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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For ‘ruining’ DH’s birthday lunch before it’s happened?

97 replies

RingRoad · 27/08/2023 20:43

DH has big birthday in two weeks and really wants lunch with his family. They live about 150 miles away in a tiny village.

I offered to host. I only know their part of the world through visiting PIL’s house and we don’t tend to eat out down there much. So I asked DH if there was a special restaurant he wanted me to book, but he said no.

I started research last week, looked at tons of restaurants and reviews and found two places with great reviews. He ruled them out as being ‘not great’ from recent family/friend experiences.

More research, more reasons why new suggestions didn’t work. He then told me today super casually that his parents can only go somewhere close to home (5 mile radius) as they won’t want to drive far (and won’t be room in our car) plus he wants to go to their house before.

Very little choice at this point, so I booked a steak restaurant they’ve all been to before and liked. He’s just said it won’t be right for everyone and got really shirty about how the logistics are now spoiling the whole thing.

In my head, I now want to tell him to book his sodding birthday lunch himself.

YABU - he’s the birthday boy
YANBU - he is!

OP posts:
Ladybug14 · 27/08/2023 21:53

Jesus Christ on a bike

Get a McDonald's takeaway

Your husband is a dick

porridgeisbae · 27/08/2023 21:56

YANBU - he should organise it if everything you do is apparently wrong.

^This.

TBH I expected he would choose the restaurant and my hosting would involve booking, letting other guests know and paying.

@RingRoad Tell him this. He clearly needs to choose the place as he's not been happy with your suggestions and you could keep suggesting things and him keep turning them down.

ChaToilLeam · 27/08/2023 22:00

FFS, what does he expect you to do? Open your own restaurant exactly to his specifications?

What an arse. Is he usually like this? He’d be getting a pot noodle and a plastic fork from me.

Original poster
RingRoad · 27/08/2023 22:06

PigletJohn · 27/08/2023 21:23

Yes, darling, you're absolutely right, I'm just not cut out for this sort of thing. I don't know the area as well as you do, nor the family.

I can't think why I didn't realise before, but it's obviously best if you arrange it. I promise not to interfere again in your family event.

Just popping out for a bit now. Bye.

Love it. Fastest way to get this kind of thing out of my headspace. 🤯

OP posts:
GorgonzolaSouffle · 27/08/2023 22:09

Don’t waste your time.

let him sort it out.

DyslexicPoster · 27/08/2023 22:13

ChaToilLeam · 27/08/2023 22:00

FFS, what does he expect you to do? Open your own restaurant exactly to his specifications?

What an arse. Is he usually like this? He’d be getting a pot noodle and a plastic fork from me.

😄

A simple "I don't think I'm going to as able as you to get the right place, so give me suggestions please then I will book it".

If he back tracks "I'm out of ideas. You know what will work for everyone".

I'd be tempted to tell him to shove it

foolishone · 27/08/2023 22:16

I'm a bit of a control freak about holidays and restaurants so would never ever leave it to my partner to book something because it would inevitably be wrong.

You can't be a PITA and expect someone else to book what you want. He's being a knob so tell him to crack on.

socialdilemmawhattodo · 27/08/2023 22:17

I agree with a PP - you cant sort this. Of course not due to your abilities and talents. But "D"H keeps putting in place new hurdles and new unknown rules. Best he sorts that. (But can you speak to the family chef to see how they feel about catering this event - they of course might not want to - but it gives a potential back up plan).

AngryPrincess · 27/08/2023 22:20

He’s a grown up, so he can do it. (Is he actually kranky about getting old? If so, it is better than the alternative)

Skybluecoat · 27/08/2023 22:21

Cancel the booking you made. Then tell him to organise it himself.

Lastchancechica · 27/08/2023 22:21

I would have no patience for this, at all.

Mindovermatter247 · 27/08/2023 22:22

I’d tell him to sort it himself… I hate indecisive people.. sounds like he was making the issues no one else.

determinedtomakethiswork · 27/08/2023 22:27

Down your tools immediately. Tell him that when he gives you the name of a restaurant you will book it. How the hell are you meant to know where to book? And has he actually spoken to that chef?

ChocolateCinderToffee · 27/08/2023 22:31

Has he got somewhere specific in mind that you’re supposed to guess? I mean it sounds like it.

Poivresel · 27/08/2023 22:51

Surely the chef family member would be the best person to ask about restaurants near him.

ButterCrackers · 27/08/2023 22:54

He can book the rest and work out the travel seeing that he knows the area and it concerns his parents. Give him a list of the restaurants he ruled were unsuitable just in case he denies saying this.

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/08/2023 23:05

Just do you know, if you tell McDonalds its the little boys birthday, he will get a balloon.

Cos that it where you will end up!

Totally leave it to him.

Hankunamatata · 27/08/2023 23:13

Ask the chef relative for recommendations?

porridgeisbae · 27/08/2023 23:16

Just popping out for a bit now. Bye.

kthxbai

Codlingmoths · 27/08/2023 23:28

Make sure you point out that the amount of work you have had to to try and find the imaginary restaurant he has in his head but refuses to tell you about, you consider this covers all arrangements for the next 5 birthdays.

Hollywolly1 · 27/08/2023 23:34

I think you need to send him him to Mammy & Daddy & come back when he's grown up,like is he 5

timetochangethering · 27/08/2023 23:44

MY DH does this all the time....I call it "Too many roadblocks" - It last happened with a car he wanted to buy. He didn't want the same model of car we had before, but he also wanted all the same features which basically pointed to the same car 😫

He is the king of "I want to go out, but I don't want X, Y or Z, or A, B or C"....which leaves ...nothing!

00100001 · 28/08/2023 00:00

Why won't his parents travel more than 5 miles??

nimski · 28/08/2023 00:05

OMG you're DH is a total knob (sorry)
Tell him to sort his own 💩 out!!

Fromage · 28/08/2023 00:33

00100001 · 28/08/2023 00:00

Why won't his parents travel more than 5 miles??

I imagine they are ankle tagged and recently out of prison, for crimes of extreme prissy pants-ness, a trait they have passed on to their son.

OP - don't forget to order a massive fancy cake for dh with HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY YOU BLARDY FUSSPOT in frilly mauve writing all over it. To be brought out with sparklers and glitterbombs aplenty, and an especially camp mariachi band.

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