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AIBU?

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Original poster

to have got one of DS's nails painted?

80 replies

CuddleNinja · 27/08/2023 13:58

Took 3 year old DS with me to get my nails done and actively offered him the opportunity, I usually take older DD but she was doing a sports camp and I always offer her... so it just felt normal for me to offer him. The lady instantly said how we can do 1 nail for him, which is the most popular amongst men and he nodded his head. DH isn't pleased, which honestly annoyed me because we had discussed our parenting decisions way before we had kids and were always on the same wavelength on stuff and he said he would have been all for it, if it was actually DS ASKING and the issue is that I am suggesting things that aren't "usual" at such a young age. He then added that it could have been a "less girly" design... it's a star by the way. Was I unreasonable here? Genuinely want honest answers, as I am just trying to raise my children in the best way and if it was wrong, it was wrong and I will actually take it on board but can't tell if it is me or DH that needs to shift views

OP posts:
WishIDidntButIDo · 27/08/2023 14:02

I wouldn’t get a 3 year olds nails painted, but if it’s fine for your daughter, then it’s fine for your son.

fuckthemail · 27/08/2023 14:03

Normal nail varnish or gels

Miriam101 · 27/08/2023 14:04

Your husband is being ridiculous and sexist and I think you know this.

EinyLinky · 27/08/2023 14:04

I also wouldn't be bothering at 3, especially if he didn't ask. That's not because he's a boy though, if the issue is because of that, then yeah, he's the one being unreasonable

MrsSkylerWhite · 27/08/2023 14:05

Our grandson loves coloured nails. You can buy peel off, safe ones for kids.

Clefable · 27/08/2023 14:05

Of course it's not unreasonable. Kids love having stuff like face paint or bright nails or glitter tattoos on, whether they are boys or girls. I took DD(4) to get her nails painted for fun a few weeks ago - she wanted one every one a different pastel colour and was delighted with them! Occasionally I'll do some glitter on them at home for her. It's just fancy dress, really.

Is his issue actually that he got a nail painted? Or that he thinks it's 'girly' and people will laugh/it'll turn his son gay or something? Hmm

Original poster
CuddleNinja · 27/08/2023 14:05

fuckthemail · 27/08/2023 14:03

Normal nail varnish or gels

Just normal, it is only one nail and a star design

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 27/08/2023 14:06

I think the real shame is that he only got one nail down whilst his sister probably would have had all her nails done.

Your DH is an idiot.

WeetabixTowels · 27/08/2023 14:06

What does your DH thinks is gonna happen? That’s your son catches the gay?

Im not sure if your DH is sexist, homophobic or both, but I’d see this as a huge red flag

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 27/08/2023 14:07

I’m with you. He should avoid linking gender stereotypes to this. I think it’s important for children to know that things like their haircut / nails / clothes / toys / colours aren’t gendered and have absolutely no correlation with being a boy / girl. Otherwise your DP is suggesting that there’s something wrong with him wanting a star on his nail becauae only the opposite sex are allowed that. He’s just a child being a child, unaware of the stereotypes for boys, and that’s probably a good thing.

SquirrelRed · 27/08/2023 14:08

Yanbu, my son went to nursery with each nail painted a different colour when he was 3. It made him happy so who cares

Original poster
CuddleNinja · 27/08/2023 14:08

Clefable · 27/08/2023 14:05

Of course it's not unreasonable. Kids love having stuff like face paint or bright nails or glitter tattoos on, whether they are boys or girls. I took DD(4) to get her nails painted for fun a few weeks ago - she wanted one every one a different pastel colour and was delighted with them! Occasionally I'll do some glitter on them at home for her. It's just fancy dress, really.

