Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this ok for my birthday ?😔

97 replies

Thisnameneedschanging · 27/08/2023 18:14

It's my birthday today and I have been unwell for a few days so feeling a bit low. I always put a lot of thought into DH and DS's birthdays and Christmas etc. I probably over compensate due to a pretty bad childhood.

Today I received a card of DH ( it's wasn't a birthday card) . A mistake which they both thought was very funny and that was it. DS did say I could withhold his pocket money next week and treat myself 😞, after coming back from eating out with his friends which emptied his bank account.

I have no interest in expensive gifts but I love when someone puts thought into something. I am 51 today and I know it's silly but I would actually like to pack my bags. I told them how I felt a few minutes ago and they were not nice.😪

OP posts:
Original poster
Thisnameneedschanging · 27/08/2023 18:15

From DH not of , apologies I have probably made lots of mistakes.

OP posts:
hamsterballs · 27/08/2023 18:17

Happy birthday to you!

I would not be happy either.

MsVestibule · 27/08/2023 18:18

That's absolutely rubbish. How old is your DS? Presumably old enough to get himself to a shop and buy a nice box of chocolates/perfume/whatever he knows you like? I wouldn't stop buying presents for my son, but I definitely wouldn't be buying anything again for my DH if he did this.

Oh, and happy birthday 🥳.

Original poster
Thisnameneedschanging · 27/08/2023 18:18

Thank you @hamsterballs .

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 27/08/2023 18:19

What do they normally do for your birthday?

SleepingStandingUp · 27/08/2023 18:24

How old is DS?

So no card from him and no present from either of them? Is this typical?

What do you mean by them not being nice when you said you wanted to walk out on them?

Original poster
Thisnameneedschanging · 27/08/2023 18:24

Not a lot but l might say I like a particular cream or something and they get it . It's usually last minute.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thisnameneedschanging · 27/08/2023 18:25

They talked over me and laughed again about the card not being a birthday card .

OP posts:
Original poster
Thisnameneedschanging · 27/08/2023 18:26

He is 16.

OP posts:
AntoinetteNoCake · 27/08/2023 18:26

This is absolutely disgusting in my opinion. I’d be fuming and they’d know it

sodthesodoff · 27/08/2023 18:29

I'm sorry. That's so shit. They didn't take you out? No flowers or chocolates? Generic but still something to make you feel special.

I'm guessing this isn't the only time they've made you feel like this?

Happy birthday. I'm sorry. You deserve a hell of a lot more Flowers

MeerkatsRule · 27/08/2023 18:29

That’s awful of them. It sounds like they take you for granted.
I would treat yourself to something nice and do less for them this week.
Happy Birthday 🎂💐

CoffeeBeansGalore · 27/08/2023 18:30

Happy birthday Op 🎁💐.

Sorry you live with inconsiderate males. Can you pop out & get a nice something just for you?

Tell the useless pair to order in a takeaway?

Newestname002 · 27/08/2023 18:30

Not nice for two of the closest people to you to take you for granted and then not to apologise or seem to care when you brought it up.

Book something nice from you to yourself and have a treat/spa weekend where you can be pampered and relax. They are not invited.

Happy birthday to you @Thisnameneedschanging 🧁 🎈 🍷 🌹

CarPour · 27/08/2023 18:33

Happy Birthday OP!

I'm sorry your DH and DS have been so shit.

It's not the need for expensive gift, but they haven't thought about you at all and then have the audacity to dismiss your feelings and talk over you?

Not funny. Not buying your mum a birthday present at 16, or getting your wife a standard card and no present is embarrassing and not something to laugh about. You deserve a lot better OP

Sceptre86 · 27/08/2023 18:35

You'll get posts saying go out, treat yourself. Of course you can do that and should but that's not the point. The point is that you are feeling underappreciated by both your dh and son. I'd go as far as to day your son is learning that this is sn acceptable way to treat you from your dh, it isn't.I'd have been angry as well as sad op and told them both that. You have to actively manage or call them out on this behaviour whether its today or another day.

When it comes to their birthdays stop going over the top and actively remind them how shit they were to you on yours. There's no excuse for either of them. Order yourself a takeaway if you don't feel up to going out and let the idiots fend for themselves.

Wendysfriend · 27/08/2023 18:46

Happy Birthday, sorry you have had a rubbish day. I would be gutted too, especially if I made sure their birthdays etc were celebrated. I had a friend years ago who would buy her own birthday cake and she'd sit at the table, light the candles and sing happy birthday to herself, her family never remembered her birthday.

Createausername1970 · 27/08/2023 18:46

That's rubbish. Happy Birthday.

Tomorrow, is a bank holiday, but shops will be open. Get yourself up and into town. Treat yourself to a nice lunch, get a haircut if there is a walk-in salon. Doesn't have to be expensive, even just a wash, blow dry and fringe trim. Treat yourself to some new clothes - again, doesn't have to be expensive, could just be some nice knickers, or some new earrings, bubble bath etc. Maybe go to cinema or even the theatre if there is one.

Arrive home with some nice fizz, chocolates and bubble bath and disappear into the bathroom for a long soak, a glass of fizz and chocs.

I might even consider saying to DH how hurt I was, and if he thinks this is an acceptable way to treat me, then I won't be arranging things for his birthdays in future and I will also be reconsidering the things I do on a day to day basis for him. I would not busting a gut to keep on top of DHs laundry for the next couple of weeks, or any other routine reminders or prescription collecting etc.

Depends how far you want to push it. Next year, expect nothing and make advance plans to be with friends or family.

suckrifice · 27/08/2023 18:59

Happy birthday op! 🎈Ask your ds if he wants the same for his 17th birthday? I’d take his words and buy a nice take away just for yourself next week and eat while they watch.
Your dh sounds crap.

suckrifice · 27/08/2023 19:00

I meant keep his pocket money next week and buy a take away.

AlanJohnsonsBeemer · 27/08/2023 19:03

Happy Birthday OP, they sound like lazy, selfish bastards. Can you go out with a friend? If not tonight then very soon? I would struggle to get over my family treating me like this

Paq · 27/08/2023 19:05

Happy birthday 🎂

They are thoughtless and you are well within your rights to treat them with similar disdain.

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 27/08/2023 19:06

They are both selfish. You do have an opportunity here to teach your son not to treat his own future partner this way, so make sure he does learn something from his father’s awful example.

LoopyPoopyPoo · 27/08/2023 19:06

Your H is a grade A arsehole, and he's teaching your DS to be one too.

You absolutely need to do the exact same to your H when his birthday comes around. Show him exactly how shit it feels for your other half to treat you with zero respect or effort.

Does he treat you like this every birthday?

LoopyPoopyPoo · 27/08/2023 19:07

Ps. HAPPY BIRTHDAY GORGEOUS!!! 💕😘💕