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Original poster

Is this ok for my birthday ?😔

97 replies

Thisnameneedschanging · 27/08/2023 18:14

It's my birthday today and I have been unwell for a few days so feeling a bit low. I always put a lot of thought into DH and DS's birthdays and Christmas etc. I probably over compensate due to a pretty bad childhood.

Today I received a card of DH ( it's wasn't a birthday card) . A mistake which they both thought was very funny and that was it. DS did say I could withhold his pocket money next week and treat myself 😞, after coming back from eating out with his friends which emptied his bank account.

I have no interest in expensive gifts but I love when someone puts thought into something. I am 51 today and I know it's silly but I would actually like to pack my bags. I told them how I felt a few minutes ago and they were not nice.😪

OP posts:
SnowWhiteAndTheTwoKids · 27/08/2023 19:07

Createausername1970 · 27/08/2023 18:46

That's rubbish. Happy Birthday.

Tomorrow, is a bank holiday, but shops will be open. Get yourself up and into town. Treat yourself to a nice lunch, get a haircut if there is a walk-in salon. Doesn't have to be expensive, even just a wash, blow dry and fringe trim. Treat yourself to some new clothes - again, doesn't have to be expensive, could just be some nice knickers, or some new earrings, bubble bath etc. Maybe go to cinema or even the theatre if there is one.

Arrive home with some nice fizz, chocolates and bubble bath and disappear into the bathroom for a long soak, a glass of fizz and chocs.

I might even consider saying to DH how hurt I was, and if he thinks this is an acceptable way to treat me, then I won't be arranging things for his birthdays in future and I will also be reconsidering the things I do on a day to day basis for him. I would not busting a gut to keep on top of DHs laundry for the next couple of weeks, or any other routine reminders or prescription collecting etc.

Depends how far you want to push it. Next year, expect nothing and make advance plans to be with friends or family.

I would do exactly this and go on total strike until they were grovelling!

MeinKraft · 27/08/2023 19:10

I'd look and see if any luxury hotels nearby have any availability for tonight and say toodleoo for the evening!

itsmylife7 · 27/08/2023 19:13

Happy birthday OP 🎂🍾🎉
Their treatment towards you is awful.

I'd seriously cut back on their Xmas and birthday stuff....buy yourself lovely things instead....as you deserve it.

suckrifice · 27/08/2023 19:13

When did both of them start taking you for granted like this op?

Missingmyusername · 27/08/2023 19:15

Happy birthday 💐

Be damned if I’d do anything for their respective birthdays OP. Are they always like this?

BadHairBae · 27/08/2023 19:17

Happy birthday!

Order yourself a takeaway and a bottle of wine. Sit in bed and demolish the lot whilst watching your favourite film. Also, make sure you lock them out of the room and if there's any ice-cream lurking around, have that too. Use this time for yourself.

Make sure next DH birthday you do nothing. My DH done nothing for my first mother's day this year and guess who got F all for father's Day 😉

Loafbeginsat60 · 27/08/2023 19:18

That's really shit and I would be upset and angry too.

10HailMarys · 27/08/2023 19:18

Lack of gift is shit and they’re a pair of sniggering cunts. I’d be doing fuck-all for either of them from this point onwards.

When you say it wasn’t a birthday card, though, do you mean it was a general purpose card that just didn’t have the word ‘birthday’ on it anywhere? Or do you mean it said Get Well Soon or Congratulations On Your Bar Mitzvah or something?

Summer2424 · 27/08/2023 19:19

Hi @Thisnameneedschanging
Happy Birthday 🎀💐💖
I'm so sorry you had a rubbish day ❤ you still have to make your birthday wish 🌟🎂

HarridanHarvestingHeldaBeans · 27/08/2023 19:21

None of this is okay. I also think you should have a good look at the attitudes towards women that are being passed on to your son.
Happy birthday. I hope you manage to rescue the rest of it without them.