Is his issue actually that he got a nail painted? Or that he thinks it's 'girly' and people will laugh/it'll turn his son gay or something? Hmm

He says he would be very supportive of whatever our kids wanted, but that it needs to come from them and if it doesn't, you don't just automatically offer/buy/do it. He compared it to me buying him a princess dress if he didn't ask, which I admit that I wouldn't do but would if he asked and he agreed that if he asked, it would be okay then and he has always been quite reasonable with these views and we shared the same, hence I am a bit unsure if it was my fault for offering

OP posts:
AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 27/08/2023 14:08

I suspect its a case of "I was fine with the idea but the reality makes me uncomfortable" on your husband's behalf and he is acting Unreasonably

Original poster
CuddleNinja · 27/08/2023 14:10

NuffSaidSam · 27/08/2023 14:06

I think the real shame is that he only got one nail down whilst his sister probably would have had all her nails done.

Your DH is an idiot.

Yeah, to be fair I wouldn't have minded and he seems rather chuffed with it but the lady right away offered just the one and as DS nodded (I'm sure he would have if she had suggested all of them anyway) we just went with that really. I felt a bit embarrassed overriding her suggestion

OP posts:
WeetabixTowels · 27/08/2023 14:10

CuddleNinja · 27/08/2023 14:08

He says he would be very supportive of whatever our kids wanted, but that it needs to come from them and if it doesn't, you don't just automatically offer/buy/do it. He compared it to me buying him a princess dress if he didn't ask, which I admit that I wouldn't do but would if he asked and he agreed that if he asked, it would be okay then and he has always been quite reasonable with these views and we shared the same, hence I am a bit unsure if it was my fault for offering

Show quote history

Yet I bet if you went to somewhere where he was offered to kick a football about your DH wouldn’t be crying about him being offered to do something.

MissDollyMix · 27/08/2023 14:10

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 27/08/2023 14:07

I’m with you. He should avoid linking gender stereotypes to this. I think it’s important for children to know that things like their haircut / nails / clothes / toys / colours aren’t gendered and have absolutely no correlation with being a boy / girl. Otherwise your DP is suggesting that there’s something wrong with him wanting a star on his nail becauae only the opposite sex are allowed that. He’s just a child being a child, unaware of the stereotypes for boys, and that’s probably a good thing.

Completely agree with all of this!

pizzaHeart · 27/08/2023 14:15

To be honest it would be such a non issue in our house. The only worry for my DH would be if it’s gel which requires more aggressive approach to take off but it would be his concern for any person regardless of gender or age.

Original poster
CuddleNinja · 27/08/2023 14:24

I wish the ones selecting that I am being unreasonable could actually write a reply

OP posts:
Cowlover89 · 27/08/2023 14:29

YANBU

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 27/08/2023 14:39

I wouldn't have painted a 3yo's nails either to be honest - especially if they hadn't asked for it to be done.

Nothing to do with him being boy (for me, anyway).

Simonjt · 27/08/2023 14:40

CuddleNinja · 27/08/2023 14:08

He says he would be very supportive of whatever our kids wanted, but that it needs to come from them and if it doesn't, you don't just automatically offer/buy/do it. He compared it to me buying him a princess dress if he didn't ask, which I admit that I wouldn't do but would if he asked and he agreed that if he asked, it would be okay then and he has always been quite reasonable with these views and we shared the same, hence I am a bit unsure if it was my fault for offering

Show quote history

What colour clothing did he buy your son before he was old enough to express a preference?

TheYadaYada · 27/08/2023 14:42

Your husband’s a caveman.

I have boys and once they liked the look of it, they always asked me to paint their nails. By the time they were 6 or 7, they’d got over it.

ImthatBoleyngirl · 27/08/2023 14:42

When DS was 4 he coloured in his nails with a blue felt tip pen. This was completely his idea and the only thing that annoyed me is that he managed to get pen all over his duvet cover 🤣

Flakey99 · 27/08/2023 14:45

I wouldn’t allow it at that age, regardless of sex, because I don’t think applying those sorts of chemicals to young children’s nails is a good idea, especially if they’re nail biters.

But at least it wasn’t gels or acrylics! If a young child becomes allergic to gel nails, they’ll also be prevented from having a variety of medical treatments in the future that contain methacrylates, the common ingredient in nail products.

MrsSkylerWhite · 27/08/2023 14:45

CuddleNinja · Today 14:24
I wish the ones selecting that I am being unreasonable could actually write a reply”

Suspect they’re struggling to put forward actual reasons without coming across as Neanderthals.

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