘ruining’ DH’s birthday lunch before it’s happened?

97 replies

RingRoad · 27/08/2023 20:43

DH has big birthday in two weeks and really wants lunch with his family. They live about 150 miles away in a tiny village.

I offered to host. I only know their part of the world through visiting PIL’s house and we don’t tend to eat out down there much. So I asked DH if there was a special restaurant he wanted me to book, but he said no.

I started research last week, looked at tons of restaurants and reviews and found two places with great reviews. He ruled them out as being ‘not great’ from recent family/friend experiences.

More research, more reasons why new suggestions didn’t work. He then told me today super casually that his parents can only go somewhere close to home (5 mile radius) as they won’t want to drive far (and won’t be room in our car) plus he wants to go to their house before.

Very little choice at this point, so I booked a steak restaurant they’ve all been to before and liked. He’s just said it won’t be right for everyone and got really shirty about how the logistics are now spoiling the whole thing.

In my head, I now want to tell him to book his sodding birthday lunch himself.

YABU - he’s the birthday boy
YANBU - he is!

OP posts:
ShouldIbeLeftWithLess · 27/08/2023 21:19

Why are you in charge of this? Don't most adults make their own birthday arrangements, aside from surprises of course which this isn't.

Original poster
RingRoad · 27/08/2023 21:20

Thanks so much for all your replies - I was starting to doubt myself!

To answer your questions… he definitely wanted a big family lunch in a nice restaurant (not a pub). That’s one of the few things he WAS clear about. Definitely his idea.

It’s a lovely coastal county so I was checking out loads of places but without knowing the area I needed to check all the websites and reviews.

TBH I expected he would choose the restaurant and my hosting would involve booking, letting other guests know and paying.

I totally agree he’s got some imaginary place in his mind. But the village has a tea room and two pubs. No fine dining.

I promise I mentioned ‘Birthday Boy’ in a sarcastic way. 🥳

OP posts:
FloweryName · 27/08/2023 21:20

What does his version of ‘right for everyone’ actually mean?

Original poster
RingRoad · 27/08/2023 21:23

ShouldIbeLeftWithLess · 27/08/2023 21:19

Why are you in charge of this? Don't most adults make their own birthday arrangements, aside from surprises of course which this isn't.

I’ll know better next time!

I offered as it was a milestone birthday and I thought it was a nice thing to do.

No good deed….

OP posts:
PigletJohn · 27/08/2023 21:23

Yes, darling, you're absolutely right, I'm just not cut out for this sort of thing. I don't know the area as well as you do, nor the family.

I can't think why I didn't realise before, but it's obviously best if you arrange it. I promise not to interfere again in your family event.

Just popping out for a bit now. Bye.

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/08/2023 21:24

FFS stop pandering to this shit. Tell him to do the research himself if nothing you suggest is good enough.

ThereIbledit · 27/08/2023 21:27

"Right then what do you actually want from me? Because I've researched and suggested and adapted and presented you with options and you've said no to all of them."

Duckingella · 27/08/2023 21:27

Fuck that;he's being an immature brat.

You've done your best working with the options you have based on your limited geographical knowledge of the area.

He's now in charge of booking a restaurant.

Original poster
RingRoad · 27/08/2023 21:27

FloweryName · 27/08/2023 21:20

What does his version of ‘right for everyone’ actually mean?

Elderly PIL who need fine dining on their doorstep (not pub food or pizza), young fussy children who require beige food, and two really good restaurants ruled out as one of our group is head chef in one and the other is their rival restaurant.

OP posts:
SomeCatFromJapan · 27/08/2023 21:30

Best he books something then if he's so exacting and knows the area and the requirements of his family.
He's an ingrate.

Justmuddlingalong · 27/08/2023 21:30

Tell him when he's decided which restaurant is good enough to let you know, so you can book it. (Imagine if they were fully booked 😂)

bowlingalleyblues · 27/08/2023 21:33

Eh? One of the group is a chef in a restaurant, why aren’t you eating in their restaurant then? Surely that’s a bonus to put the trade their way, plus they’ll surely go out of their way to rustle up something beige for the kids?

Original poster
RingRoad · 27/08/2023 21:35

bowlingalleyblues · 27/08/2023 21:33

Eh? One of the group is a chef in a restaurant, why aren’t you eating in their restaurant then? Surely that’s a bonus to put the trade their way, plus they’ll surely go out of their way to rustle up something beige for the kids?

Totally agree and this was my very first suggestion, but DH wants the chef relative there as a guest and ‘he won’t relax if we eat in his restaurant.’

OP posts:
gamerchick · 27/08/2023 21:35

You can't sort this OP. Hand it over to him.

CantThinkOfANameAtAll · 27/08/2023 21:39

Take a picnic if he keeps vetoing everything. Soggy cucumber sandwiches, a few jam ones, pork pies and a quiche. Wave around a pot of honey if you want a few wasps to join the party.

Otherwise tell him to source and book the place. He sounds a right pain in the butt.

supersop60 · 27/08/2023 21:39

Thewizardbinbag · 27/08/2023 21:04

Yes, he books it. Why wouldn’t he? Why wouldn’t he sort it out?

You both need to grow up.

Why does OP need to 'grow up'?
What does that mean?

DisforDarkChocolate · 27/08/2023 21:40

I'd be looking at something to order from somewhere like Booths or M&S for something to bung in the oven and some easy sides like salads. Guests bring desserts and wine.

Birthday boy would be left to organise it himself at this rate.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/08/2023 21:40

Yanbu

Sparklesocks · 27/08/2023 21:41

You simply need to conjure up a restaurant that doesn’t exist out of thin air. Easy peasy.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/08/2023 21:43

I would remove myself from this absurdity right now and tell Mr. Impossible that he has to make all of the arrangements.

No matter which restaurant you pick, you're fucked. It will be wrong and you will never hear the end of it.

Wash your hands of this immediately.

Hawkins0090 · 27/08/2023 21:44

Omg 😲 what's he after the whole nine yards and red carpet

MistyMountainTop · 27/08/2023 21:45

Why don't you get a chef in to cook for you all?

LittleBearPad · 27/08/2023 21:47

PigletJohn · 27/08/2023 21:23

Yes, darling, you're absolutely right, I'm just not cut out for this sort of thing. I don't know the area as well as you do, nor the family.

I can't think why I didn't realise before, but it's obviously best if you arrange it. I promise not to interfere again in your family event.

Just popping out for a bit now. Bye.

This is an excellent suggestion.

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/08/2023 21:49

PigletJohn · 27/08/2023 21:23

Yes, darling, you're absolutely right, I'm just not cut out for this sort of thing. I don't know the area as well as you do, nor the family.

I can't think why I didn't realise before, but it's obviously best if you arrange it. I promise not to interfere again in your family event.

Just popping out for a bit now. Bye.

Nailed it! Grin

So much better than my expletive-heavy suggestion that he shove something somewhere.

Beelezebub · 27/08/2023 21:49

Bloody hell, he’d be lucky to get fish and chips after this if it was me