TomatoSandwiches · 27/08/2023 19:23

It is incredibly disrespectful to you imo and I don't bother much for my birthday but do for others.
I would be doing sod all for either of them and if your FS gets pocket money from yourself that can stop and he can find a part time job for spends.
What a horrible pair laughing about it as well.

xyz111 · 27/08/2023 19:23

Are you treated like this all the time Op?

Eviebeans · 27/08/2023 19:24

How are things the rest of the time - was this a one off?

quietnightmare · 27/08/2023 19:27

Happy birthday

Now order yourself a takeaway that you want just for you and only you

Get online and order yourself a present

Plan a day out with friends tomorrow

PinkPanther50 · 27/08/2023 19:30

Happy Birthday! 🍰 💐
I can imagine how you feel. I would definitely tell them calmly that from now on you won’t be making any effort for their birthdays, and stick to it! Next year arrange with a friend to go out on your birthday, don’t give them the chance to ruin it ever again for you.

TheHouseElf · 27/08/2023 19:31

Firstly, happy birthday to you. 💐You deserve far better than this - we all know it, and you know it too. Absolutely take yourself off somewhere. Either tonight or all day tomorrow and switch your phone off. Do you have anyone in RL you could go visit and celebrate your birthday with them?

SeatonCarew · 27/08/2023 19:39

Happy birthday @Thisnameneedschanging . I hope you have a splendid year ahead. 😊

Worry not, Christmas is not too far away. Treat yourself in some way tonight and plan all the lovely things you are going to buy yourself and do over the Christmas period. Them, meh, not so much.

Ignore them tonight and give them hell tomorrow, especially your ghastly husband.

Good luck my sweet, tomorrow is a fresh dawn. You don't have to put up with this. x

Serendipitoushedgehog · 27/08/2023 19:46

That sounds pretty crap.

Hibiscrubbed · 27/08/2023 19:46

Thisnameneedschanging · 27/08/2023 18:25

They talked over me and laughed again about the card not being a birthday card .

They’re horrible shits, but especially your husband. Your son has learnt not to value you at all, which he has learnt from the clear example set by your thoughtless and horrible husband.

They couldn’t have made it plainer that they think you’re not worth anything, not worth bothering to plan for and not deserving of any treats on your birthday.

I’m really sorry, OP. And happy birthday to you.

QuietDragon · 27/08/2023 19:50

Happy birthday OP.

Sorry your family are being so shit!

Definitely plan a nice day for yourself tomorrow and dial right back on what you do for them (apart from the most obscure card you can find in the shop 😅), because obviously they're not fussed about celebrating birthdays.

Stompythedinosaur · 27/08/2023 19:54

Don't focus on your ds, teenage brains are funny things and some teens are ridiculously selfish for a few years.

It is your dh who was meant to make a fuss of you on your birthday! It's horrible that he didn't even do the minimum. I hope you tell him how upset you are!

ICanBuyMyOwnBooks · 27/08/2023 19:54

Happy birthday!
Sorry they have been rubbish. Arrange a nice meal or cocktails or afternoon tea with a friend. You deserve to be celebrated.
Later, you can think about the boundaries you're going to put in place to stop them taking you for granted.

Skybluecoat · 27/08/2023 19:55

MeinKraft · 27/08/2023 19:10

I'd look and see if any luxury hotels nearby have any availability for tonight and say toodleoo for the evening!

Yes, that was my immediate thought.

RugglesB · 27/08/2023 19:57

Stop doing so much for them. They don't appreciate you. Really. Just stop. Get them a card and call it a day.

NowWhattt · 27/08/2023 20:07

That’s not good. It’s your birthday. That’s shit to be honest.

Happy birthday to you op. 🎂🥂🥳😘

It’s my birthday tomorrow and I would be so upset if my husband and my boys were how your family have been to you today.

Try to enjoy the rest of your special day as best as you can and then take things from there ( as in - think about things long term as this is pretty shit ).

Take care xx

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